Nevermind Watchdown: S14E3 or Buzzcocks and its Nazi Japery

Series 14, two episodes in, already may be one of the funniest in the show’s history. And tonight, to help that, we’ve got another So-Solid Crew Member, Lisa Maffia, and another appearance from Dave “I do Johnny Vegas’ schtick, but funnier, and in a different accent” Johns.

David Grant was a member of Linx, and is a vocal coach. Mike Lewis is the bassist for Lostprophets.

Bill points out, in the Stones video, that there’s a guy sitting down with a glazed expression, and glazed tips, in the corner.
Dave: “He’s going “OOOOH YOU KNOW, I should get some frosted windows put in this toilet.”
David: “He’s sitting there thinking “…what about ‘Sting’ as a stage name…”

Bill: “That’s a can of Ronco Leach-Away.”
Dave: “Or else it’s a small German u-boat, and that’s the tip… “VE SEE DA MAN IN DE TOILET. FILL ZE TUBES.”

Phill, on R. Kelly and Blue’s lead singer: “So one of them pretended to be blind to win a talent contest. Or did they just pretend to be blind to win the sympathy of the audience?”
Mark: “Do you think…I’M THERE, when all these things happen?”
Mark: “Yeah, I went to school…with BLUE AND R. KELLY.”
Phill: “You don’t wanna be at school with R. Kelly my friend…”
Mark: “It’s not paedophile if you’re a kid yourself, is it?”
Phill: “I dunno…does it count?”
Mark: “Well then we’re all paedophiles…”
Phill: “ARE WE?”

Mark, with his rock-colored-glasses, tries to comprehend Lisa liking Blue.
Lisa: “I think they’re one of the best boy bands out there.”
Mark: “That’s like calling something the less-stinky poo…”

Mark, right before giving the intros to David and bill, says he had it stuck in his head, “I’m the Urban Spaceman”, and was about to sing it, but that might ruin the quiz. “Anyway, Dave, that’s your clue.”

Dave: “Come on, give us another…”
Dave: “…I know, but I want to GUESS it.”
Mark nods, and cracks up to himself.

I’m not writing every little argument down, but this episode is pretty golden, because there are a ton of Mark-Dave moments, and a ton of Mark-Bill moments, in between scenes. For Dave’s second intro, Dave knows the song but keep guessing the wrong part of the title, and Mark just keeps screwing with him.

Bill, under his breath: “She sells sanctuary…”
Mark: “It is, of course…could you say it out loud, for the show?”
Mark: “Well, not like a twat. The first time, it was sort of under your breath, and the second time, you did it like..”…SHE SELLS…[flair] SANCTUARY! Someone else do it, he can’t act.”
Dave: “i’ll do it. SHE SELLS SANK TREE.”
Mark: “well HOW WAS *THAT* better than him?”
Bill: “David, you have a go.”
Mark: “David, what’s the name of the song?”
David: “She sells sanctuary.”
Mark: “That’s exactly what we were looking for, it was at easy as that. YOU TWO, who CLAIM to be great actors…actually, Bill doesn’t, but he once passed for a human in a lift…”

Mark keeps screwing with Lisa as she’s waiting for Mike to guess the intro.
Mark: “*I HOST THE SHOW!!*”
Lisa: “YOU *SPLAIN* IT…you do.”
Mark: “You don’t scare me…Maffia.”
Mark then realizes the context of what he just said, and makes an expression of “wait a minute, that can’t be right…”

For Bill’s ID Parade, now the number of Pirates has DOUBLED. And the number of Athlestons have stayed the same.
#3, the Pirate, is ‘Dr. Look-shit.”
#4- “Doctor, I think we’re losing him.”
#5, Athelston: “Doctor, I’m sure we’ve lost him.”

Mark: “Now, David, d’you want any clues on this one?”
David: “That’d be nice.”
Mark: “Well…it ain’t number 2, 3 or 5. D’you know why?”
David: “Why?”
Mark: “One’s Athelston, he’s here every week. The other 2 are pirates.”

Dave: “#2 looks like a very camp pirate, doesn’t he? The pirate of camp men’s pants.”
Even #2 starts cracking up here.

David: “I thought they were members of Adam and the Ants, 2 and 3.”
Bill: “Dandy Highwaymen.”

Dave: “#1’s got this sort of relaxed look to him-”
Mark: “But he’s being protected by pirates. He’s in between Maffia and Pirates. There’s not a safer man in the world.”

Overall: Another really strong episode, thanks to Dave being himself, Lisa and David being a ton of fun, and Mark picking fights with just about everyone. A ton to love in this one, even if it was slightly a step down from the last 2.

Best Regular: Mark
Best Guest: Dave
Best Runner: Lisa’s death glare


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