Onto another Series 12 ep. Last episode brought out one first-gen big gun with Richard Fairbrass. Tonight’s has another big star from the first age of NMTB, Rick Wakeman.
Mike Read is a veteran radio personality and TV presenter. Dan Hipgrave is a member of Toploader, who’ve been mentioned on the program before but are now obscure enough to appear as panelists on it. Jessica Garlick is not, as previously thought, a well-known kitchen spice, but actually a Welsh pop singer, and a third-place finisher in the 2002 ESC.
Mike, on the Ash video, a shot of two women’s crotches: “You’re assuming it’s a woman.”
Phill: “Well the one behind does have a suspicious…I think it’s a case of the old ‘sluts with nuts’ there, Mark.”
Mark: “What, d’you think the one behind, that is actually one of his testicles pushed underneath?”
Dan: “No, that’s the lip-syncing being done…”
Mark: “Some of them have got the old ‘burn baby burn’ going there…”
After Mark has a joke, involving Jessica’s Mormon background, about the Salt Lake and its origin.
Rick: “Did you know, about sperm whales-”
Mark, trying to placate him: “YES!!!”
Rick: “Did you know that the sperm whale ejaculates 300,000 gallons of sperm, but only around 100,000 actually fertilizes the female. So that’s why the sea’s so salty.”
Mike: “Is that because you’ve got a Moby Dick?”
Mark: “Is it the forties?”
Rick, on Neil Young: “Was he a vegetarian? Cause he looks like one.”
Bill: “What, pasty?”
Rick: “No, bloody miserable…”
The running gag tonight is that Mark has started a fun to burn every Westlife album ever created. And throughout the show, they keep cutting back to a gigantic fire, with Mark saying “oh, yeah, it’s going very well…”
Mike: “GET TO THE CHORUS!”
Phill: “…Intros round, Mike…”
Rick, very confidently, after an intro: “You thought I didn’t know it, didn’t you?”
Mark: “It’s not ‘Old Shep'”
Jessica: “You said he’s from Sweden?”
Mark: “Yes, one of them in from Sweden.”
Jessica: “So which one of them LOOKS foreign?”
Jessica has to stop and face palm after that line, as does the rest of her panel.
Jessica: “Sorry, that sounded really off.”
Mark: “I don’t think so. That’s a smart way of finding out who someone really is…”
Phill, old-timey voice: “WHICH ONE OF THEM LOOKS LIKE JOHNNY FOREIGNER, SAYS EUROVISION’S JESSICA GARLICK?”
Mark: “She’s the head of the World Trade Center investigation squad….YOU’RE DOING ETHNIC PROFILE TO *HARPO*!”
Overall: Weak episode, but not without merit. This episode seemed to be a love-letter to Mike Read, and he seemed pretty happy about it, too. There some great Jessica and Rick moments, and Dan…didn’t do too much.
Best Regular: Mark
Best Guest: Rick
Best Runner: Westlife Record burning