Onto another Series 12 Buzzcocks. So far this series has been very low-key and quiet. I don’t think there have been any Grade A episodes so far, and if there have, youtube hasn’t allowed me to see any of them.
Tonight, we get four people I’ve never heard of. How fun.
Su-Elise Nash is a third of destiny’s child rip-off Mis-Teeq. Liz Bonnin presented Top of the Pops. DJ Sammy is a Spain-bred DJ and producer. Tom Rhodes is an American stand-up and TV star.
Su-Elise, on the auctioned sandwich: “Well, it’d just get moldy, wouldn’t it?”
Mark: “Yeah, I didn’t buy it…it’s not a show where I just show off stuff I’ve got…’One of them sold a sandwich…AND I’VE GOT IT!!”
Phill: “At the beginning of the Mariah video, she’s powdering her bosoms.”
Liz: “Looks like she’s searching for fingerprints or something…”
Phill: “If she’s powdering there, I’d HATE to think of where she’s putting the lipstick…”
Bill, on the Newton-John video: “This does look a bit like a porn video-”
Mark: ‘What, Musketeer Porn?”
Bill: “Yeah, one of the guys goes “I’ve come to fix the candlesticks.”
Mark: “Musketeer Porn would be probably be a gang-bang, right, cause it’d be all for one and one for all…”
They cut to a dog in the video
Tom: “This is clearly animal cruelty that this dog has to listen to this song…”
Bill: “He’s actually silently going “AAAAAAAAHHHHHH”
Sammy, trying to catch on: “The dog is there saying “NOBODY IS LEAVING THE PLACE.”
Sammy: “He’s saying, ‘guys, this is a low-budget video, please do your best-”
Mark: “IS HE THE DIRECTOR??”
Bill: “OKAY, FIRST POSITIONS…”
A shot in the Aerosmith video of a bearded bride and a groom.
Mark: “ZZ Top’s wedding video.”
Bill: “Oh, this takes me back…”
Tom: “You know what’d be a great wedding gift for these two is a beard trimmer.”
Bill: “If anyone knows of any lawful impediment that should prevent these two from-” “‘E’S A BLOKE! SHE’S MARRYING A BLOKE!”
Mark, not especially understanding: “It’s alright when a woman marries a bloke, Bill…”
Mark: ‘Sammy, do you know what it is?”
Sammy: “Roll out da barrel?”
Mark: “I’m gonna give him some fresh paper tonight…”
Sammy is literally having so much fun that anything he says is hysterical. One time, he literally just yells out “FLIP MOLE!”, which cracks up Mark and Bill. The rest of the show they keep referring to Sammy as their pet.
Mark, throughout the show, gets up and goes up to the camera, to give this show a more theatrical element. At one point, he walks over and goes “but I bet people at home are thinking “BUT MARK, WHAT ARE THE SCORES? WHAT ARE THE SCORES?”
Then, after a beat, his bravado weakens, he smirks, and goes “they’re written down over here, hang on…”
On the ID Parade member with a cropped-mohawk hairdo
Phill: “He’s holding his head very rigid. Is it a small mound of gun powder that we can light?”
Liz: “OH, COULD WE???”
Mark: “We’re not trying to find a witch!”
Liz: “#1 has a really cute face.”
Phill: “But not as cute as SSSSAAMMMMMYYYYYYY!”
Mark: “Wouldn’t it be great if spanish South Park has…SSSAAMMMMMMYYYYYY!!”
(and he just rolls forward in his swivel chair. I damn near lost it.)
Tom: “#2 has that pissed-off-musician look.”
Bill: “It’s true. I bought some skunk off him earlier on…”
Mark: “the thing is…when Bill says that, he probably means an animal…”
Mark, to Sammy: “What does Viva mean?”
Sammy: “It means…I dunno, ‘Viva'”
Mark: “HE’S NOT SPANISH AT ALL!”
Mark, Next Lines, as he’s basically giving it to Sammy’s team.
Mark: “Boom boom boom boom.”
Tom: “It’s Johnny Lee Hooker. I’m gonna get you right now.”
Mark: “Did you say “I’m gonna shoot you right down?”
Tom, getting it: “I DID INDEED, SIR!”
Mark: “AYAYAYAYAYAY LIKE YOU VERY MUCH.”
Sammy, not getting it: “I also like you very much.”
Overall: A much better show, especially thanks to a really well balanced panel, and a lot of great gags from Sammy. Liz and Su-Elise were alright, and Tom gave his fair share, but this was the Sammy show, and it was all about Mark and Bill fawning over him.
Best Regular: Mark
Best Guest: Sammy
Best Runner: Sammy the pet.