Nevermind Watchdown: S16E2 or Peter, think of a number…

Once Simon Amstell gets here, there’s going to be a lot of instances where the host will use the program to take down a pop star that is too stupid, annoying, or obnoxious for their own good, and just butcher them whenever they can. Simon would make this his trademark, yet Mark didn’t get enough time to do it, with some exceptions (Darius included)

Tonight…Dom Masters from The Others is on. And Mark’s gonna slaughter him.

Roni Size is a drum/bass EDM guy. Keedie is a solo pop singer. Ewen Macintosh was a cast member on the uK version of the Office, which is nice.

On the shot of David Lee Roth raising an arm on a mountain
Roni: “This guy’s hailing a taxi…”
Phill: “Never gonna get one there, is he?”

Dom’s monotone is a much quieter mumble, which Mark has problems with. He just mimes attaching a gigantic hearing aid every time he starts talking.

Okay, this is great. Mark calls Peter Andre “the most unwelcome comeback since Jimi Hendrix’ vomit.”

I’m also going to have a hard time watching this Peter Andre bit without thinking of Greg Davies, in a high pitched voice, going “I TRAINS, I TOILETS, AND I CELEBRITIES!”

Ewen, after the 3 options: “Is there not a D- He forgot his brain? It was in a cereal box?”
Mark: “I’ll write it in, but it’s unlikely to be the right answer…”

Like with the David Bowie spit take, Bill overdubs the Peter Andre shrugs
Bill: “Peter…how many fingers am I holding up?” “Uhh…”
Keedie: “Peter, is it true that masturbating makes you stupid?”
Ewen: “Peter…think of a number…ANY NUMBER.”

Bill: “So he’s not that bright, we’ve established…”
Mark: “We’ve established that by talking over his video…”

Dominic, after missing a cue in Intros: “I’m trying my best to control my rhythm and my dings, you know.”
Mark: “Does he come in non-drowsy?”

Great moment. Mark’s doing a standup, and he’s interrupted by Dom coughing, so he proceeds to take the piss out of him. “What, the poster boy for consumption next to me. If anyone in your family is suffering from TB, send all proceeds to Nevermind the Buzzcocks…”

Second time around, Mark interrupts his own standup with a fake cough. “Doing it myself. Saved you a job, there.”

Dom: “Is it alright if I smoke?”
Mark: “No!”
Dom: “Not at all?”
Mark: “Once we finish this show, you can do whatever you want. I mean, I could go for heroin. A lot more than your body could possibly tolerate…”
Dom: “Awww, you wouldn’t want to tempt me into suicide, would you?”
Mark: “Not tempt, GOAD. Possibly, FORCE.”

He starts the joke a third time, and looks over at Dom just in case he’s gonna interrupt again. He just sits there, laughing. At least Dom’s taking these barbs in stride.

ID Parade intros are great. For ‘Real Good Time’, #2, a rather large woman, is “Chucking Out Time.” The audience takes 10 to recover. Mark eventually goes “I can’t follow that, I’m afraid…”

Roni: “#3’s definitely smiling in my direction…”

Mark precedes the Chickery Tip song, Son of My Father (which was used for Indescipherable Lyrics years ago), by saying “Oh, god I love this song.” Man, that’s awfully rare or Mark to say that

Next Lines: “Everybody wants to be a cat.”
Phill, cracking up: “Because the cat’s the only cat who knows where it’s at.”
Mark: “I’ll give you a bonus point if you can tell me the names of all the animators.”

Mark: “Ding dong bell, pussy’s in the well.”
All three turn to each other, doing a Peter Andre shrug.
Phill: “Pussycat going straight to hell? What, I don’t-”
Mark: “The hell is that, the RUN-DMC version?”

Great moment. Out of absolutely nowhere, on the ‘Little Johnny Flynn’, Mark goes straight into an absolutely perfect Johnny Vaughan impression. “So if YOU KNOW Little Johnny Flynn…” And he just nails all his little mannerisms. “Nice little London band. Squeeze, a cup of tea…and your mom.”

The exact next Next Line, Mark has a stunning realization, and goes “Oh, this is the perfect one for Vaughan-y.” He then squints, licks his lips, and, driving the impression further, goes “Who let the dogs out?”

Mark: “I believe my heart.”
Keedie: “It believes in you!”
Mark: “YES! You got your own song, well done…”

Mark: “Girlfriend in a Coma.”
Bill: “OHHHHH…Dear.”
Mark, to the camera: “Bill’s a very emotional man.”

Overall: Dare I say a step up from Ep. 1. It helped that Mark was taking the piss out of Dom the whole time, but the entire Next Lines round was wonderful, Ewen was outstanding during Intros, Keedie gave some good answers, and the Peter Andre jokes were plentiful. My only gripe is Roni didn’t do enough, but it was a pretty solid show nonetheless. Plus, even when Dom was being bashed, he still looked like he was having a great time, which can’t be said for some Prestons- I MEAN PEOPLE.

Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Ewen
Best Runner: Peter Andre shrug.


3 thoughts on “Nevermind Watchdown: S16E2 or Peter, think of a number…

  1. Mark: Uh, so there’s some scores and that, and as ever we finish the show… [to Phill] Do you think my heart’s gone out of this series?

    • Series 16: Mark doesn’t care anymore, but it’s fun, and there are great shows
      Series 17: Mark doesn’t care anymore, but it’s painful and lifeless (Xmas show and Nihal show notwithstanding)

      • It must also be noted that Mark was also the show’s producer from series 15-17.

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