I don’t think I’ve ever been excited for a single panel dynamic more than I have been for Sean’s tonight. On Sean’s left will be Dave Mustaine, from Megadeth. On Sean’s right will be the exact opposite of Dave Mustaine, an uncool, unrocking old fart named Arthur Smith. This will be hysterical if done right.
I’d be excited for Phill’s if I knew either of them. Tania Strecker’s a TV Presenter from Denmark. Bryan Harvey sang lead for boy/pop band East 17. Fairly normal NMTB panel. It’s alright, because Phill’s getting a good one next ep.
Sean, on Elton John: “Why would he cancel a gig? Dave, y’ever cancel a gig?”
Dave: “Uh, yeah.”
Dave: “Ran out of drugs.”
THIS IS WHAT WE’RE IN FOR LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
Bryan says that he never stormed offstage during a gig, even if there were “several people in the stands going like [fuck off]”
Mark, cheerfully: “HE SAW ME!”
Arthur, trying to prove a point: “Have you ever eaten a cricket, Sean?”
Sean: “Yeah, I have.”
Arthur: “So have I. It was backstage at a Buddy Holly concert.”
Arthur: “Crickets enjoy rubbing their legs together.”
Sean: “They haven’t GOT LEGS!”
Arthur: “OF COURSE THEY’VE GOT LEGS!”
Mark, confused: “Sean, what kinds of crickets have you been hanging about with???”
Sean: “Crickets enjoy that sort of piano bar music.”
Arthur: “How do you know? The only crickets you know have got no legs!!”
Mark realizes the video-screen is making it look like Elton’s mouth is directly behind him. He goes “OH, I DON’T LIKE THAT SHOT! I’m in Elton’s mouth. Brings back too many unhappy memories…”
Dave has quite possibly the best line so far, going with the floral arrangement answer: “I think that someone put roses on his piano, and what he really wanted was two-lips on his organ.”
There’s a great moment where Tania, coming from a “posh background”, asks if Sean meant “maaahsterbating”. Mark even goes “I’ve never heard anybody say it like that before…”
Mark: “In 1994, Alice in Chains opened for Metallica in the “Shit in the Shed” tour…presumably named after things you’d rather do than listen to Alice in Chains…”
Arthur, after Dave and Sean’s first intro: “Despair and disillusionment are essential moments in the progress of the intellectual soul.”
Mark: “HE DOESN’T KNOW!!!”
Arthur: “I love the idea that the man from Megadeth is doing The Shadows…”
Dave: “Trust me, my career’s over after this…”
I find it very odd that they did a song by The Offspring that A.) I knew, B.) Isn’t very well known, and C.) Nobody on the panel knew. Very cool.
Tania on her first intro is so pathetic that it’s funny. She doesn’t know the song. Then Mark says the title, and she doesn’t get it. Then Mark says it again. Then he gives her an anagram of the words. Then he gives up and just gives her the card. All the while Phill and Bryan just keep doing the intro. It’s hysterical.
Phill tries doing the next intro, but he loses Tania AND Bryan. So, in the middle, he goes “TWO THREE FOUR” and goes right back into Into the Valley.
Tania, on Coldplay’s Yellow: “Such a good song…such an AMAZING song.”
AND THUS, NO ONE ON NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS WOULD EVER SAY A GOOD THING ABOUT COLDPLAY EVER AGAIN.
Mark, summing up the episode so far: “At the end of that round, Sean’s team….with Arthur….ONE.”
#1 in Sean’s ID Parade is Staring Pirate Man, way back before they figured out what to do with him. Not Athelston, but still funny.
Arthur: “But what is the point of having one of them poorly dressed as a woman?”
Sean: “They just want Eddie Izzard to know what he’s going to look like in 20 years time.”
Dave: “It’s #3.”
Sean: “Dave, you haven’t even heard of the band!!”
Dave: “…who cares…”
Phill is having a hell of a time screwing with Tania. Tania picks 32, saying he’s ‘the man with the chin’. Phill, making an overdramatic realization, goes “WAIT…JUST A MINUTE…ALL *FIVE* OF THEM HAVE GOT CHINS!!!”
Next Lines: “If you think I can go away.”
Phill: “Ooh, East 17 song…”
Bryan, teeth clenched: “DON’T THINK I CAN TAKE THE PAIN.”
Mark: “ONE POINT.”
Mark: “No escaping pain. You belong to me.”
Sean: “EEHHHH. EEEHHHH. EHHHH. DEVIL”
Dave gives the actual Megadeth line, and Mark retorts “I liked Sean’s version better.”
Mark: ‘All around my hat.”
Arthur: “An enormous…circular cat.”
Mark: ‘THANK YOU DOCTOR SEUSS.”
Overall: That was hysterical, and another strong Series 8 show. It helped that the panel was on, and everyone had something to contribute. Bryan was great being confused in Intros. Dave had some great lines. Arthur, of course, was fantastic and had the best moments. Tania was great because Phill and Mark screwed with her the whole show. A good sign after a rocky Series 7.
Best Regular: Sean
Best Guest: Arthur
Best Runner: Mark vs. Arthur