Nevermind Watchdown: S14E5 or LIONEL’S JOKE GOES IN!

Onto Episode 5, featuring Lionel Blair, which can only be a good thing. Not only that, but Tommy Scott, lead singer of Space, an indie rock band I have indeed heard of, is on the program.

Gareth Jones is a huge-time presenter. Mikey Green sang with Popstars-ilk Phixx.

Mark, to Lionel: “Nine years ago, I don’t know if you remember. We danced together.”
Lionel: “Yes, of course. I was Fred Astaire, and you were Ginger.”
Mark: “I’m not quite sure that wasn’t just the way he looks at it…”

Bill mentions that he and Lionel were in a Limbo Dancing competition once. I believe Bill brought this one up in an episode of QI, too.

I’m not writing down all the ‘Alex is gay’ jokes, because not all of them are funny, but there are quite a few of them. At least Mark throws a Patrick Kielty joke in there too.

Mark: “Recently Garth Brooks started a foundation for underprivileged children called [dramatic pause and smirk] ‘The Touch-‘Em-All Foundation’. [The whole audience laughs]…I’m just saying. If this show’s repeated in ten years time, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.”

Because Lionel’s in the building, Intros round has been replaced with just Bill and Lionel (or whoever) miming the name of the song. Lionel gets in trouble right off the bat with ‘Illegal Alien’, because he thinks that ‘Illegal’ has 2 syllables. Mark has to stop him, and go “Lionel…that first word has three syllables.”

For ‘alien’, Bill just holds his fingers over his forehead (like an alien), as Lionel’s going “SOUNDS LIKE…”
Mark: “Sounds like Moose, apparently…”

In order to get Tommy the full title, Bill, Lionel and MARK ESPECIALLY just start doing even more over the top stuff. Bill stands on the desk and everything. Once he gets it, all three in unison yell “YES!!” It’s hysterical, the whole process.

Lionel: “Fourth word.”
Mark: “DON’T SAY ‘FOURTH WORD’, DO [symbol for four] THAT!”
Bill: “HEY!”
Tommy: “It mustn’t be a shit show. I’VE WATCHED THIS!”
Mark: “I can see why, in seven years, we’ve never tried this before.”

I’m not writing a ton in this episode, but that shouldn’t undermine it’s greatness. There’s a ton going on, especially in the Next Lines, with Mikey, and how competitive he gets (“SLOW DOWN”) Also, Lionel’s just having a hell of a time overall, and you can tell Mark loves having him on, sort of like the Jimmy Cliff episode.

Phill, after Lionel misses a cue, “He’s only doing the show because Mark promised to give him a kidney…”
Mark: “I meant a dinner…”

Mikey, after trying to flirt with the ID Parade members: “What’d you give ’em to make ’em look so unhappy?”
Mark: “We set Gaz there.”
Gareth: “She would eat you up and spit you out, Mikey…”
Mikey: “That’s what I’m hoping…”

Mark, after the real Angie Brown has been introduced, he sets her up with what she’s doing now, and instead of just saying ‘Angie Brown, ladies and gentlemen’, he goes “ANGIE….ANNNNNNJEEHH…WHERE DOES THIS LEEEEAD US FROM HEE-EEE-EE-EERRE…Brown, ladies and gentlemen.”
Angie of course smiles it off, having heard it a billion times before.

Oh dear god. So for Bill’s ID Parade, which is the lead singer/keyboard player for Ultrasound…only one of the people on the lineup is actually dressed like the keyboardist for Ultrasound. The other four, INCLUDING ATHELSTON, are dressed as pirates. This is getting so ridiculous now.

Of course, Mark goes “Is #1 ‘Tiny’ Wood? YES.” Which is either a pathetic way of giving Bill the answer or a sneaky double entendre.

Athelston is #3, ‘Cape of No Hope’, and he’s done so much with the ‘pirate’ thing that he’s even got a fake parrot around his neck, which Mark absolutely adores.

Mark: “I’ll give you a clue…#5’s been on before, and it’s very difficult to make him drop his sword.”

Bill: “Can we see the whole lot together? Yes, it’s Anne Widdicombe and crew.”

Lionel, after saying he’s played the Criminologist in the Rocky Horror Show: “I’m also gonna be in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I’ll be playing the Child Catcher, and I’ll be dressed up like Michael Jackson.”
Mark: “You know what? If you’ve seen that go on television, that means that I’ve won an arm-wrestle with out lawyers.”

Overall: Another really nice episode, and a slight improvement on Episode 4. Lionel was having the time of his life, Gaz and Mikey were ridiculous at points, and Tommy was giving some good responses. Solid panel, but this episode is mostly worth it for ID Parade, and a ton of the Lionel bits.

Best Regular: Mark
Best Guest: Lionel
Best Runner: Mark dancing while sitting down.

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