Nevermind Watchdown S20E1, or BAILEY IN RED…

This is the last spring series NMTB would ever do, before going strictly October-to-Winter from then on. Thankfully, this series has one insane guest per episode, so I think we’ll be in good hands. For instance, tonight’s episode features the one and only ALAN DAVIES!!!

Chris Peck sang lead for Boy Kill Boy. Matt Baker’s a BBC presenter, who used to host Blue Peter. Nerina Pallot is a singer-songwriter.

Simon jokes that he nearly didn’t re-sign for another series, “but, eventually, my demands were met.” And then his chair rises mechanically, like a James Bond villain chair.

Simon, introing Nerina: “Nerina says that 30 is the new 21. Oh, Nerina. If only that were how the pop charts worked…”

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Chris, on Gwen Stefani above, “I still think she looks like Kiefer Sutherland from the Lost Boys. She’s got the whole of the Lost Boys around her, as well…”
Phill: “And Ronaldo, from Man United…”

Simon keeps arguing with Alan about standards, and Alan jokes that the questions are too easy.
Simon: “This show maybe isn’t so highbrow, but we like to say, ohh, ‘Robbie Williams is a tit!’ THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE LIKE!”
Alan: “He’s not a tit, he’s quite nice…”
Simon: “Robbie Williams?”
Alan: “Yeah.”
Simon: “Ohhhh, you lose a point!”

Simon: “Pink apparently got her name when she showed her friend her lady parts, to which she said ‘oh, it’s pink’. That’s also how Scary got her name. And Ginger.”
I’ll say this about Simon- at least he keeps the Spice Girls slams coming.

As one of Bill’s answers involves lewd behavior, Simon asks Matt: “Was there ever any lewd behavior on the set of Blue Peter?”
Bill: “Did it ever get BLUE Peter?”

Matt: “Yeah, Blue Peter always moves on with the times.”
Nerina: “Isn’t it [making] crack pipes, now?”
Phill: “This week, Konnie’s going to fashion a crude bong! Out of an orange and some straws!”
Bill: “We’ve, uh, hollowed out a tortoise…”

Simon: “Nerina toured with James Blunt, didn’t you? That must have been fun.”
Nerina: “It was an interesting experience, yeah.”
Simon: “Are you not gonna give us any anecdotes tonight?”
Bill: “When you say it was an interesting experience, is that a euphemism for ‘oh, it was horrible.'”
Simon: “Is that what you were thinking, Nerina?”
Nerina, genuine: “I’ve thought….some things.”

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Simon’s befuddled reaction

Nerina, then, ashamed, goes : “I thought I was going on Countdown!”
Bill: “Nerina, you can slag off anyone you’d like, anyone with impunity. I’ll start off. D’you here this, the other day on Loose Ends? Chris DeBurgh slagged me off. Ned, he goes ‘MMM, D’YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BILL BAILEY?” And he goes “YES. I’VE HEARD HE’S VERY UGLY. And he HASN’T GOT MUCH HAAAIIR…”
Phill: “Is that all that the troll had to work with? Chris DeBurgh, mono-browed freak monster”
Bill: “MONO-BROWED…NANNY-SHAGGIN’, TOSS-MONGER…who has INFLICTED his SENTIMENTAL MEWLINGS ON A RELUCTANT NATION….there you go, on you go.”
Nerina: “…I can’t follow that.”
Bill: “Sure you can. Say something about James Blunt.”
Alan, coaxing her: “What’s it rhyme with?”

Matt: “You know, I could give you another anecdote about ice and falling into it.”
Simon: “He’s got every anecdote under the sun…AND YOU SIT HERE WITH NOTHING, PALLOT!”

Alan, after the first intro: “When you see this on the telly, it’s a lot less frightening than it is here. When they’re looming over you doing that. I’ve never seen someone so desperate for me to know something…since me last show with Stephen Fry.”
Phill, doing his Stephen Fry impression: “OHHHH Come on, Alan, you know! OH, ALAN MY DARLING, tell me the answer!”

I think this is interesting- this is a different Alan than the one that was on back in Season One. This one knows who he is, and is a bit older.

Bill asks Matt if CityHospital is a real thing, or a soap opera. He explains it’s just people going round a hospital and interviewing patients. Bill gives him some crap for that.

Later, Phill screws with Bill by just singing “Bailey in Reeeeddd…’ as he’s trying to do an intro.
Simon: “Next on City Hospital…6 people stabbed by Bill Bailey…in a Chris DeBurgh related incident…”

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Phill, on the ID Parade of Mortys: “HALLO…AND WELCOME TO ALBANIAN GRAND PRIX. Number Four will be DRIVING TRAIN.”
Alan: “These are the five most bored looking men I’ve ever seen. They’ve been waiting at a bus stop for three years”

Chris: “Two’s got that narrow eyed stare about him.”
Phill: “He’s got that ‘kill the fat bloke’ stare…”

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The scariest looking ID Parade guy ever

Bill: “I saw this film called Wrong Turn, right…’We don’t get many drivers com in’ this way…'”
Simon goes to try and ‘normalize’ the guy, but just messes up his hair.

Nerina: “You’d appreciate this, but #2 is rather cute.”
Simon: “I WOULD appreciate that, BECAUSE I….AM A HOMOSEXUAL!”
Nerina: “No, I mean they won’t know that-”
Bill: ‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE WON’T KNOW? We don’t have to…go into the paddock to ride the horses!”

The panel decides on #2
Nerina: “He doesn’t look screwed-up enough, though…”
Matt, deadpan: “Shall we go for #5, then?”
CUT BACK TO 5, GLARING HORRIFYINGLY! My god, this is hysterical. He’s the new Athleston, I take it.

Simon: “Once upon a time I was falling in love”
Bill: “[cough] NOW I’M ONLY [cough] falling apart!”

Overall: Great show to bring us into S20. With the exception of a quieter Chris, the whole panel was on. Nerina got the most shit from Simon, but Alan had the funniest game, while Matt had some great lines, and seemed to have a ball. The running gags kept coming, and there was enough material to keep it fresh all the way through. Plus, the regulars seemed to be in position, and the feel was pretty relaxed and even.It’s a shame things are so quiet now, because I have a feeling the next episode’s going to be ruthless and insane.

Best Regular: Bill
Best Guest: Alan
Best Runner: Nerina’s lack of anecdotes, or Chris DeBurgh.

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One thought on “Nevermind Watchdown S20E1, or BAILEY IN RED…

  1. Simon: I should explain to home viewers, er, this show was recorded in November, and I’ve been assured that Nerina, by now, is famous…

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