Nevermind Watchdown: S12E4

I’ve heard this is a ton better than the last two, because, unlike the last two, funny stuff happens. Four newbies though, so we’ve got to pay attention.

Chas Smash is the guy who does that pseudo-jewish voice in Madness’ ONE STEP BEYOND, aside from being¬†trumpet player and one of the main figures in Madness. Gary Beadle was on Eastenders for a while. Kathryn Williams is a folk/indie-rock singer/songwriter. Scott Mills is a radio DJ.

On Kenny Rogers.
Kathryn: “I think he’s hot.”
Mark: “You think he’s HOT?”
Kathryn facepalms laughing.
Phill: “Hot cause he’s furry?”
Mark: “Like a womble?”

Phill: “This is actually a photo of Santa after Mrs. Claus has left him. Working the singles bar.”
Mark: “Is that her name? Is it Lucille Claus?? “You picked a fine time to leave me…Christmas Eve, ya bitch!”

Mark: “Macy Gray says she likes to spend her time practicing at a local firing range. Unfortunately she also practices singing, but fortunately everyone there’s got a gun, so…”

Gary seems to think that Phill’s first Intro is FREAKOUT, by Chic, and keeps insisting that even if they keep saying it isn’t. Gary, despite being slightly out of his element, seems to be having fun.

Mark mentions the Cheeky Girls, and Phill and Chas start mooning Gary.
Mark: “Not now…the widescreen arse of Jupitus.”
Phill, now mooning Mark: “Dolby 5.1 Surround”
Chas: “Plasma arse!”
Phill: “Plasma arse, the worst of Superman’s villains!”

Scott mentions one of the artists he plays: “You know them, don’t you Bill?”
Bill: “Naw, I don’t have electric in the cave…”
Mark: “Osama Bin Bailey!”

After Kathryn keeps making these weird screeching sounds during Intros:
Scott: “Is that an actual bird?”
Kathryn: “no, it’s an instrument, isn’t it?”
Mark: “Is it an instrument of torture?”

When the actual song plays, a very confused Scott waits for the crow noise to happen…and it doesn’t. Meanwhile Bill and Kathryn just stand there, shrugging, as the song plays on.
Phill, as they start their next one: “I can’t wait to hear what’s not in this one!”

Mark tries to do a devil horns sign at the end of a joke, but ends up doing a peace sign. He points this out to Chas, saying “I meant to do a Van Halen, I wound up doing a Churchill. ‘WE SHOULD ROCK THEM ON THE BEACHES…'”

Phill: “We think it’s #2.”
Mark: “Okay, well #2 JUST NODDED…so let’s see…”

Halfway through the repeat of the Flower video, Mark thinks he recognizes Gary. Sure enough, Gary looks and goes “OH MY GOD, IT IS ME!”, at a dancing black guy toward the back. He even looks a bit embarrassed.

Next Lines: “He sang every morning how lucky I am.”
Bill: “…with a little mouse with clogs on…”
Mark: “Are we doing rewind? You’re doing lines from earlier on in the song!”
Bill: “I was using the reverse-time-nexus method of answering the question…”

Mark: “A mulatto, an albino”
Bill: “A MOSQUITO, ABRABEEDOOO…”
Mark: “Nearly!”
Bill: “A RININNIIOOO!”
Mark: “Nearly! Cause you didn’t actually say anything the second word, did you…”
Bill: “A mosquito, A…COM..PUTER…”

Mark, after Bill’s atrocious Next Lines round: “Just when you seem to be getting the hang of things.”

Mark: “Trumpet sound and I hear thunder boom.”
Phill: “Uh…dogger, 115 falling…”
Mark: “WHERE DOES THE TRUMPET SOUND ON A SHIPPING FORECAST??”
Phill does an impression of a ship’s foghorn, which is like an “AHHH- HAAUUUUUUUGHHHH….”
Mark: “Right, that’s it. We’re stopping the round. Scott, could you sit where Phill is? Cause you seem to belong with them now, Phill.”

Mark: “His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.”
Phill, from the other side: “AAAH-HAAUUUUGHHHH…AHHH-HAUUUUGHHH…”

Scott, Chas and Gary end up losing, but Mark says it’s unfair cause that team has 2 team captains now, so he allows Chas and Scott to sit on Bill and Phill’s laps on the other team.

Overall: A fairly strong episode, owed mostly to the complete lack of sanity between Kathryn, Bill and Scott. Chas and Gary were great, and gave a lot of good material, but Kathryn was ridiculous, and worked well with Bill. The ending Next Lines round, with swapping panelists every five seconds, made it worthwhile.

Best Regular: Bill
Best Guest: Kathryn
Best Runner: Kathryn and Bill separated at birth.

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