Good news is we’ve got people I’ve actually heard of, including Frank Skinner, Goldie, famed rapper and Bond henchman, and Les McKeown, lead singer of the Bay City Rollers. Martine McCutcheon is also here, and she was on EastEnders and was in Love, Actually.
Les, on Elton John and Roy Wood: “Is it, a Wizard makes things appear with a poof, and Elton often disappears with a po-”
Mark: “HANG ON!!! I couldn’t allow the end of that sentence to be broadcast.”
Frank: “D’you know Roy Wood?”
Mark: “Uh, yeah.”
Frank: “No, the response is..no, but thanks for the tip.”
Mark: “Alright, we’ll try it again.”
Frank: “D’you know Roy Wood?”
Mark: “Yeah, he’s been on- oh, sorry.”
Frank: “It works with Vanessa May, too. ‘D’you know Tom Waits? Not many men do?’ Bill Withers, it works wit-”
Mark: “Oh, shut up…”
Frank: “Stevie Nicks. Well, don’t let ‘er in your house.”
Mark later has a joke about Max Factor.
Frank: “D’you know Max Factor?”
Mark, into his mic: “CAN WE BRING IN MY CROSSBOW?”
For the Intros round, they have all the tunes, instead of being performed by panelists, they bring in Rick Wakeman and Bill Bailey, in costume. Man, I love how both of them, at this point, were thought of as NMTB MVPs.
This is great. They’re just doing Christmas carols on a guitar and a piano. It’s also fun to watch Bill’s expressions.
Mark, on Rick: “I’ve never seen a man dressed so badly look so happy.”
Rick, flashing Mark: “WANNA KNOW WHY?”
Mark: “Oh, he’s had a tattoo done.”
Mark: “Ram Jam consisted of drummer Pete Charles, guitarist Bill Bartlett, and singer Arthur Blovelt. No one knows what happened to the rest of the band, but Blovelt was last seen living in a hollowed out volcano plotting world domination.”
Okay…THAT was good.
In the middle of a really good ‘Sunshine of your love’ Bill and Rick just randomly make a key change and go back into Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. It’s actually pretty hysterical.
Les and Mark have this argument about whether or not the third Intro is ABBA, as Mark already confirmed it’s Mike Oldfield.
Les: “Was he in ABBA?”
Phill, just wanting it to end: “YES, LES. HE WAS.”
Mark: “Mike Oldfield suffers from claustrophobia, agoraphobia and vertigo. He only found this out when he was stuck in a ski-lift.”
After a joke doesn’t get any response, and the next one ends in ‘Bender’ gets a ton of response, he just starts inserting the word Bender in random jokes. He then goes “Man, Bender in a ski-lift’ sounds like a good song. [to Rick and Bill] sing that one!”
In ID Parade, one of the puppets falls off the stand right after being introduced.
Mark: “I’m not sure, but I think Goldie pushed him…”
Frank: “D’you think Orville looks like Natalie Imbruglia?”
Frank: “Last time I saw Pinky and Perky, they were wrapped ’round a scotch egg.”
And then the two pig puppets look over at him like ‘you wanna go?’
Mark tells Keith Harris he’d like to hear Orville say some dirty words. Goldie does start objecting, and Keith, as Orville, goes “‘EY! BALDIE! SHUT IT!”
Mark: “I think we’re all a bit curious. Does Orville know the word ‘cunt’?”
Orville: ‘TE-HE! I’M LOOKIN’ AT ONE!”
The other ID Parade is asking which, on cardboard cutouts of rappers, hasn’t been shot. And then the object is for someone to shoot them, “so he feels like a success.” Very dark, but very clever.
Phill, with his gun: “If anyone has seen the new James Bond film, Robbie Coltrane is in it”, and then he strikes a pose, looking a hell of a lot like Robbie Coltrane.
Yeah, but…uh…there’s a bloke on your panel who was ALSO in the new James Bond film, Phill.
Overall: A very fun, very off-kilter Christmas show, ruled by some great Frank Skinner moments, and appearances by Bill and Rick. Goldie and Les were funny, if quieter, and Martine didn’t do a bloody thing. Also, this is the last show of the 90’s, which means we’re onto the 2000’s next!
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Frank
Best Runner: Frank’s dive-bombing jokes.