Nevermind Watchdown: S18E3 or COME ON KAISER BITCH!

Another exciting one up on the slate. The guest host is someone we know is great on Buzzcocks, Ricky Wilson of the Kaiser Chiefs. Phill’s panel is populated by a hero of the early Mark era, Jeff Green, of ‘sweet Roland falls in brie’ fame, and a recent favorite, good old Bez.

Ryan Jarman sang lead for The Cribs. Colin Murray’s a Radio 1 DJ emphasizing in sport.

Early impression- Ricky’s just really excited to be back, and even if his autocue-reading isn’t amazing, he’s got a ton of energy. Plus, Ryan’s a friend of his, so he pumps him up.

Bill, trying to comprehend the third option: “Trademark…ostrich feather…cloak?”
Ricky: “Don’t laugh, we’ve all got one…”

Phill: “Should we go with the drummer breaking his wrist, Bez?”
Bez: “…..naw, it sounds too obvious…”

Bill, to Ricky: “It’s funny, the last time I saw you, you were shitfaced. You came into Heathrow Airport “HEY HOWS’ GOIN..AHM RICKKY WILS’N DA KIEEZZ CHIEFFHS…”
Ricky: “…I LUH YOU”
Bill: “I LOVE YOU, BILL!”
Ricky: “Actually, I thought you were Hulk Hogan”

So Bez is even more strung out that usual tonight, making me think that he got severely inebriated before the show. It’s even funnier watching Phill and him do Jump Around by Kris Kross, him lackadaisically doing the scream a bit late while Phill does the rest.

Ryan, guessing the intro: “It’s not me mate Bob Geldof, is it?”
Bill: ‘YOUR MATE? How do you know Sir Bob?”
Ryan: “Well…I think he knows me, so….and you don’t wanna know how…”
Bill: “OHHHHHH I THINK WE DO!”
Colin: “We gotta hear this…”
Ryan: “If there’s any legal implications from this….I invented Live 8, by the way…”

Ryan fails to get Family Affair by Mary J Blige, to which Ricky responds ‘yeah, but that’s a tough one. I wouldn’t have gotten that one. Would any of you [Phill’s panel] had gotten that?”
Jeff: “I knew it!”

Ryan has a whole story about sending Bob Geldof a text saying ‘three words, lad. Live Aid 2.’, and then Live 8 coming out months later, and taking credit for it.
Even after the next round, Colin turns to Ryan and goes “Do you REALLY think you were responsible for Live 8? I can’t get it out of my head!”

Colin’s talking to Ricky about Live 8: “After you went on, it got to shit. Stevie Wonder came on, and he’d put on loads of weight, and he looked like how Homer Simpson looked when he put on loads of weight.”
Ricky: “Yeah, that was bad. Yeah, sorry Stevie…if you’re watching”
He immediately cringes, and the whole place blows up. He knows it’s a terrible, stupid joke, but he goes with it anyway.

Ricky: “You guys wanna hear the scores? Bill’s team has 12 points……anyway, onto ID Parade.”

Ricky has some good ID Parade names for Single Bed.
#2- Wet the bed.
#4, a very old guy- Death bed. He even gives the guy a look, as if to say ‘yeah, but I’m right you know…”

Phill: “Jeff, you remember the band.”
Jeff: “I remember the band.”
Phill: “But do you want to ruin our perfect zero score, though?”
Jeff: “I don’t actually, there’s a certain beauty-”
Phill: “Okay, it’s #4.”

For next lines, Ricky gives the line from Crazy Frog
Colin: “Die ya cunt?”

The whole Next Lines with Phill is amazing, because they’re trying to stay at 0 the whole time, and Phill’s giving the most ridiculous answers to foul it up. One’s even a Kaiser Chiefs song, to which Ricky goes “we only have one album….we’re gonna do MORE, but…”

Ricky: “Take on me.”
Jeff: “Had a farm, EIEIO.”

Ricky: “I’m getting tired of this, should we let them talk for a bit?”
Phill: “I…DEMAND…QUIZ! COME ON KAISER BITCH!”

Ricky eventually gives Phill’s team one point for a melodic HAAAALEEEELUUUIIAAA for a next line.

Overall: Slow start but it definitely picked up thanks to a surprisingly wry panel. Ryan was the standout, being just unhinged enough to work, and Colin did warm up as the show went along, providing some great quotes. Jeff was his usual self, which always helps, but Bez was definitely off, and I presume some narcotics were involved, because Bez wasn’t this tuned out the last time he was on.

Thoughts on Simon: It’s obvious that he was having a blast, even if his auto cue reads were a little wooden, and he sort of digressed about himself a few times too many. He still managed to make some pretty off-color humor, which is a NMTB standard, and still come out unscathed. Plus, he had fun with the panel. Not as great as Simon, but still a fun one.

Guest Host Rating: 8/10
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Ryan
Best Runner: Ryan invented Live 8

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One thought on “Nevermind Watchdown: S18E3 or COME ON KAISER BITCH!

  1. One of Jeff Green’s last appearances on British television – he emigrated to Australia in 2007.

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