Well, for one last time under Mark Lamarr’s tenure, IIIITTTT’S CHRIIISTMAAAAASSS!
Tonight features Kate Garroway, Tony Christie and David Grant, all of whom have been on before, and all of whom were great panelists but were overshadowed by a true anchor. Also on the panel tonight is Aled Jones, a Welsh singer-turned-TV-presenter.
Mark’s intro for Ronan Keating: “The man who is to talent what elves are to the triple-jump.”
Kate: “I like him, he’s good boyyy…”
Mark: “But can he sing?”
Kate: “I DON’T KNOWWW…”
Mark: “There you go. David, can he sing?”
David: “People who like this kind of thing find it the kind of thing they like.”
Mark: “There you go.”
Early observation- Aled’s having a hell of a time, laughing at just about all of Mark’s lines.
Bill, to Aled: “You must have had a lot of that fake snow, then?”
Aled: “I’ve swallowed tons of it.”
Aled grimaces, as that line’s been taken way out of context.
Mark: “IT’S A PERFECT EXCUSE, KATE MOSS! YOU DIDN’T KNOW THE SEASON!”
Like the Coolio show, Intros will be done with various musical instruments. Unlike the Coolio show, I doubt anyone’s gonna fall into the box while showing Mark their ass.
Phill tries putting on the accordion, and struggles, yelling “JESUS” while accidentally setting off a note.
Mark: “That’s what he sounds like walking up the stairs…”
Aled talks about his Christmas single, Walking in the Air, how kids at school would dub in horrible lyrics that didn’t even rhyme. For Phill’s 2nd intro, which is Walking in the Air, Aled, once he realizes what it is, chimes in with the fakey lyrics.
Aled’s big instrument is a digeridoo, which Bill helps him play. Aled holds it high, and Bill looks into it: “Oh, bloody hell, it’s Aled Jones.”
Mark: “Is that how the Australian 007 starts??”
Bill, getting Aled to relax: “Happy thoughts…relaxing thoughts…I’M WALKING THROOOUGH THE AIIIR…”
Mark: “In a minute you’ll be walking through the exit…”
Bill and Aled’s round with the instruments is one of the most amusing things i’ve ever seen, because they manage to screw up every single one. It’s glorious, and can’t be described in words. Bill drops a triangle, and keeps blowing into the wrong ends of a bagpipe.
For the ID Parade, Phill’s team has to pick out a heavily-disguised Sheila Ferguson, which is a nice change of pace.However, Sheila is so under-disguised compared to the rest of the panel (including a head-and-rear horse costume) that it’s so obviously her. Mark even goes “how’ve you been, Sheila?”, and she has to fight saying it’s her.
Kate, stating the obvious: “But…uh…isn’t she black?”
Phill: “Wouldn’t it be terrible if it was the other 2 degrees in the horse?”
Phill: “I’m afraid to say her number, because she’s gonna go off like a fucking car alarm…”
Mark, getting out a bullhorn: ‘I’m ready, let’s drown ‘er out!”
Next Lines is performed by actual performing artists tonight, which is nice. Phill’s is a reggae band. Bill’s is a death metal band.
Right after the first death metal next line, which is Winter Wonderland, Bill’s team just stares in befuddled silence. Out of nowhere, Bill just starts singing Walking in the Air again.
Overall: A solid Christmas episode, but brought down by the general Series 17-ness of it all. Aled was a great sport, but the rest of the panel didn’t do a ton, though they were having a lot of fun.
Best Regular: Bill
Best Guest: Aled
Best Runner: Walking in the Air