Nevermind Watchdown: S8E7, or Just Do the Clicking, Goth Boy!

Skipping over Episode 6 until I find a copy online, we venture onto an episode with four newbies, and four people I really haven’t heard of.

Steve Harley sang with pop-ish-rock band Cockney Rebel back in the 70’s. Lisa Rogers is the 5,000th top of the pops presenter NMTB has had on. Dani Filth is, of all things, a metal lead singer, for Cradle of Filth. Eddie Brill is, a rarity, an American comedian, though he comes from Boston rather than Alabama, which would be Vic Henley’s home.

Sorry, but is Dani Filth just a metal version of Brian Molko?

Sean, on Chuck Berry and Blur: “Is it that the last 50 years of Chuck Berry’s life is a BLUR?”

Lisa: “Damon, I think, in that clip was sucking on a small sweet…and Chuck got arrested for sucking on something small and sweet.”
Just as good as Dave Mustaine’s comment about Elton John’s ‘two lips’

Sean: “I know they played Chuck Berry’s music on the Voyeur, I mean the Voyager!”
Phill: “Yeah, a satellite going all ’round the universe, going “I SAY…DING DONG…”

Mark: “What’d you think connects those two?”
Dani, doing a momentary Rich Hall impression: “Could it be that pink line in the middle? Which, unfortunately, says ‘cock'”
Phill: “Garcia and Vicious…linked by a Pink Cock.”

Phill: “The Grateful Dead, they weren’t really dead, and Sid Vicious, he wasn’t really vicious.”
Eddie: “Also, the Grateful dead weren’t really that great…”
Mark: “And Sid Vicious’ name wasn’t really Sid. WHAT FUN WE’RE HAVING!!!”

Phill: “I think it’d be nice if Sid’s motorcycle had a sidecar…little plasticine dog in it…Sid and Gromit.”
Mark: “MORE CHEESE, SID?”
Eddie: “More likely to be ‘Sid and Vomit’.”

Eddie: “He’s singing a song by Johnnie Cochran, and he’s screaming because he’s got a cock ring.”
Mark: “We call him Eddie Cochran here. Johnnie Cochran was the O.J. lawyer! He didn’t write ‘Come on Everybody’.”
Phill: “Or maybe he did, “I PUT IT TO YOU, MISTAH LAMAAH…I DID INDEED WRITE…”
Mark: “Phill, Johnnie Cochran wasn’t in Song of the South!”

For a bonus, Mark asks the panel what Jimmy Savile said about the Sid Vicious video. “And yes, Dani, there is a big pink cock in between them…”
Sean: “Did he say “SHAWAHDEH…WADEH…” (Not as good as Hugh’s.)

Mark, to Dani: “What’s your sort of thing called? Death grunt metal?”
Dani: “Heavy funk, actually. You need to get with the times…”
Mark, standing over with Dani: “Let’s just see which period I’d be happier in……I’m okay…”
Dani: I was gonna say ‘well, that’s obviously the 70’s'”
Mark: “YES DANI, I WISH I COULD LEAVE LOOKING LIKE YOU! But no one’s flowed into my bathroom and left the two little marks on my neck, so I won’t.”

Dani does eventually fuck up his first intro.
Eddie, sarcastically: “I’ve got rhythm!”
Mark: “I could quite happily brink bleach now.”
Dani: “Bleach would actually be nice about now actually…”
Mark: “YOU DON’T DRINK BLEACH! You’re just being a silly goose right now, Mister Filth…”

Eddie, by the way, is basically an American Stewart Francis. Sounds exactly like him.

Mark: “Dani, I’ve never been to one of your gigs, but I’d love to if you all come on, lay down your instruments and go “MEET THE GANG CAUSE THE BOYS ARE HERE…”
Surprisingly this isn’t the last It Ain’t Half Hot, Mum reference Mark Lamarr will make on NMTB.

Dani: “On four?”
Phill, doing an Igor impression: “ANYTHING, MAAHSTAH, ANYTHING YOU SAY…”
Mark: “Phill, I’ve told you not to use this show for auditioning purposes…”

Sean guesses the wrong Nirvana song.
Dani: “Come on, there’s only nine songs. How many albums have they done, two?”
Sean: “Yeah, that makes EIGHTEEN! Cause I can remember twelve of yours!!”
Phill: “TELL ME TA KILL THEM, MAAATHTAH!”
Mark: “No, not that again. The Hunchfront of Buzzcocks.”

Dani, in the middle of ‘Have You Seen Her’, just does a long, over the top metal noise, which nobody really gets. Aftewards, Mark goes “Yeah, Phill was doing Have You Seen Her, but I think Dani was doing ‘Have You Seen Her, Cause I’ve Buried Her Around Here Somewhere’. “I AM A BLEACH DRINKER!!”

Mark throws two people, #1 and #5, out of Phill’s ID Parade for “bad attitude”. It’s actually kind of amusing. Then he throws out #2. “I’m making it very easy for you now…”

Dani: “I think it’s #3.”
Phill: “BUT THERE’S ONLY TWO OF THEM NOW!!!”

Mark: “Right, let’s make this a bit easier. #3, COULD YOU LEAVE?”
Dani: “Is it #3?”
Mark: “Let’s see, out of the remaining one people…”

Mark, Next Lines: “Come up and see me, make me smile.”
Steve, realizing it’s one of his: “DAH!”
Mark: “That’s near enough…”

Eddie and Mark turn Barbara Ann, the Beach Boys song, into an ode to Cradle of Filth, and Phill eventually joins in (she’s got me digging’ and a burin’…”) Dani eventually has to go “GUYS! Crap jokes, and i’m gonna lose this…”
Phill: “THE BOY’S COMPETITIVE!”

Ending the MC Hammer running gag he’s been doing all night (dun-dun-un-un…dun-un…dun-un HAVE YOU SEEN HER), Mark signs off with “I’ve been Mark Lamarr (dun-dun-un-un…dun-un…dun-un) Drink Bleach, (dun-dun-un-un…dun-un…dun-un) Goodnight.”

Overall: An episode that certainly made up for the last few, and set a new high for the series, thanks to Phill, Dani and Eddie being so on. Mark and Phill screwing with Dani brought out the best stuff in everybody, and brought a ton of running gags. Steve and Lisa had some good stuff, but weren’t as good as the other panel.

Best Regular: Mark
Best Guest: Dani
Best Runner: Drinking Bleach.

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