Oh, thank GOD, people I’ve heard of are here!
Jo Brand is back, and also we’ve got Mel B, aka Scary Spice, which is pretty nice, because she’s still pretty relevant, as she’s been judging America’s Got Talent for a few years.
Josh Doyle is the lead singer of the Dum Dums. Sally James is a former children’s presenter, and used to be on Tiswas.
Josh makes a point about the Chas and Dave video, especially the cardboard cutouts they stick their heads into, specifically: “Why do they have to do that if that’s what they actually wear?”
Jo, on Chas & Dave and Jello Biafra: “Are they all really talented, apart from Chas and Dave?”
Mark: “Hey, I’m not having a word against Chas and Dave on this show!”
Jo: “Are they all really handsome…apart from Chas and Dave?”
Phill: ‘I think I’ve got it. Jello Biafra is the Godfather of Punk, and Chas and Dave are the godfather’s of the drummer’s niece!”
Mel B, on Boy George and David Lee Roth: “I think it’s obvious. They’re both rumored to be gay, and they were shagging.”
Mark, very over-the-top: “BOY GEORGE IS RUMORED TO BE WWWHHAAATTT??? WE’VE HAD ‘IM ON THIS VERY SHOW!!!”
Mel: “We’ve been going on this subject for ages! What is the bluddy answer??”
Mark: “Well, some of your albums drag on, BUT WE ALL BUY THEM!!!”
Mel, charmingly, flips him off.
Mark: “At a recent Culture Club soundcheck, Boy George narrowly escaped death when a four foot glitter ball landed on him from the ceiling. Terrible way to go…smashed to pieces on an old poof.”
(Brings back memories of “GEORGE…YA BIG POOF!”)
Mark: “Boy George’s first band was called ‘In Praise of Lemmings. I dunno why he’d name his-”
Suddenly, Mel B just starts cracking up at that.
Mark: “THAT’S NOT EVEN THE JOKE!”
It’s eventually revealed that Mel thought he said ‘In Praise of Lemons’.
Jo, absolutely dumbfounded: ‘Is it a number from Oliver?”
Phill, cradling Josh: “BOOOOYYY FOR SSAAAAALLLE…”
Before one of her intros, Mel yells at Sean to “GOOOO!” This confuses the hell out of Sean, and Mark gives her shit about it. “What, is that the new stoplight? Instead of a green light, it’s just “GOOOOO!!!”
Best argument in the show’s history. So, ID Parade is John Ottway. And Sean, KNOWS John Ottway. So he says it’s #2, but Mel keeps disagreeing with him, saying it’s number four. The argument keeps going on, Mark becomes absolutely dumbfounded that she’s not seeing this logically, goes over there, knocks on her head and yells “ANYBODY HOME!!!”
Phill, after the argument has semi-subsided: “Would you three please just have sex and get it over with?”
The epitome of Mel B in this show, during Next Lines:
Mel B: “Oh, I don’t know.”
Mark: “You did a version of it!!”
Mark, in signing off, says “I’ve been Mark Lamarr, and it’s time for me to GOOOO!”
Overall: Not perfect, but had some definite highlights. The entire panel was having fun, especially Jo and Mel. Mel was very hard to handle, but she gave some great answers, and her banter with Mark was hysterical.
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Mel
Best Runner: GOOOO!!!