Nevermind Watchdown: S5E5, or JOHN MERRICK SINGS!

Well…I can’t say I’ve heard of any of these people. I guess I don’t even have a joke to start this off with, either.

Kate Thornton is a TV presenter and former Top of the Pops host. John Hegley is a stand-up comedian and poet (though hopefully not a Roger-McGough-like poet). Carl Cox is a british DJ and mix-master. Roy Wood is the closest thing to a big-ticket act on the show, being a glam-rock icon and founder of a ton of prog-rock bands.

Kate, on Radiohead and Level 42: “Radiohead got their name from a track off a Talking Heads album, so…did Level 42 get their name off a Talking Heads album track?”
Sean: “We’re on the roooad to…Level 42.”

John’s really good, and deep, guess: “One of these groups muses on upon the agony of the human condition, and the other creates it.”

Mark, giving a hint: “The connection is a book…so Kate ain’t gonna get it…”

Carl gives the one relevant answer: “I think Bryan Adams [pictured on the toilet] was debuting his new track, “Everything I poo, I poo it for you…”
Mark, in semi-disbelief: “And Keith Moon, of course, was in The Poo.”

Mark: ‘In the early 1970’s, Keith Moon began experiencing seizures. The first one was a few kilos of cannabis, and the second…”

John, in the Intros round, just starts singing his bit, a “RIM-DIM-DIDDLY-DIM-DIM…”, RIGHT NEAR KATE, nearly horrifying her out of her chair. This goes on until Mark suggests, “Carl, could you mix that?”

John, pointing to the crowd: “They know.”
Mark: “No, it’s not really up to them, they don’t play the quiz, John. We call them…AN AUDIENCE.”

Phill, in listening to This Charming Man, lies on top of the desk motionless. Roy, in an attempt to revive him, lands on top of him.
Phill, after the fact: “Roy Wood just mounted me while I was impersonating The Smiths. Not always something you look forward to in your day. “I think I’ll go impersonate the Smiths while being mounted by a glam rock legend.

Roy, in trying to give Carl a clue: “He’s got more stupid hair than me…”
And then Phill starts doing the same thing, but with an obscured face.
Mark: “Oh yeah, it was John Merrick.”
Roy: “…thanks, pal.”
Phill: “JOHN MERRICK SINGS IS NOT AVAILABLE IN THE SHOPS!”
Mark: “The slamming new mix from the Elephant Man. “THITH ITH NOT ATHAILABLE IN ANY THOPS!”

Sean’s trying to guess Phill and Roy’s ELO intro
Sean: “The only one I remember is, uh, Mr. Telephone Man.”
Mark: “D’you remember [whispered] Mr. Blue Sky?”
Sean: “YEAH, MR. BLUE SKY!”
Mark: “Wasn’t that one either.”

Carl, trying to guess the Bing Crosby song: “Didn’t he, uh, do it with Doris Day?”
Phill: “WHOA! EASY THERE TIGER!”
Roy: “DO I LOOK LIKE DORIS DAY, OR WHAT?”
Phill: ‘Did Bing do it with Doris Day? What a lovely image!”
And with this, Phill mimes Bing Crosby having sex, and it’s fantastic.

Mark’s ID Parade introductions keep getting funnier. For the Real Thing, guy, he names #3 simply “the Thing.”

Sean’s ID Parade, for the Nolans…dear LORD…
Screen Shot 2016-12-03 at 5.31.28 PM.png
Mark: “Sean’s team, I think the odds are SLIGHTLY cut down in your favor…”

Screen Shot 2016-12-03 at 5.33.55 PM.png

#2…I’M IN THE MOOD FOR *STARING*

Mark’s names are also pretty vicious in here.
“#3, I’m in the mood for KNITTING.
#4, I’m in the mood for welding.
#5…I’m just in a mood.”

Sean: “Nolan’s…ALL *GIRL* Irish BAND.”
Mark: ‘ Sean, you’ve spotted the flaw in our lineup. Well done, you’re like a modern day Eagle Eye Cherry.”

Sean thinks that cursing in Irish will reveal the real one, so he does…and then #4 just doubles over laughing. Mark, visibly angry, goes “LINDA. WELL DONE. NICE WORK ON THE STAYING STILL! ALL WE ASK is you come on and stay still! And you come on, and go “I’ll just giggle…and wave, and occasionally break into song.”

After Mark just tells #4 to step forward, he calls her over, and goes “…you’ve made a MOCKERY OF THIS SHOW! Look, you had these four people, ANY OF THEM COULD HAVE BEEN YOU, AND YOU MADE A MOCKERY OF IT!”
Linda: “You didn’t hear what he said!”
Mark: “I NEVER listen to what he says!”

Next Lines: “Judy in disguise.”
John: “With diamonds.”
Mark: “No. Judy in disguise, not the skies.”

Mark: “Oh, Black Betty.”
Sean: “Ram-a-dam.”
Mark: “RAMADAN?”
Sean: “it’s a religious ceremony…”
Mark: “Not like they go “OOH, BLACK BETTY. YOM KIPPUR.” It’s pretty unlikely…”

Mark signs off using his John Merrick voice.

Overall: Yet another fantastic episode from this stellar season. A TON of great running gags, a ton of great moments, and some panelists that were definitely on, including Roy and John, not to discredit Kate and Carl. Plus, Mark is sloooowly becoming the wild personality that he’s be known for by the time he leaves.

Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Roy
Best Runner: John Merrick.

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