QI Watchdown: H4 (Humans)

Onto another QI, featuring four very dry people, that hopefully will work well off each other. Jo and Jimmy are making their first appearances this season, and Jack Dee is returning after batting down Phill and Ross a few episode ago.

Jo’s buzzer is a bubbling, croaking swamp noise. After a beat, she turns to Stephen and goes “I really DO go like that…”

Stephen: ‘Describe the perfect man.”
Jo: “A dead one.”
Stephen, faux-astonished: “JO BRAND!”

Stephen, going over the DaVinci proportions: “Your head is about an eighth of your body height”
Jo: “Your head’s about a quarter of your body height.”
Stephen: ‘IS IT??”
Jo: “Yeah, because your brain’s so massive…”

Stephen: ‘The fact is there are millions of them around Italy. Why is that?”
Jack: “Beermats”
Stephen: “NOT….BEERMATS…”

Stephen: “Well, people call him Leonardo, and Da Vinci is just the place he came from. Name some other painters like that…”
Jo: “Leonardo Da…Stratton….”
Stephen: “…not quite…”
Jack: “Rolf of Australia.”
Stephen: “…That is true. How can I take that away from you?”
Man, Jo and Jack are just having fun annoying Stephen tonight.

Stephen: “It’s like cooks. Delia. Nigella. Jamie.”
Alan: “Jamie….Da Essex.”
Stephen: “That’s the one!”

Stephen: “How would you spot a neanderthal on the bus?”
Jack: “If he comes and sits next to me…”
Jo: “He’s the one…already sitting next to me, because I’m married to him.”
Stephen: “Is this going to be the ‘humiliate my husband’ show?”
Jo: “Yeah, he doesn’t watch this, it’s alright…”
Stephen: “Oh, fine.”
Jimmy: “He doesn’t really understand it.”

I’m glad someone finally called Jo out about all the husband-bashing, even if that is her schtick.

Stephen: “Why would you need to take a fossil into a nightclub”
At this exact moment, a picture of Peter Stringfellow appears on the behind-screen. Jo has already buzzed in, sees this, and goes on anyway.
Jo: “If you were at Stringfellow’s, you wouldn’t need to…”

Stephen: “Which bit of you is evolving the quickest?”
Jo: “Is it my propeller?”
Stephen: “…did you say your propeller?”
Jo: “What, did you say ‘revolving’?”
Stephen: “No, EEEVOLVING!”
Man, this is also a great episode for Jimmy Carr’s laugh. He’s laughing more than he’s saying things tonight. The curmudgeons, Jo and Jack, are taking hold.

Jimmy: ‘There’s a thing that lives in the sea that has a sort of propeller-like mechanism, and it-”
Jo: “Is that a boat??”
Jo, somehow, is absolutely killing it tonight.

Jack’s talking about breeding long-necked people to have a ‘giraffe family’
Alan: “I saw a family fortunes once…”
Jimmy: “Here we go, back to my level…”
Alan: “The question was ‘Name a Bird with a Long Neck’. And the guy said Naomi Campbell…”
Stephen: “It’s like my favorite one on Weakest Link. They said ‘What are Chardonnay, Shiraz and Pinor Noir’, and he said ‘Footballer’s Wives!”
Alan: “My favorite one is ‘Name a Dangerous Race’. And the guy said The Arabs!”
(Stephen loses it here)
Alan: “I don’t know if they were hoping for ‘Grand Master’ or something…”

Stephen puts a picture of a little scrawny rodent on the behind screen.
Jimmy: “Oh my god, how did you get a picture of my scrotum? It’s got the teeth and everything.”

Jack tells a story involving a German man who posted on the internet that he wanted to eat a person, and someone responded. He does this whole story in these German accents, very similar.
Jimmy: “Did they get confused because they both sounded alike?”

Jimmy tells a similar story: “He had ‘im all tied up and he was going to eat him, and then he said ‘aw…I don’t really fancy it’…and they watched Ocean’s Twelve instead, and then he went home.”
Jack: “Yeah, I’ve seen Ocean’s Twelve. I’m not so sure that was a good deal.”
Alan: “Yeah, I’d rather be eaten.”

Stephen: “What is the point of teenagers?”
Jo: “Are they the only group that you’re legally allowed to punch?”

Stephen: “Who’s the fastest human runner of all time”
Jimmy: “I’m gonna go Usain Bolt”
KLAXON
Jimmy: “What, did you not see him on telly? The guy’s called BOLT for god’s sakes! What more could you need?”

Stephen puts up a picture of an Ancient Greek bath house. Jimmy, all of the sudden, spots something in the corner that looks very similar to someone being blown by another man.
Jimmy: “WHAT’S GOING ON OVER THERE??? IF I’M NOT MISTAKEN…and his Mrs. is just WATCHING! He’s probably showing HER how to do it…”

There’s a great moment where they’re asked what disease a mosquito gives you. They all just sort of look around for a few seconds, and Jo just sort of looks at Jack and goes “GO ON…” Jack has no choice but to buzz in with ‘malaria.’

You know this is a weird episode because Jo, not only does she win, but she didn’t get any Klaxons. That’s miraculous!

Overall: A lightweight show without any real highlights. The main gags tonight were beginning-of-question ones, and the conversations didn’t elicit a ton of good lines. Jimmy and Alan were quieter tonight, as Jack and Jo did most of the work, which is nice.

MVP: Jack
Best Guest: Jo
Show Winner: Jo
Best QI Fact: Blacklight fossils

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