Nevermind Watchdown: S18E7, or DALE! JUGGLE THOSE CARDS, BITCH!

Onto our last guest-hosted episode until Simon leaves. Onto Dale Winton, a Radio DJ and television presenter who I’d describe as the Tom Bergeron of the UK. However, if he sucks tonight, he’ll be the Ryan Seacrest.

Dale, judging by the first few seconds on the program, is quite the character. Very gay, and not especially hiding it.

Suzi Quattro’s making another appearance, and she’s the only carry-over. Sally Lindsay was on Coronation Street forever. Ben Fogle is an adventurer-type TV presenter. Andy Fairweather Low’s a founding member of 60’s band Amen Corner

Sally: “Is it a rude answer?”
Dale: “Oh, I’d say”
Phill: “I’d bet you’d say a few things. Dale can say absolutely anything, and if he says it with the right inflection, it sounds filthy. What did you have for breakfast this morning? And use the voice.”
Dale: “What voice? COTTAGE CHEESE?”
Phill: “There you go!”

Sally, on the bit in the Scissor Sisters video where a big guy in a suit spanks a younger guy: “It should be some beautiful gorgeous supermodel slapping him, and it’s just a ropey old fat bloke in a suit.”
Phill, wearing a suit, dramatically turns to Sally.
Sally: “I’M SO SORRY…”
Phill: “A gig’s a gig…”

Phill, on Bill’s panel: “Can I just say, because I keep looking over there and squinting. It looks like I’m in a quiz with Lenin, Gandalf, and Prince William.”

After an intro from Andy
Phill: “Is it the people’s hymn of the soviet republic”
Cut back to Andy, who still looks like Lenin

Phill during the ID Parade is too funny to write down, because he’s just going one by one and screwing with all the ladies, back and forth. He keeps getting sillier and sillier.

#2 in Bill’s ID Parade, intro’d as ‘I am the Walrus’ is just Al the Pirate in a snazzier suit. Glad to see they’re still getting uses out of him.

Overall: A quieter end to the series. The panel was less together, though there were some nice moments from Suzi and Sally. Dale I’m not a huge fan of so his style of humor didn’t work for Buzzcocks, or me.

Guest Host ranking: 7/10
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Sally
Best Runner: Scissor sisters

Best Episode: Episode 2, featuring the premiere performance of Simon Amstell (and the reason why he got the gig in the end), Russell Howard and Simon giving Kenzie shit about his song about ‘anal in a truck’, and Nick Knowles taking the requisite amount of hits.
2nd Best Episode: Episode 3, featuring Ricky Wilson having an amazing time (and accidentally making fun of Stevie Wonder), and the immortal panel of Phill, Jeff Green and Bez going for an episode-long gutter ball.
Worst Episode: Episode 4. Not a whole lot going on, despite Lauren Laverne and Rhod Gilbert’s best efforts.
Best Regular: Phill, for having a number of strong episodes playing off the guest hosts.
Best Guest Host Performance: Simon Amstell, Episode 2. The man absolutely killed it, taking down Kenzie and Nick Knowles like it was his job…although in a year’s time, it would be.
2nd Best Guest Host Performance: Huey Morgan, Episode 6. Huey, with his honest enthusiasm and inability to hold back, gave one of the most natural, fun performances of the season. Phill looked like he was enjoying himself a ton with Huey on the host panel.
Worst Guest Host Performance: Dale Winton, Episode 7. He’s better suited for being on the panel, or…just Supermarket Sweep, I guess.
(To be fair, literally everyone but Dale and possibly Clarkson had a nice time presenting, so additional props to Jonathan Ross, Ricky Wilson and Lauren Laverne for also giving some stellar performances)
Best Comedian Panelist: Rhod Gilbert, Episode 4, for being on fire in his show and giving a depleted panel some life. Jeff Green, Jim Jeffries, Russell Howard and Alan Carr came close.
Best Musician Panelist: By a hair, Ryan Jarman (Episode 3) over Rick Wakeman (Episode 5). Ryan’s stuff was fresh, unhinged and legitimately hilarious. Antony Costa and Suzi Quatro come close.
Most Confused Panelist: Bez, Episode 3. But he was under the influence of some stuff, I think.
Most Annoying Panelist: By far Sheila Ferguson, Episode 6.
Best Dartboard: Kenzie, Episode 2, over Antony Costa (Episode 5). They’re both fantastic sports, but Kenzie was having more flung at him by Simon and still coming out on top.
Best Runner: Everybody thinks Jeremy Clarkson is really Jeremy Paxman, Episode 5. Though the ‘Phill’s team tries to get 0 overall’ one from Episode 3 is also a classic.


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