For the first time in a while, I actually know everyone who’s gonna be on tonight. Not all of them have been on the show, but still…
Steve Strange fronted Visage back in the 80’s. Jamelia’s an R&B singer-songwriter. They’ve both been on before. Lily Allen, who I’m kind of surprised that they actually got, is a singer-songwriter who was HUGE in 2006. Yay Buzzcocks. And Mark Watson’s a Cardiff comedian who was on Mock the Week a lot during the Frankie Boyle golden age. Hell, they even include some of his MTW bits in the intro clips, which has got to be a first.
Phill, examining the Zeta-Jones video: “In the background there’s some kind of ship’s wheel, so it actually looks like the Antiques Roadshow.”
Lily: “Especially that Michael…”
Phill: “‘How much is this worth…this something…'”
Lily, cracking up: “fucking millions!”
Phill: “So the GAME is…what have we pixelated-”
Lily: ‘I think it’s her morals.”
I did not expect to see her having this much fun.
Steve: “I think it’s her mirror image in a disco ball…”
Simon: “D’you know we’ve pixelated it??…”
Jamelia, on when she met Robbie Williams: “He was like, ‘oh, yeah, you’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met’, and I was like ‘..okay’. It wasn’t the most original thing.”
Bill: “So Robbie just went “You’re the most BEAUTIFUL woman in the world…okay, see ya’, No he turned to the next girl and went “NO, YOU…ARE THE MOST BEEEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORRRLLD..”
Mark: “You weren’t tempted to marry him, so you’d get a surname at last?”
Oh my gosh, Mark’s amazing…
After another reference to Jamelia calling Javine a slag, Simon: “If you don’t know the story, she went off with former Mys-Teeq member Alesha Dixon’s husband MC Harvey. So…we are starting a war with the So-Solid Crew here, I don’t know…there’s only five of them left, I think we can take them.”
Bill: “BUT SIMON! WE CAN’T TAKE ON DA CREEWW!!!”
Simon: “YEAH, WE CAN, BILL! What about it? What if Bill and I come over and sleep with YOUR wives?? Yeah! AND PHILL! He’s loaded and ready to go! Let’s go! I’M COMING OVER WITH MY SEX MEN!”
Bill, grabbing the little wings on his t-shirt: “I HAVE THE EARS OF DEATH!”
Simon: “AND I’VE GOT A PENIS! Phill, what have you got?”
Phill: “I’ve got 300 pounds…that you probably won’t be able to get out from underneath. So it’s not a shag, it’s more of a fight for survival, and YOU WILL!”
Bill, getting back to the round: “Jamelia, what do you reckon….SOME SLAGGG???”
Simon, reading a RHCP joke from the auto cue: “When Anthony Kiedis was a child, his father showed him how he’d grown one of his fingernails long, to use as a coke spoon, and another, short, to be a…pussy-friendly finger…”
He then just clenches up and winces, before going, to the audience, “Some things I’m unable to read…STEPHEN FRY wouldn’t read ‘Pussy-Friendly Finger’
Naw, he’d read something more scientifically accurate.
After a post-intros bit involving Jamelia doing some butt-shaking: “It was just..the tea that made me do all that…”
Simon: “Was it the same tea Amy Winehouse was drinking?”
Jamelia: “…it’s not that strong.”
Bill: “I think you mean wine-lake.”
Man, I know it was 2 episodes ago, but OUCH.
Overall: Picked up as it went along, but a bit lighter than last episode. True, all four were on tonight, with less of an emphasis on a characteristically moody Steve, but Jamelia and Lily were having a ton of fun, and Mark was cracking some great jokes.
Best Regular: Bill
Best Guest: Jamelia
Best Runner: Javine’s a Slag!