Nevermind Watchdown: S21E03

So the GOOD NEWS is Keith Chegwin is back, under the new era of Buzzcocks. The BAD NEWS, at least for Simon and coherency, is DAPPY from N-DUBZ is in the building. I just know he’s horrible, though I’m not exactly sure how.

Tahita Bulmer is a singer for the New Young Pony Club.Rich Fulcher is Noel Fielding’s sidekick on the Mighty Boosh and Adult Swim mumblecore repertory player.

Keith: “My last booking here was about 10 years ago, it’s good to be back. I feel like I’m doing the series now.”
Simon: “…you’re not.”

Simon explains that Lee Ryan from Blue pulled out at the last minute, and hints that Dappy was his replacement (though it was likely Chegwin or Rich).
Noel: ‘Why did he pull out?”
Simon: “The reason why Lee Ryan’s not here…is because he’s an awful bastard.”
Rich, sarcastic and deadpan: “Simon, don’t sugarcoat it, I wanna hear what’s on your mind…”

Noel takes his hat off to reveal some severe hat here. Dappy, in response, takes his off and he has a little pool of hair.
Simon: ‘…it’s Kenzie from the Blazin Squad!”

Keith: ‘I went to school with Phil Collins. He’s good, in’t he?”
Audience: “…..”
Noel: “You might as well have said Charles Manson…”

Dappy: “Willie’s looking at Jessica Simpson, like he’s saying “if I had you for 2 odd seconds I’d smash your backdoors in…”
Simon, playing dumb: “What do you mean by ‘smash your back doors in?'”
Dappy: “Alright. Where I’m come from, Camden town, WHO KNOWS CAMDEN TOWN? I CALL IT THE CAPITAL OF LONDON BECAUSE-”
Simon: “Please stop talking to them.”

Simon: “Just explain it, if you can.”
Dappy: “Can I say it? HER ARSE!”
Simon: “…he’s gonna smash her arse in? Why would he do that?”
Phill: “THAT’S WHERE THEY HIDE THE LADY TREASURE, SIMON!”

Rich, fully embracing his stoner persona: “I think Willie looks like that because he thinks Jessica looks LIKE A DOOBIE…AND HE WANTS TO SMOKE HER…”
Simon: “…Dappy’s really enjoying that.”

Noel: “The middle section of his jumper is made from Dappy’s hat…”
Dappy: “If the people who listen to my music were to hear you say that, they’d all be in there, thousands of them with hats on going ‘WHAT’D YOU SAY, MATE?'”
Simon: “Do all the people who listen to you music where those hats?”
Dappy: “A vast majority of them, yeah.”
Phill: “Because he’s MASSIVE in Austria. ‘YOU CANNOT BE SAYING ZAT ABOUT DAPPY…UND ZE N-DUBZ, ZEY AH OUR FAVORITE…DON’T DISS DAPPY HE MAKES US HAPPY…”

Chegwin gets his first intro, which is a pretty easy one (Love Cats by the Cure), and goes absolutely apeshit. He wasn’t expecting to get one, evidently.

Dappy is surprisingly good at the Intros round…but he ends up putting a full fledged beatbox into ‘Young Folks’ by Peter Bjorn and John…leaving Phill to just whistle on the side.

Next Lines: “There are 9 million bicycles in Beijing”
Phill, from across the studio: ‘BUT ONLY ONE PUMP.”

Simon: “Like, first thing’s first, you probably think I’m a chap with good manners.”
Phill: “…but I’m not, ya cunt.”

Overall: A lot I didn’t write down, from the ‘Double Points’ runner, to the running gag about Lee from Blue, to most of the Rock Reorder round which was ultra-physical. This was a pretty funny episode, with Chegwin having a ton of fun and Dappy surprisingly playing by the rules, despite being annoying. Rich’s stuff isn’t for everyone, but he was funny here, and Noel still held a nice ship on Bill’s seat.

Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Keith
Best Runner: Lee from Blue

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