QI Watchdown: D7 (Differences), or ‘A Gay Guy, An Irishman, A Wife, and An Alan Walk into a Bar’

Back to Series D. This is a bit of an odd mix of panelist tonight. Our semi-regular/anchor tonight is Jo Brand, somebody who works best when another semi-regular is around. Dara O’Briain is in tonight, but he’s not sitting with Phill or Bill or Clive, or anybody who he can bounce jokes off of. And the fourth panelist is someone who, quite frankly, is a bit of an odd choice for QI, and is a bit of an odd person period. This is gonna be a very interesting episode.

Stephen opens the show by saying that there are four ‘very different’ guests, which, I think, explains why the panel is so uneven tonight. There’s a disconnect between all four of the panelists, except possibly Alan and Jo, who have to have gotten to know each other through the million times Jo’s been on the show.

Julian Clary is someone I’ve only seen once, and it was through a sole Whose Line appearance, however he was really good on it. I’ll admit that he wasn’t as flamboyant on WL as he was here. The man makes Stephen Fry look like Sean Connery. I’ve no idea what he’s doing on QI, but I think he’ll be refreshing, at least.

Jo has this dissatisfied remark during the ‘buzzers’ sequence. She holds hers down for a second, gets the gist of it, and releases. It’s simple, and it’s amusing.

The joke here is that all four buzzers, interconnected, make a really cool song. Except when Alan chimes in, his piano riff is completely different and throws everything off.

Jo guesses that the main difference between men and women is ‘men are rubbish at multitasking, and women are very good at it.’ Alan, distraught, tries to prove this is bullshit by rubbing his tummy and patting his head simultaneously.

Dara is telling a story about testing pain receptors and men and women by shocking them until they press a button, and in doing so, presses his own buzzer…causing Alan to, for no reason, press his.

Five minutes in. Not a word from Julian. Oh, dear. Come on, say something. Don’t make me look like an ass by talking you up first paragraph!

Eventually he does say something. He gets distracted by the sperm on the screen behind Alan. Man, his voice has David Bowie-d out since the last time I heard him. A lot deeper. Still basically the same.

Stephen asks about alcohol tolerance between men and women. Dara answers women are affected more ‘because they’re smaller, and more petite, and are you trying to set me up for one of those QI traps here?”
Stephen: “well, no, you see-”

Stephen reveals that women do get more damage from alcohol (liver, etc)
Dara: “Well, that makes it all alright then, doesn’t it? We get pissed quicker, but they die, so HAHAHAHAHA.”

Stephen intros a question for Dara, and the photo changes to one with a bald man shirtless with a woman. Jo, puzzled, goes ‘is that meant to be Dara, up there?’ Dara, cracking up, goes ‘in a very ideal world, yeah…’

Alan: “The man’s genitals hang outside the body to keep cool.”
Julian: ‘Speak for yourself…”

The picture changes to one of two pairs of feet, one grey. Dara is the only one who notices this. He goes “If you wake up, and your wife’s feet are completely grey…” Alan chimes in: “You need an alibi..”

Stephen, trying to use an analogy about the Inuit people: “if you took all of them, put them five to a car…you’d have enough cars to fill the Los Angeles International Airport Car-Park”
Dara: “What, was there a conference??”

Alan breaks Stephen:
Stephen describes a disorder where people’s internal organs are switched, as in the ones that normally go on the left are on the right, and vice versa. Alan, being Alan, goes “does that mean your willy’s at the back, and your bum hole’s at the front?” Stephen, looks at him, and then face palms HARD.
Dara: “It’s tough to ride a bike…”

Stephen: ‘how do deaf people applaud that is very different from everyone else?”
Jo: “Do they applaud enthusiastically at the end of a James Blunt concert?”

Stephen: ‘What is the similarity between herring and teenage boys?”
Dara: ‘They’re both a delicacy in Norway.”

Man, Dara is on an absolute roll tonight. Meanwhile, Julian’s picking his moments, making jokes occasionally.

Alan: ‘That’s what we used to call farts when I was young…”
Jo and Stephen: ‘herring?”
Alan: “No, grunts!”

Julian has a nice anecdote about shitting himself when he met the queen, in trying to let a fart go by. Very nice.

Stephen, as Julian’s telling his story about trying to keep his fart inside, by squeezing, asks “are your muscles a little lax down there?” At that exact moment, Julian breaks his quiet, composed demeanor, and completely loses it cracking up.

Jo on the difference between ping-pong and table tennis.
“In table tennis, you serve the ball with a bat, and in ping-pong it’s launched from the vagina of a thai woman.”
I laughed way too hard at that one.

Julian falls into two different traps by guessing ‘ice’ and ‘snow’ on the Eskimo question.

Stephen: ‘What does the moon smell like?”
Jo: ‘Does it smell of Buzz Aldrin’s underpants?”

Jo: “What’s it taste of?”
Alan (doing his best Wallace impression): “Wensleydale!”

Alan, in responding to Jo’s joke about ‘Andy Ghandi’, goes ‘talk about Randy Ghandi’, and falls into the trap that, if sprung, would cost that person 150 points. Poor, Poor Alan.

Alan ends tonight with -144, which is the lowest score ever recorded on QI. Wow.

Overall: Very, very nice episode, with a lot of great running gags, and a surprising amount of collaboration. Dara of course had a career night, giving some very inspired answers. Julian didn’t do a lot, but when he spoke, he was very funny. Alan had some great moments, and even Jo had some nice jokes. The momentum did skid a bit towards GI, but it was still one I’d probably watch again.

MVP: Dara
Best Guest: Dara
Show Winner: Dara
Loser of the Week: Alan, for getting -144 points.
Best QI Fact: farting herring.


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