Nevermind Watchdown: S18E1, or Bill and Ted’s Desperate Night Out

Welp. We’re finally into the Guest Host era of Buzzcocks in our ‘Search for the Lost Episodes’, and as we round the last two I find it kind of odd, the prospect of NMTB without Mark, seeing as he hosted half the series. So, going into the first of the Guest Hosted S18, it’s gotta feel odd, especially as Jonathan Ross, Mark’s main aggressor for the first 5 seasons of the program, is guest hosting tonight. He’s Jonathan Ross, he knows Buzzcocks, so I’m not especially worried.

Also on tonight is Alan Carr, someone…quite frankly that I’m surprised is on this program, as well as McFly’s Tom Fletcher, Teddy Mitchell of R&B duo the Mitchell Brothers, and GMTV presenter Fiona Phillips.

The program starts with a skit-fade-in, of Bill, Phill and Athelston performing in a pub somewhere, and it all going horribly, which…after Mark left, yeah, that makes sense.

Jonathan, who does look odd as the presenter, opens with “I’m Jonathan Ross, and now that I’ve presented this, I’ve completed the set.”
Oh, no. You’d do that once you’d present Penn and Teller, or, as he put it, ‘PIN UN TEWWAH.’

First second of the show
Jonathan: “Tom…sit up straight.”

Phill: “Would it be alright if, for the remainder of the round I call you J-Ro?”
Jonathan: “J-Ro, yeah…or J-WO, as I say it..”
I mean, at least he’s got a sense of humor about himself.

Jonathan actually has a nice dissertation on J-Lo’s ass: “I’ve actually been behind a ton of asses in canteens. One half of Feltz’ ass would make up all of J-Lo’s…”
Phill: “If she were moving backwards in a corridor situation, would she go “EHHHH…EHHHH…EHHH…EHHHHH…” (like a ‘backing up noise’)
Jonathan: “No, but that is the noise that Stephen Hawking makes when he laughs.”
Yeah, you can see why he and Mark were so friendly.

Tom: “I uh, touched J-Lo. Her arm.”
Phill: “Regardless of the restraining order?”
Tom: “It was at a party.”
Phill: “Ah, were McFly waiters?”

Jonathan, to Tom: “You’re young…you’re 20…you haven’t sampled all the fruits that life has had to offer….right Alan? BUT….”
Even Alan gets a kick out of him.

I think that, a program like QI or something doesn’t work for Jonathan because he’s very overwhelming and can take over a whole panel if he wants to, but hosting Buzzcocks, instead of being on the panel, works very well for him because it’s his ballgame, and he’s merely fitting into Mark’s shoes and filling all the holes he’d fill. It works because he’s talkative and gives everyone the floor, even if it occasionally interferes with the quiz.

Alan, on the blurred-out J-Lo video: “Is that what would happen if you had cataracts and looked at a pair of tits.”
His voice is Julian Clary’s with a spritz of Rik Mayall, and he’s very funny.

Jonathan: “In 2004, Jennifer Lopez released her own scent…but she blamed it on the dog.”
Jesus…

The other thing with Jonathan is he does a lot of digressing, and at 10 minutes in we’ve not even started Bill’s first question.

Phill, to Alan before Intros: “D’you know lots of music?”
Alan: “Not really, no…I’m sure I’ll be fine!”

Alan, after Phill and Tom’s first intro: “That sounded a bit Bowie, like dawww…dat-dat-da-dawww…”
Phill: “NUH-NUH-NUH-*NO*…”

Jonathan: “Bill and Teddy, here are yours for Fiona…”
Bill: “BILL AND TED??”
Jonathan: “Bill and Ted’s DESPERATE Night Out”

The beginning of Bill and Teddy’s first intro has some woodblock-esque clicking.
Fiona: “Sounds like Steptoe and Son…”

Bill and Teddy’s second one, which is Call Me by Blondie, Fiona thinks is Doctor Who, so Jonathan starts humming that theme tune over it. All the while Bill’s going “NO! NO!”
Fiona: “EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!”
Bill: “STOP. It’s NOT Dr. Who!”
Phill, FULL DALEK VOICE: ‘IIII LIIIIKED IT. PLAAAAAY IT AGAAAAIIIN.”
Jonathan, after a beat: “…are you touching him, Alan?”

Jonathan: “Snoop Dogg released his own version of the film Airplane last year, and hopes to do more with his kind of style. He’s currently working on screenplays for The Scarlet Pimp, Drive-by Miss Daisy, and, most controversially, Schnizzlers List.”
That last one cracks up the whole panel, including Jonathan.

Next Lines: “I’m here to win your heart and soul.”
Teddy: “…..now I quite prefer your hole?”

Screen Shot 2016-07-26 at 8.02.12 PM.png

‘…what the fuck did i get myself into???’

Jonathan: “Teddy, I’d release that on Valentine’s Day if I were you.”

Jonathan: “But I’m a creep.”
Bill: “….aaaahhhhhh.”
Jonathan, rephrasing: “….I’M A CREEP”
Bill: “AAAHHHHHHH!”

Jonathan: “Yes, Creep, Wadiohead!”
As the round buzzer goes off, Bill laughs to himself “…Wadiohead…”

Jonathan, to close out this show, goes “And honestly, I can say that presenting this show tonight has been a massive…favor. Goodnight.”
That’s an incredibly sweet thing to say, especially as a friend of Mark’s, even through all the shit he gave him back in the day.

Overall: A pretty solid show to start the season, bolstered by an incredible anchor in Jonathan, and some revitalized Bill and Phill performances. Everyone, save for Teddy regardless of his ‘hole’ line, was plugged in and in their element, with Tom putting up with Jonathan’s slams, Fiona having a good time, and Alan, obviously, having a lot of the best lines.

Thoughts on Jonathan: Jonathan knew the show, loved the show, and you could see that in his hosting gig. Even if he did get a bit to digressive, he sill kept the show rolling and kept people in the mood, very similar to how Mark would have wanted it.
Grade:

Guest Host Grade: 8/10
Best Regular: Bill
Best Guest: Alan
Best Runner: Jonathan’s ‘affliction’.

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