QI Watchdown: E6 (Everything, Etc.) or ‘SMASHED BADGERS??’

This episode is the first of two Clive episodes, and the first of the final two Vic Reeves episodes. Vic, as I’ve come to recognize, is a very funny panelist, but gains a lot when he’s backed up by a great panel. Clive specializes in backing people up. Meanwhile, Jeremy Clarkson specializes in being a laughingstock of the panel. I’m sure this will all work out well enough.

All of the buzzers are songs pertaining to the word ‘everything’. Vic’s is Barry White’s ‘You’re the First, the Last, My Everything’, which he bobs along to. Clive’s is Bryan Adams’ ‘Everything I do (I do it for you)’, which he ends with a soulful, bending into a mic stand pose, which never ceases to crack me up. Stephen, after the song ends, looks at the camera and goes, ‘Sometimes there just isn’t enough vomit in the world.’

Jeremy presses his carefully, hoping he doesn’t get something horrible like Bryan Adams. Instead, he gets ‘Every Little Thing She Does is Magic’ by the Police, which Jeremy shrugs off, going ‘that’s the best one…’

Alan’s is a very over-the-top performance of ‘Everything’s Coming Up Roses’ by Ethel Merman, which goes on for a long time, and has Alan going ‘that’s my best-ever buzzer.’

The first time Alan hits his buzzer, he energetically moves around to the Merman music.

The first couple questions have, just like last episode, a lot of information and not a lot of jokes. Vic I can compromise for, because he does have a great delivery, and he makes his endless supply of info interesting enough, better than a Rory McGrath tidbit.

Jeremy tells a story about watching for foxes with Russian Night Vision goggles, saying he passed the time with a Merlot. Alan, deadpan, goes “that’s how the whole British Empire got started…”

Clive thinks of the best uses for the fainting goats: “if you were to dramatize some nineteenth century novels…but using animals…”

Vic adds on “do they faint with fear, do they” and he brings his arm up to his forehead “when they go down?”

Stephen: “Apparently the older and more experienced fainting goats often lean against things to stop themselves from falling…”
Clive: “Somebody help me up. Actually, it must be hard to become an older fainting goat, because…the wolves are generally biting your throat out.”

Clive on the jumping lumberjacks: “If you say ‘timber’, they jump. Or ‘TAMBRE!”

Stephen says the other symptom of the lumberjacks is ‘a compulsive need to repeat foreign phrases.”

I love how the audience helps Clive out with the ‘multiple choice’ question, and they’re right on it.

Stephen reveals that men are generally better at multiple choice questions than woman. Jeremy goes “alright, so we can’t multitask, drive, have sex, talk properly or anything else, BUT WE CAN CHOOSE!”

Stephen: “The most dangerous cars are green, and driven by the Chinese.”
Alan: “And called Tanks.”

I don’t know if a lot of people caught this, but on the first question of GI, Jeremy, instead of buzzing in, just goes ‘Eeeevery little thing she does is magic.’ He just sings his buzzer. How very Jeremy of him.

Stephen: ‘What is most house-dust composed of?”
Vic: “Rust.”
Stephen: “I don’t think the MAJORITY of it is rust-”
Vic: “If you live in an iron house, like me…”

As Jeremy is riling off a list of random things that might be composing dust, Clive, quietly, goes “dust mites”. Jeremy then says, still listing, ‘Smashed Badgers.’ Then the klaxon goes off, and Jeremy thinks he set it off, so he repeats, exasperated, ‘SMASHED BADGERS!?!?” And then Jeremy tries to comprehend why the klaxon went off on Dust Mites when he said smashed badgers. Eventually when he figures out it was Clive, Clive goes “NO, THE CAMERA WAS ON HIM! I SAID NOTHING!”

And then, after Stephen riles off a list of all the things that ARE in dust, varying from house to house, Jeremy goes “so no smashed badgers?”

Stephen: ‘What would you find in the middle of a pearl?”
Alan: ‘AN OYSTER!’
Stephen: “No. (comprehending) YOU’D FIND AN OYSTER IN THE MIDDLE OF A PEARL????”

Alan: “I’ve seen a giant clam.”
Jeremy: “D’you ever put your foot in one?”
Alan: No.”
Jeremy: “I did. It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

Stephen: “How could a glass bottom keep you out of the army?”
Vic: “Is it Fragile Ass Syndrome?”
Dear God, I laughed WAY too hard at that, like Johnny’s “A SECOND ASS!” from last episode.

I love how Alan gets 2nd, even with -24. And Vic wins, because…he’s Vic.

Overall: An episode that started slow and definitely picked up as it went along. It helped that the panel was chatty, loose, and having a ton of fun. Clive definitely had a great day on this program, which again reminded me why he’s even better in front of the desk than behind it. Vic and Jeremy also had nice games, but Clive was way ahead.

MVP: Clive
Best Guest: Vic
Show Winner: Vic
Best QI Fact: Fainting Goats.

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