Nevermind Watchdown: S11E2, or He is the One in 5ive

Onto another Bill Bailey romp, this one featuring another member of 5ive, Abz Love, and TWO members of UB40, Ali and Robin Campbell, and Marilyn, a generally androgynous white Jamaican pop star. So…a Jamaican Pete Burns, perhaps? Should at least be fun for Mark.

Mark, introing Abz: “Up until last year, Abz was one fifth of 5ive, which, for any 5ive fans watching, is ONE.”

Because both Campbell brothers are on, Mark retells the joke from Ali’s intro when he’s introing Robin. He goes “I thought you’d enjoy that, it’s like covering a recent classic.”

On the Nickelback video, Phill: “Let’s go back to that Jesus-lookin’ fella..”
Mark: “Is that your image of Jesus?”
Phill: “Yeah. JESUS IS BACK, AND HE ROCKS! I heard he healed Slipknot at Glastonbury earlier this year. All those scabby bits- GONE. They’re now The Nolans.”

Bill on the Leo Sayer video: “It looks like a 1970’s Belgian telethon. “TO STOP THIS FOOLISHNESS…”

Marilyn, pointing to the long-legged guy’s trouserline- “Is that someone’s head?”
Mark: “oh yeah, in your dreams…”

After two intros, it becomes clear that Robin only really knows reggae, so Mark, in tune with Phill and Abs, just starts singing Three Little Birds. Eventually in turns into him and both Campbells just singing Bob Marley, which is fun.

Mark, afterward: “Does anyone care what that was? The question was…has Robin heard any songs ever recorded by white people?”

Mark: “This next one is a reggae tune, and if you don’t get it, I’M GONNA WHUP YA DOWN, SIR!”
Phill, sincere: “He will…he has a ratchet…”

Mark dresses Ali down for not standing up during Intros. Mark even says “If I was at one of your gigs, I’d be standing…only way to get out, anyway…”

Marilyn isn’t great with heavy metal, so when he gets the fact that it’s a Whitesnake tune, he’s so surprised, as is everyone else, that he doesn’t realize he has to say the title.
Marilyn: “Can I get one point?”
Mark: “You get the title, it’s one point. I’d give you half, but it won’t count toward your final score.”

Marilyn: “Uhhh…screwed by satan.”
Mark: “Is that the name of a Whitesnake song?”
Marilyn gives a dumbfounded shrug.
Mark: “Or as that what you’re gonna do after the show?”

Marilyn denies that Bill tried to mouth him the title to the Coldplay track.
Marilyn: “The lips on his face weren’t movin’..”
Mark: “WHAT OTHER LIPS HAS BILL GOT?? BLOODY GOOD OPERATION IF IT IS!!”

I know that #4 in the French ID Parade ain’t it, because I remember her from the Nolan’s lineup as “I’m in the mood for knitting”, next to Athelston, who was in the mood for staring.

Abs says he doesn’t remember French, as he was “still in me mum’s womb.”
Phill: “Yeah, but that was six years ago…”
Abs: “OH, IT WAS…”
Mark: “So are you telling me that when you were in 5ive, you WERE FIVE?”

Bill: “I’m gonna go…mad, and say #1.”
Mark: “No, going mad would be, like ‘#8’. The 5ive tribute band, EIGHT!”

Next Lines, Mark: “And the pretty girl has a hand in mind, and the silver string is a poor man’s wine.”
Bill: ‘And the…tiny…little…creatures of the woodland, come…”
jesus, Bill’s bizarro humor just fits this show.
Mark: “EVERYTHING ENDS UP as a script from Lord of the Rings.”

Mark: “I am the one in ten.”
Phill, pointing to Abs: “He is the one in 5ive.”
Absolutely perfect. That was a golden moment.

Overall: Solid, funny episode, definitely a step up from the last one, thanks to the Campbell brothers, and the thousands of 5ive jokes. it also helps that Bill was coming into his own, even though he still wasn’t the episode standout (that was Phill). Marilyn was fun and manageable, and everything was pretty nice.

Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Abs or Marilyn
Best Runner: 5ive jokes.

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