Nevermind Watchdown: S16E1 or Money Can’t Buy Me Guests

Right into Series 16 we go, and we’re in luck because this one’s a Dave Johns episode, as well as a Suzi Quattro episode. We’ve got some very cool familiar faces, guys that have done good work on the show before. Also, as it’s 2005, we’ve made it to the last year of Mark Lamarr, which is really sad, but he’s still killing it. Beverly Turner’s been on too, but I nearly forgot about that.

Hannah Lewis, the only other panelist, was in pop group, uh, Pop.

Bev, on Cher allegedly running naked across Tom Jones’ lawn: “I was gonna say, shouldn’t it be who HASN’T run naked over Cher’s lawn? Because she clearly hasn’t got one.”
Mark: “So you call it a LAWN, Beverly?”
Bev: “Well, I don’t call it- WELL…”
Mark: “Apparently.”
Bill: “You put the special crystals on it to keep the cats off.”

Hannah: “I can’t drink caffeine, because it makes me shake. So I just drink hot water.”
Dave: “She drinks it straight out the kettle.
Ah, good to have you back, Dave.

Dave: “This guy here has dipped his arms into a bucket of whitewash for no reason at all.”
Mark: “He’s gonna be chased by Pepe Le Pew in a minute…”

Dave: “I reckon it was Pete, because he’s wearing Doc Cotton’s glasses.”
Mark: “I’m gonna give you another bonus point for that. I didn’t know that. It was an interesting fact, despite being wrong.”
Dave: “Maybe it wasn’t him then…maybe it was Marty Pellow.”
Mark: “I love it when I give you time to think. ‘Well, who could it possibly have been?'”
Dave: “Well, there was only one left…”
Mark: “Was it Isembard Kingdom Brunel?”
One guy in the audience: “…EY!”
(The whole panel loses it at this)

Bill and Suzi’s first intro begins with a little drum hook, a ‘tink-te-tink” Mark, knowing his classic 60’s music, turns it into Unit 4+2, and goes “You, to me…are like the wind beneath my window…”
Beverly tells him to shut up, and he, defensively, goes “I’M SINGING!”
Halfway through he forgets the lyrics, and stops…pauses, and comes back with the chorus. I love it when he has this much fun.

After a Sting intro, Bev: “Not one of his good ones, though.”
Mark: “None of them are.”

Hannah, doing the Personal Jesus intro, wants to do the chorus. Mark, “as this is your first time”, allows her to, without any words. so…she does, and it doesn’t bring Dave any closer.

Hannah whispers something over to Dave.
Dave: “She just said ‘Marilyn Manson just covered it’ WHO’S HE??”

Phill, after the intro is played: “Marilyn Manson did a cover of it.”
Dave: “They don’t let me listen to satanic music…”

Mark: “Should we have asked you something else?”
Dave: “You could have asked me something I would know…”
Mark: “PLEASE PLEASE ME, OH YEAH, LIKE I-”
Dave: “yeah, I know this one…”
Mark: “Yeah, it’s please please me. Apparently, money can’t buy me guests.”
Dave laughs for a good 10 seconds after this, cackling and leaning back. It even cracked Mark up.

Suzi, ID Parade: “Was he a good looking guy, this one?”
Mark: “Yes, but  the phrase, ‘is’ would be a lot nicer…”
Suzi: “Well, is…uh…yes…”
Mark: “Yes, but then he was very badly burnt in an industrial tanker accident! Due to massive reconstructive surgery, one of them is him now! But he’s now a shadow of what he was.”

Suzi: “The cutest one is #2”
#2 raises an eyebrow.
Mark( to #2): “Yeah, like you’ve got a chance, mate…sorry, I was looking the wrong way (to Suzi) YEAH, LIKE YOU’VE…”

Bev: “Four has the look of…loss, in his eyes-”
Mark, pointing to himself: “HEY, LOOK *HERE!*”

After a few seconds of jokes
Phill: “What do you think, H?”
Hannah: “Well, I actually know the answer, so-”
Mark, angrily getting up: “SO WHY DON’T YOU TELL US???”

Two next lines in a row, Suzi gets the right lyrics, but Bill costs the team a point for saying the same line, just louder and in a different voice.

Mark: “Phill’s team, you need 8 points to win. Dave? I’d shut up.”

Overall: Great episode. I didn’t right everything down, but Dave and Mark’s rapport was at an all-time high tonight, especially during Intros. It helps that Dave’s humor is ridiculous and works so well with NMTB. Suzi and Bev were a great team with Bill, though a tad quieter than Phill’s. Hannah had enough wacky moments to at least be memorable, but this was very much a Dave episode.

Best Regular: Mark
Best Guest: Dave
Best Runner: Dave vs. Mark

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