FROM THE DEPTHS OF TIME, FROM WAY BACK IN THE LAMARR ERA…SERIES 12!
Somehow, I’ve uncovered a resource that can get me a few earlier-watchdown episodes, so that I don’t have a Watchdown that’s holier than swiss cheese. So, because I feel like it, I’m gonna write-up Episode 6 of Series 12, and refresh myself on the Mark Lamarr era before I need to watch another stilted Simon episode.
Tonight’s episode features Fearne Cotton- this much is absolutely certain. Dennis Locorriere (who’s a fellow New Jersey-ite) sang with country-rock (!?!?) group Dr. Hook in the 1970’s. Christian Livingstone’s a guitarist for the Datsuns. Sarah Whatmore ‘escaped from Pop Idol’, according to Mark.
Bill’s connected round concerns Toyah Wilcox and Rick Wakeman. I believe the answer is that both keep coming on Buzzcocks to annoy Mark.
Bill, on the shot of the Toyah video: “This, looks like a Hobbit picket line”
Dennis: “Is this a car park? She’s taken up two parking spaces alone with her hair…”
Mark: “I was hoping this would be the first week Bill wouldn’t resort to Lord of the Rings so early…”
Bill: “IT’S MY WORLD!”
Mark: “Bilbo Bailey!”
Phill: “Toyah’s actually- she’s a great, womanly symbol there, and I think she’s actually ovulating.”
Mark: “That would be Toyah spawn. She leaves it at the bottom of a lake until a male Toyah comes to inseminate it….I mean, she may be wanking a in pond for SOME reason…”
Bill, on the Wakeman clip: “This is a fantastic scene, where he’s on his email, he’s in a chatroom- My name is Tracy, I’m fourteen…and I live in a cave- OOOHH. Shouldn’t have given the address out…”
Mark: “Imagine turning up on a blind date, and THAT comes along…”
Phill: “Is he like one of those undocumented interviewees, going ‘yeah, I used to be a wizard, and uh…was working out alright for me, for a while…”
Mark: “The internet Wizard ring…”
Mark, getting a taste of Ronan Keating, introing him: “GOAT VOICED, WEASEL FACED, RONAN…BACK-OF-A-SPOON KEATING…”
Sarah, on Keating: “He’s a good songwriter.”
Mark: “Oh. Well, he’s kept that hidden…”
Phill: “He’s going ‘luv, wake up…i’ve lost me kestrel…”
(There’s the Phill Jupitus magic word)
Phill: “Are ya havin’ a dream? Here’s an imaginary cornetto…”
Fearne: “Doesn’t look too bothered, does she though?
Mark: “She’s dead! Why else would you be in bed with Ronan Keating?”
Phill, going back to his captions: “Smell me hand, love! What have I been doin’?”
Sarah: “He’s got to have tripped over something pretty big there, cause that’s a big fall…”
Mark: “His ego.”
Mark, after many Sophie Ellis-Bextor jokes: “God bless her, she just donated to an anti-fur campaign…cause the balls keep getting stuck in her throat…”
The whole panel breaks down
“#5…MIKE…omputer’s been impounded” just holds this insane stare for the longest time.
Mark: “We do ask the people in the lineup not to smile, but we never say you can’t empty your bag before you come up…”
Bill: “It’s…Gollum, dressed as a tout!”
Mark: “IS THAT THE ONLY REFERENCE YOU *HAVE*??”
Mark: “I like #5, I’m gonna adopt him! Can you adopt older people, is that legal?”
Christian: “I think it’s called kidnapping…”
Phill: “I’d love to see David Attenborough make a documentary about #4 and 5. ‘The anteater DISPLAYS for the female…in a boldly colored coat…”
Phill: “Is this how Bailey views the world at all times. A Kaleidoscope of crazy-colored individuals…”
Mark: “I don’t think one of them is the Lord of the Rings…”
Phill: “Can #4 get Coif Viagra?”
Mark: “It was erect before he saw you, Phill…”
Overall: Solid, if unspectacular. Most of the heavy lifting was done by the regulars, though the guests did have some good moments. Fearne did the most- she seems pretty at home here, and had nice rapport with Mark. Dennis was in a good mood, Sarah had some nice jokes. Not top to bottom amazing, but a nice one.
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Fearne
Best Runner: Lord of the Rings