Nevermind Watchdown: S16E7 or When I’m Near Lesbian Cowboys

I know it’s a couple more series until we get a Frankie Boyle appearance. Yeah, that’s kinda sad. Look, I’ll cheer you up. Here’s Jim Jeffries. He’s like Frankie Boyle, only he’s Australian, and actually tried to get an American audience.

Also, Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Chiefs is here, so there’s an alt-rock band i’ve heard of.

Otis Deley is an actor and TV presenter on CBBC. Keisha White is an R&B singer who was ‘set to take the R&B world by storm’ in 2005. Well, she hasn’t exactly.

Mark’s intro for the Blue clip: “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, some have greatness thrust upon them. However…Blue were born shit, Blue have achieved shitiness, and if I ever catch them near a port-a-loo, Blue will have shit thrust upon them.”

Ricky: “Anthony Costa looks like-”
Ricky: “Lee Ryan, Anthony Costa, Simon Webb-”
Mark: “No, that’s not their names. Lee from Blue, Anthony from Blue…”

On the shot of Lee crouching on a ledge over a busy highway:
Phill: “And now, Lee from Blue with the traffic report. How’s it looking, Lee?”

Mark: “So, how did Marilyn’s genitals get him into trouble with the Italian police? I know what happens now. I sit here and you say “was it something to do with his genitals and the  Italian police?” I look angry, give you no points, and we all go home.”
Bill: “OR……PLAN B!”

Keisha: “But apparently he’s supposed to be a really nice person.”
Mark: “Everything’s negative with you!”

Keisha: “He grew up in a Christian church or something, so-”
Bill: “Oh, so he’s a responsible Satanist.”

Otis isn’t getting the first intro
Mark: “If you want, Otis, I can give you a clue. Three of this band gave me thrush. It’s not true, it’s an urban myth, but it’s a good’un”
Otis: “FIXX!”
Mark: “You know what the awful thing is? I don’t know who Fixx are, and I think we’ve had some of them on. So it might be true. Are they a boy band?”
Otis: “Yes they are.”
Mark: “Alright, then I’ll go with it.”

Ricky, trying to give Otis another clue: “Fruit-based girl band!”
Otis and Mark, confused: “FRUIT BASED???”
Mark: “THE BANGLES! That’s the SPANGLES you’re thinking of! The BANGLES, how is that fruit-based?”
Ricky, cracking up: “don’t know…”
Mark: “That is a good urban myth. The bangles were made out of satsumas!”

Ricky, waving his arms before an intro: “A ONE AND A TWO AND A ONE TWO-”

Mark, to Otis: “You ever done a show with Girls Aloud and they’ve done that song Love Machine on it?”
Otis: “Yeah.”
Mark: “Think back…”

ID Parade:
Otis: “#5 looks kind of diva-esque.”
Phill: “Well, she does have her cowboy hat at a jaunty angle.”
Otis: “that’s what you call a gangster tilt.”
Phill: “IS IT??”
Mark: “Not on a cowboy. That’d be the gay cowboy, wouldn’t you think? People would be calling him Calamity Jane behind his back.”

Phill: “#5, you’re positive to the idea of the gay cowboy, Mark. I think #4 has the GAY cowboy hat on.”
(#4 is wearing a leopard print hat)

Otis: “I don’t think #4’s sung a note in her life.”
Mark: “OOOOOHHHH. But everyone’s sung a note. Are you saying #4 is mute??”

Mark: “They’re all lovely ladies. I hope all five, after the show, even if four’s never sung a note, I hope they all form a gay cowboy lesbian quintet.”
Phill: “The Five K.D. Langs”
Ricky: “And there’s five of us lads. We could take ’em out, romancing and dancing and all that-”
Phill: “What, Lesbian Cowboys??”
Mark: “You’re having the mute, then? That’s such a bad thing, and yet it’d be a DREAM for me. IN FACT, I’m gonna get on the internet after the show and look for a mute Lesbian Cowboy!”

In the real Carol’s description (still performing/writing etc.), Mark adds on “and now a lesbian cowboy”

Bill, with this ID Parade of younger guys, gets a sudden inspiration, and runs up to them saying “there’s something I’ve always wanted to do.”
He enters from the side, crosses in front of the lineup, and goes “looking to meet guys in your area?”

Next Lines:
Mark: “My heart goes boom-bang-a-bang, boom-bang-a-bang”
Phill: “When I’m near lesbian cowboys.”

Overall: Man, even better than the last few I’ve done in Series 16. It helped that the panel was super-strong, but also the regulars were in an amazing mood. Ricky was the strongest of the four, but all four gave some really good material, and were having a great time. Jim was slightly less funny than I thought he’d be, but still had some good lines. Phill’s panel did the most damage, I think

Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Ricky
Best Runner: Lesbian Cowboys


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