QI Watchdown: G9 (Gallimaufrey), or VHERE IS YOUR LICENSE??

I just walked right into a QI miracle. I just got out of one of the funnier QIs in a WHILE (Germany), and now we’re going into an episode with PHILL…and ANDY HAMILTON (who doesn’t appear enough!)…and HUGH DENNIS! Three people who’ve been really great on this program before…and hopefully they can combine for an even bigger one.

I mean, sadly, this is Hugh’s last QI, but he only did two so it’s not too big of a loss. Besides, his protege Chris Addison will be here soon enough.

Hugh is intro’d as the ‘gauche-gutted Hugh Dennis’. He smiles, and then turns to Andy and goes ‘what does that mean??’

Phill’s buzzer is a very light horn-and-string piece…so of course he starts head-banging to it. Alan’s buzzer is, for some reason, George Formby.

Stephen: “I called you gravy-eyed. What do you think that means?”
Hugh, taking the literal approach: ‘Eyes like gravy?”

The very first round is a Call My Bluff of Georgian slang. Andy immediately goes ‘please don’t do it like Robert Robinson, or I’m walking off.’
Stephen, as Robinson: “A Gentleman of Three Outs. What can it mean? AANDY HAS THE AAANSWER.”

Andy says it’s a person “without money, without wit, and without manners.”
Stephen: “So it’s sort of like a Piers Morgan of the 18th century?”
Andy: “Before he got rich, yes.”

Alan says it best about the Call my Bluff: “Why are we playing Call My Bluff? It’s a shit game. WE’VE INVENTED A REALLY GOOD GAME, and here we are playing a shit game! On Call My Bluff, they’re busy playing QI and they’re having a RIOT!”

Phill’s CMB anecdote, of an out-of-work actor getting really, really into his bluff in an effort to get work, is really wonderful, and proves how great Phill is on this show.

Stephen says the Captain filled the whole tub with sewage-
Alan: “And then left it. Like the hotel bathroom.”
Stephen: “It vas like dat when I got zere, ya ya…”
Alan: “Don’t go in dat vun, my goddd..”

Stephen said he’d been at boarding school and have a raid to the kitchen to steal some of the jelly.
Alan: “That they left out especially for the ones that were gonna raid the kitchen…’the kids have been raiding the kitchen again. better leave some jelly out.”

Hugh: ‘If people do get up very early, they will justify that by saying “Best Part of the Day!” You think, ‘it’s not, it’s just PART of the day…I see it another bit of the day…”

Surprisingly this is a very Andy-led show, which is weird, because Andy is usually the guy that sits back and lets the others go. Phill is giving a ton of stuff, as is Hugh, but there’s a lot coming from Andy, and the episode’s reflecting that.

All four have to guess each other’s handwriting in one bit. However, Phill made it very easy by writing, in his, ‘Hello, My name is Phill Jupitus.’
Stephen: ‘I wonder who that could be…”

Hugh, who clearly doesn’t remember his last time on: “May I ask why [in that photo] am I wearing a beret?”

The ‘Phill’ one ends up being Andy, and it’s really, really good handwriting. Hugh gets it because of all the stuff he’s been scribbling on his scripts.

It’s weird, because I thought the ‘Points of View’ one, that turns out to be Alan, was Hugh’s, because I know how often the ‘Points of View’ topic comes up on ‘Scenes we’d like to see’ (Frankie Boyle’s “DEAH POINTS OF VIEW, I’D LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE WEIRD ACCENT YOU’RE READING MY LETTAH IN???”)

Phill is asked how he knew it was Alan’s.
Phill: “I just thought…that looks like Alan wrote it…which is the only way you can play this game…”

Stephen, evaluating: “Close lettering is…unstable, I’m afraid.”
Alan, justifying: “There wasn’t much room on the paper!”

Stephen: “The Goldilocks effect is used in business. You set a price on something.”
Phill: “And then you set three bears on them.”

Stephen: “Who had the first-ever driving license?”
Alan: “The queen.”
Stephen: “You couldn’t be wrongerer. The queen has no need for a license, though she drives.”
Phill: “So what does she show the person at Blockbuster’s then, to prove her address, then?”
Stephen: “A 20 pound note.”

Hugh says that Karl Benz had the first-ever driving license.
Alan: “He just made one for himself. “I ZHINK I NEED A LICENSE?? Into sis MACHINE…ZIZ LICENSE TO DRIVE…zhere, I can drive.”
Phill: “Now you’re License #1.”
Alan: ‘NUMBER ZERO ZERO ZERO…ONE.
Andy: “I bet the first thing he did when he got on the road was stop the next bloke and go “VHERE IS YOUR LICENSE???”
Alan: “I WILL ISSUE IT AS A LICENSE. THAT’S FIVE MARKS.”
Phill: “ZERO ZERO ZERO…*TWO*!”
Alan: “GOOD DAY TO YOU………WHERE IS *YOUR* LICENSE?”

Stephen talks of the Steamboiler Supervision Association that started making licenses.
Alan, same German voice: “ZE S.S……*A.*”

Stephen: “Until the 14th of May, 2002-”
Alan: “He was still doing it. “NUMBER ONE MILLION ONE THOUSAND…”

Stephen: “If I can see a black-and-white film, I can see which side the light’s coming from.”
Alan: “Yes, but not in the DARK, Stephen. Sometimes you are relying on the color, let’s face it…”
Stephen: “Yes, you’re right-”
Andy: “I mean, don’t argue, because that is what the terrorists want…”

Hugh, on why birds go south for the winter: “I think it’s because of the warmth.”
Stephen: “Yes, but what is the advantage of the warmth?”
Hugh, practical: “WELL…YA FEEL NICER??”

Stephen: “What happened to the Snail Telegram, or Snail Telegraph?”
(photo of a snail sitting on top of a telegraph.)
Andy: “That’s…that’s not it, is it??”

Stephen talks about the snail telegraph system, and “amazingly he got someone to invest in it.”
Hugh: “And that, gentlemen, is how we cracked the Enigma Code.”

Stephen: ‘Take a child and give them a really sugary drink. What happens?”
Alan: “I haven’t got any kids. I’ve no idea.”

There’s a photo of a very darkly-furred monkey. Alan, without missing a beat, goes “that’s Russell Brand.”

Phill winces after hearing he’s got -17. He has a full facial reaction, too.

Overall: Another really nice show, with all four players doing some really solid stuff. Phill was back to mowing down jokes like usual, after a down show a few episodes ago, and Hugh had another toward-the-background show, though still really funny. Andy, however, was the real revelation- he dominated this show, having some of the best jokes, and feeling like he’d anchored shows before. It was really something special.

MVP: Andy
Best Guest: Phill
Show Winner: Hugh
Best QI Fact: Snail Telegraph
Best Runner: Hugh’s feminine side, or VHERE IS YOUR LICENSE???

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