Ah, nothing like a Jeff Green episode to pick us up from a shitty one. Plus, as a bonus, Matt Priest is back. So, we’re on a firm, familiar basis for this panel.
Norman Blake is the lead singer of Teenage Fanclub. Also, he’s Scottish.
Louise Redknapp is a singer and now she’s a TV personality/judge.
Jeff finally gets to be on Phill’s team. He must love being away from Sean…or maybe his bizarre humor is longing to be with Sean’s.
Math, trying to get the lyrics: “Pull up to Tesco for a pint of queers-”
Mark: “Hold up, hold up. I’ve got to stop you on a Pint of Queers. Is that what they come in?”
Norman seems to only be a spectator on the Math and Sean show. Figure he’s kind of confused as to why he’s here.
Louise: “Looks to me like a branch of Topshop.”
Phill: “It does, exactly like Topshop, because there’s a lot of women with perms, dyed hair, saying things you don’t understand…and really loud music.”
Jeff: ‘Wanna know how they got the name Fuzzbox? Cause they all had galloping bikini lines…”
Phill is so mortified that he rushes to cover Louise’s ears.
Phill: “You see, I thought the second line was ‘you’re out there drowning cats’, because…if you’ve ever HEARD Fuzzbox… ‘RRAAAAEEERRGHHHH…'”
Cut to Mark, with a look of dramatic irony.
Sean and Norman’s intro for ‘Walk of Life’ is great, because Sean’s just doing a Mark Knopfler impression, tuning and checking for keys while Norman’s doing the keyboards, and then sort of clumsily coming into the song.
Sean: “I have to point out that this next one…I’ve never heard in my life, so Norman, you’ll have to do it to the both of us…”
I find it very hard to believe that Sean did not know Radar Love…because I did within 5 seconds. But the whole time, he’s throwing in ‘Smoke on the Water’, or ‘Ooh, the Avengers theme!’
Jeff: “Can I just say you two make a great trio.”
Phill, standing next to gorgeous Louise: “And can I just say to every man in the United Kingdom watching now”
The whole joke of this round is that Louise is insanely beautiful and Jeff is insanely turned on. Halfway through the first intro, Jeff breaks and goes “ALRIGHT, I’LL GO OUT WITH YA!”
Phill and Louise’s ‘The First, the Last, My Everything’ intro is great, because of Phill’s Barry White impression.
Louise: [part of melody]
Phill: [HOARSE-THROATED MUMBLING]
Fantastic moment- Phill and Louise’s 3rd intro is a Diana Ross one, but it involves Phill doing a bassline while Louise MAKES LOUD ORGASMIC ‘AAAAHHH’ NOISES. This, obviously, is a problem for Jeff, who can’t concentrate.
Jeff: “OH, STOPPIT!”
Phill: “HE’S TENTING!”
Jeff: “OOOH, AHHH YOURSELF!”
Mark: “alright, that’s enough…”
Jeff: “NO IT’S NOT, MARK! I NEARLY HAD IT, GIVE ME ANOTHER…COUPLE OF MINUTES!”
On Lou Reed and Clive Dunn:
Sean: “Do theyyyyy both smell of piss?”
Mark: “I’d bet money that was it, but it’s not what’s on the card!”
Oh, my god. The Connections that Phill’s team is given is what Bjork, Toyah Wilcox and SEAN HUGHES all have in common.
Louise: “I don’t really know, because I don’t know much about the guy in the middle, what he’s done…”
Jeff, with the ultimate slam: ‘Mark, is it three things you think of when you’re having sex and you wanna delay it?”
Sean: “I’m so glad you’re even thinkin’ about me in bed, Jeff…”
Part 2 of Mark fucking with Phill: “Phill’s team, it wasn’t very long ago…actually, it was about 10 minutes ago, that you had a great time taking the piss out of Fuzzbox. WELL GUESS WHAT’S HAPPENING NEXT???”
The second Mark says the word Fuzzbox, you can see Phill’s entire demeanor change…DOWN TO HIS POSTURE. He even goes, quietly, “ohhhh shit…”
Mark: “Five to choose from, but Phill, which two want to kick your head in?”
Phill: ‘I’d like to point out to all five of you, might I say how beautiful you’ve all turned out tonight…that the term ‘drowning cat’ is considered a compliment in Opera…”
Mark: “And where’s topshop considered a compliment, Phill?”
Phill: “Topshop’s considered a compliment by many fine retailers, Mark, as it is the benchmark by which many are measured!”
Actually, it’s kind of nice, because Phill reveals that an old friend of his played keyboards for Fuzzbox, so he knows exactly who it is.
As the Fuzzbox girls exit, Phill and Jeff are yelling “BRAAAVOOO! WONDERFUL BAND!” Mark, as they leave, go “Right. Bring on Clive Dunn and Lou Reed.”
They bring out the Wurzels for ID Parade, and…oh dear:
Mark: “There’s been some sort of WIND-UP GOING ON…They’ve made me wear this suit, as well! I brought in a really nice suit, as well, and they said ‘no, this’ll be alright.”
Even reading the names is tough for Mark:
“Is it #1…Mark 1?
#2, Me too?
#3, the King of Grease?
[LOUD SIGH] NUMBER FOUR, THE WILTSHIRE SHEEP-WORRIER!
….i can’t even say number five…”
Phill, cheerily taking over the auto cue: “OR IS IT NUMBER FIVE! COIF RICHARD?”
Mark: “Can I just say, we were gonna do this wind-up on you, but the studio couldn’t support it…and we were gonna do it for Sean, but the embankment wasn’t quite busy that day so we couldn’t find five lookalikes…”
Norman: “I’d like to see their hands- I mean, if they worked a real combine harvester, they’d-”
Mark: “NO, THEY WERE IN A BAND!”
I feel like, because the producers thought this would be the season finale, they figured they’d fuck with the regulars. First, with throwing Sean into Connections, then making Phill have to apologize to someone he’d bitchslapped in ID Parade, and then dressing everybody like Mark right after that. All three worked out really well, though Phill’s made me laugh the hardest.
Mark has another good one, having successive Next Lines be from Bohemian Rhapsody. At the umpteenth one, Math does the line, but Sean gets him and Norman to go into ‘We Are the Champions.’
Mark: “If i go there will be trouble.”
Sean’s entire team, stopping singing for a second, then continuing “WEEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONS…”
I do love how Mark counts Series wins, saying, at the end of the episode, that Sean has won the series with 4 games.
Mark even signs off with “I’m Mark Lamarr, and AY DRINKS IT ALL THE TIME…”
Overall: WOW that was good. Like, phenomenal stuff from everybody, even Norman, who was the quietest of the four. Jeff and Math were amazing as usual, Louise was lovely and game, and the stuff the producers pulled on everyone made me laugh very hard, especially Phill. Possibly one for the pantheon.
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Jeff
Best Runner: Phill and Fuzzbox.
NEXT UP: The series ain’t over yet. CHRISTMAS SPECIAL EVERYONE! With a special guest that will shock everyone if he behaves.