QI Watchdown: G13 (Gothic)

Onto a rather dark episode, technically though not nominally the Halloween special, featuring two very dark comedians, Jack Dee and Jimmy Carr, and one that will eventually become one of QI’s more tenured ones, Sue Perkins.

Jimmy’s buzzer is a Shining-esque “HEEERE’S JIMMY!”, which he seems to enjoy. Sue’s is a Wilhelm Scream, which she seems flabbergasted by. Alan’s is “Arsenal, Nil, Norwich City, 3”, which Alan glares at Stephen for.

Sue’s description of the Goths: “The Goths were an ancient German tribe, I think, who wore crushed velvet and very, very thin drainpipe trousers, and spat in shopping centers.”

Stephen: “The Goths were actually Scandiwegian, and…you [Alan] look Scandiwegian-”
Sue: ‘Scandinavian and Glaswegian?”
Jimmy: “They sound dangerous!”

Jimmy: ‘BAD MONKS! There’s a good idea for a book.”
Jack: “They did that, it was called The DaVinci Code”
Jimmy: “They should have called it Bad Monks. It’s a film about some BAAAD monks! These monks have turned NASTY!”

Stephen: “Does Carpenter Gothic mean anything to you?”
Jimmy: “Carpenter Gothic? It was an interesting phase in their recording career. Cause she was quite skinny anyway, and she had the mascara…”

Stephen says the guy who painted American Gothic was Grant Wood.
Sue: “Grant Wood. Sounds like a porn star.”
Alan: “I GRANT WOOD! THANK YOU!”

Jimmy, on ‘Gothic’: “It’s great, because it makes me think the Goths sacked Rome…after being nagged about it by their mum for a fortnight.”

Jack: “I was a goth for a while.”
Stephen: “Were you?”
Jack: “Yeah, I was asked to leave because I was too miserable…”
Sue: “You were bringing them down?”
Alan: “I was an emu for a while…”

Jack: “What’s the difference between an emo and a goth? I’ve forgotten that…”
Alan: “One’s a flightless bird…”

Stephen: “Who painted Still Life with Sunflowers?”
Sue: “Van Goff.”
KLAXON
Jimmy: “No, then it’s Van Go-TH!”
KLAXON- VAN GOTH
Sue: “VAN GO!”
KLAXON- VAN GO
Sue: “GAAAHHHH!”
Jimmy: “OOH! Cezanne.”

Stephen: “There’s now a theory that Van Gogh’s ear was cut off by Gauguin.”
Jimmy: “Oh, it’s not pronounced Gauguin.”
Sue: “It’s HOOOOOOOCHHAAUN!”

Stephen: “Alan, you’re a zombie. You bite Jimmy. Jimmy, you bite Jack, and Jack, you bite Mel.”
Alan, correcting: “Sue.”
Sue looks confused and perturbed. Stephen just face palms. Jimmy does the Jimmy laugh.

Jimmy, on the zombie outbreak question: “I think it’s a trick question, because [Alan]’s a vegetarian. You wouldn’t bite me, I don’t think. You’d have a salad.”
Alan: “I wouldn’t CONSUME you, but I would be prepared to kill you, turn you into one of me, BWAHAHAHAHA!”
Jimmy: “AND THEN WE WILLLL ALL LIVE IN WINDMILLS AND SOLVE CRIMES!”
Fantastic link to Jonathan Creek, there.
Alan: “I LOOK like the character…not actually me.”
Jimmy: “Whereas Mel looks NOTHING LIKE HERSELF!”

Stephen reveals that people in Ghana can be buried in any object-shaped coffin they’d like. The picture shows a fish-coffin.
Jack: “Was he cremated or grilled?”

Jimmy’s got a lot of great lines about death. On dying too young, he says “there must be an age of which they die, where they say “naw actually, that’d be enough, that’ll do…”
Or, on ‘a loss in the family’ stones: “Well, everyone’s death is a loss in the family, so…”

Weird part about ‘see me rot dot com’, which is mentioned here, is that it’s not the first time i’ve been told about this. Ex-gf of mine. She was into some weird shit.

Stephen: “There are a lot of people who are deathly afraid of being buried alive.”
Alan: “I am quite afraid of it, now that you mention it…”

Stephen: “It has the biggest eyes of any animal relative to its head. The human equivalent to that-”
Jimmy: “-would be Natalie Imbruglia.”
Stephen: “They’re rather ugly…”
Jimmy: “I think she’s sexy…”

Stephen says this squid is able to “dazzle” anyone who tries to devour it.
Jimmy: “Its defense it to dazzle? Like, TA-DAAHHH!”
Sue, with a perfect analogy: ‘It’s the John Barrowman of deep-sea specimens…”

Stephen: “What’s the toughest way to become a mummy.”
Jimmy, after a thoughtful beat: “Reverse cowgirl?”
The audience applauds.
Stephen: “Now, they understand that. You’ll have to explain that to me.”
Jimmy: “i’m going to need a volunteer from the audience…”

On the town in florida that had 2/3rd of the US’s amputees in 1965.
Jack: “Did this town cost an arm and a leg to live there?”
Jimmy: “Is it the town where they put the diabetic clinic next to the donut shop?”
The audience literally has to stop and groan at that, in the midst of laughing. Jimmy’s even going “WHAT??”
Jimmy, going on: “Is it the town where the helicopter pad was next to the taxi rank?”

Stephen mentions it’s self-harming.
Sue: “Oh, uh, amputee-wannabes…I think I’ve made that sound…disrespectful…”

Stephen: “After the Vietnam war, who was buried in the tomb of the unknown soldier?”
Sue: “We don’t know. All of them were anonymous, weren’t they?”
KLAXON
Jimmy: “The whole nature of this show, it’ll mean, the unknown solider, he wasn’t a soldier, they KNEW him, and he wasn’t dead!”
Sue: “The unknown soldier was actually buried in a chili pepper in Ghana.”
Jack: “Was he an unknown soldier while he was still alive? He kept turning up, no one seems to notice. “How you doing? [whispered] who is that? I dunno!”

For the ‘saved by the bell’ question, Jack, narrowly dodging a question, gets it right by saying it’s a boxing reference. Alan says “I thought it was a reference to being buried alive.” AND HE STILL GETS A KLAXON.
Jimmy: “HOW COULD YOU GET IT WRONG AFTER HE’S GOT IT RIGHT?? That’s EXTRAORDINARY!”
Stephen: “Only Alan!”
Jimmy: “You were LITERALLY saved by the bell. He buzzed in and got it right, and you couldn’t say your stupid thing, AND YOU WENT THERE ANYWAY!! YOU’RE AMAZING!”

Stephen: “What can you tell me about Mozart’s burial?”
Jimmy: “Did they play Angels by Robbie Williams?”
(Don’t tell Mark Lamarr)

Alan ties for first for the second episode in a row, with Jack. Jimmy comes in last.

Overall: A very nice episode with four people that definitely came to play. I like Sue, because she’s not the funniest person on the panel, but she’s an outstanding connector, and she’s great in terms of a group dynamic, which this show THRIVES on. Jimmy had the best nice, and the best lines. Jack, like usual, stuck to the outskirts but always came in with some nice lines. Him and Rich Hall probably get along well, as they have the same humor.

MVP: Jimmy
Best Guest: Sue
Show Winners: Jack and Alan
Best QI Fact: Vampire Squid
Best Runner: Sue= Mel.

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