Three episodes into an already-solid season, and we’ve already met with our first Phill episode of the season, as well as our second Sean episode in a row, so, if anything, this will be a fairly ridiculous ordeal. Additionally, we have a return appearance from Liza Tarbuck, who hasn’t appeared since that episode where Jeremy Clarkson made some stuffed dogs screw.
Phill’s got a Boston Red Sox pin. Again, trying not to hold is against him.
Phill’s buzzer is the usual ‘Gladiators Ready’ yell, which seems to puzzle him. Sean’s is just a very long arena buzzer…which also seems to confuse him. Liza’s is GOOOOOAAAAALLL. Alan’s is a less-than-triumphant ‘good game’.
The first scenario is one where Sean, Alan and Phill all have to truel for Liza, and Alan is asked which one, of the other two he should shoot, if he has 10% accuracy.
Alan: “Shoot m’self.”
Sean: “Hang on…I’d shoot Liza.”
Stephen: “What, then you’d have a gay three-way?”
Stephen, on John Nash, says he suffered the horrible effects of being played by Russell Crowe in a film.
Phill: “Is the Ouija board really a game? I never remember any Ouija scenes in a film, and at the end, going ‘right, who won?”
Stephen says that Ouija boards were for contacting a part of oneselves.
Alan: “Dead people just joined in. They thought ‘this is the one for us.’
Phill: “Are some dead people trying to communicate with the living through Monopoly?”
Goddammit, Phill. How I missed you.
Sean, on Ouija board: “Where the competitive element?”
Alan: “You contact dead people…have a go…”
Sean: “Or you contact dead people…and they box.”
Alan: “And then they tell you how it went…”
Sean: “Ghost boxing! (a la Ghostbusters) GHOST-BOXING! On SkySports 2!”
Alan: “You see people in sheets, going” (and then he motions people flailing arms around in sheets)
Stephen: “During the American Civil War, who were the Scallywags?”
Phill: “I’m fairly sure it wasn’t the S.S.”
Stephen: “Well, that’s the odd thing-”
Phill: “IT’S THE S.S.??”
So far, very weak episode. Just failing to get off the ground. Liza’s not doing much, the jokes aren’t holding the momentum, and it’s just not holding my attention.
Stephen: “What kind of contest might end in either a checkmate or a knockout.”
Sean: “Well, choxing.”
Sean: “You could do that with other sports, couldn’t you?”
Stephen: “Like, go on then…”
Sean, trying to think of one: “…well……Chugby!”
Alan: “Darts and swimming…SWARTS!”
Stephen: “How do you win money from a casino?”
Alan: “Counting Cards!”
Liza ends up winning, which we may have seen coming.
Overall: There were some moments of insanity, but overall this was a dull show that couldn’t get things moving. Sure, the Sean-Phill dynamic was extra fun this week, and some of the questions brought up good quick answers, but there weren’t any bits that transcended the momentary ‘ha-ha’. Phill, meanwhile, was back to his Series E days of not especially doing much. Thankfully, Sean Lock was not, providing some of the best moments this episode.
Best Guest: Sean
Show Winner: Liza
Best QI Fact: vegan gladiators