(Grant Bowler voice) Three episodes remain in the show. Two of them feature challenges, and will do their best to make me like this season. But ONE OF THEM…IS THE FINALE. (DUN-DUN-DUN)
In all seriousness, while this hasn’t been a bad season, like US1, it focuses a lot on the mystery and not a lot on its characters. While people like Jan and Rocky have been fun, we don’t get a lot of time to see them out of character.
Still, Jan, Abby, Alan and Linda remain. I’ve got my suspicious and I’m torn between Abby and Alan over who is the mole. Jan could blow it this episode, but it’d be interesting to see Linda, who’s been on point from episode 1, lose her footing here.
GRANT BOWLER SUMS UP THIS SHOW IN ONE LINE: “…It’s Hobart…and it’s FIVE IN THE MORNING.”
Grant: “Who among you is most comfortable in the glamour world of photography?”
Jan: “Do you mean…taking…or BEING TAKEN…”
Abby decides she’s gonna do it, and she…well, she gets on a plane to Melbourne. PLOT TWIST, ABBY WINS…no, I wish.
Abby’s actual task is to find a celebrity and photograph them, with their permission. Now, will this be a celebrity I’ve HEARD OF…or someone that only Australian audiences will have known?
In order to win, this celebrity will have to be recognized and named by the other 3. Thank god Bev’s gone, or else they’d be calling him “this fellow…oh, you know, he was in that film with the chimpanzee…you know the one…”
Alan, Jan and Linda all choose sports, between archery, go-karting and lawn balls (?), and have to choose between three opponents, all three being experts in one of those fields. And they have to go against them and win, although just one win will garner a win for the team.
Of course, the three are following them, and they don’t know which is which.
Alan, to the competitors, bluntly: “What are you good at?”
Jan: “Saying nothing, apparently.”
There’s a nice bundle of clips involving Abby trying, and failing, to look for celebrities in Melbourne, eventually ending up at a tennis tournament, and nearly seducing a security guard. Thankfully, this guard laughs it off and winds up getting her to center court.
Alan’s first up, and he’s already really nice at go-karting. Lin, his opponent, is a little shakier on her practice round.
Jan has to go up against Cory in Archery. Cory’s practice shots are promising and close to the target. Jan’s go on the blue, and towards the dirt.
After Roger gives his bowles effort:
Linda: “I reckon you’ve done this before, eh, Roger?”
Trainer: “I tell you what, you both had steak for breakfast…”
Meanwhile, Abby does get a very nice shot of a celebrity…but she realizes she didn’t have her permission when she took it, so she has to get another one.
Alan’s initially doing pretty well on the go-karts, but Lynn overtakes him in an instant and he ends up spinning out, or getting himself stuck on the course.
Lynn eventually reveals that she is the go-karting champion, which actually relieves Alan a bit, because it would have been worse if he were beat by someone who was an amateur.
AS IF BY SHEER LUCK, Abby runs into James Herd, Jim Wilson and a slew of others sitting at a table in South Melbourne, and snaps their photos willingly.
Jan ends up losing hers as well, by 10 points thanks to some nice 8 pointers.
Linda, however, wins via pure luck, as a ricochet takes most of Roger’s out of the equation and sets hers closest, SOMEHOW reeling in a win.
Linda: “So you’ve gotta tell me what you do…”
Roger: “Well…I’m the archer.”
Linda eventually arrives at the bar with Alan and Jan, and initially plays it as cold, saying “I’d like to say [my day was] sensational…throwing balls was just a hoot…”
Alan reveals he’s lost his.
Linda, mocking: “GO KART RACING’S FUUUNN!”
Alan: “I’m gonna slap you in a second…”
Linda’s enthusiasm upon telling the others that she’s won is wonderful, and gives a ton of character stuff. “You guys owe me 5 grant, big time!”
Abby shows her photo, and within 2 seconds Linda tells them, point blank, that it’s James Herd from Essendon.
Grant, setting up the infamous roulette challenge: “Welcome to Roulette.”
This one’s a carry-over from US. They each grab an envelope and play a roulette wheel for tasks. Black is more attractive than red, according to Grant. They’re all sort of unsavory (acupuncture or piercing, hair dye or head shave, paint someone nude or be painted nude, ALL THREE). It’s a 3/4 challenge though, so 3 have to be completed.
Obviously they’re all horrified, and Jan sort of reluctantly has to go first. Jan gets the dye or shave envelope, and is already looking pretty uncomfortable. She thankfully lands on black, hair-dyed, and heaves this HUGE sigh of relief.
Abby gets the acupuncture or piercing card, which…to be honest is the easiest of the bunch. She also lands on black. Everybody’s coming out easy.
Linda takes one look at hers and just laughs out loud, nervously.
Grant: “May I see-”
Linda: “Grant…we leave now…”
Linda’s is the paint a nude/be painted nude one. Always a classic. Sad part is that means Alan gets the ‘all three’ one.
The moment it lands on red, Linda just has this deep heave and laughs even harder, leaving poor Grant to have to comfort her.
Grant: “It’s…in Salamanca square”
Linda: (still laughing)
Linda: “Okay…Salamanca markets, it’s not like that many people are there.”
Linda: “What, is that the biggest market in…”
Linda doubles over laughing again. You can tell this is killing her.
Jan’s new look is revealed, and it’s a very red, platinum red sort of thing, that she’s still having trouble believing.
For Alan’s mega-ultra-horrible-rolls, he has to paint a nude, have his hair dyed, and have an acupuncture session- all three easier rolls. So…Alan has a very easy go of it, which isn’t bad. I don’t think they’re gonna have any trouble with this task, as only Linda rolled a red.
MEANWHILE, BACK AT LINDA:
Linda: “I feel…absolutely SICK!”
Grant: “Do you like the look?”
Jan: “It washes out, so I’m told…”
Grant: “Oh, is that what they told you…”
As Linda arrives.
Grant: “Would you like a drink, Linda?”
Linda: “…I’d love a bottle of scotch now…”
The three women rejoice, having won the challenge, and the episode.
Jan: “All we need now is Alan to come in…”
AT THAT EXACT MOMENT…A BLONDE HAIRED ALAN, HOLDING A CRUDELY DRAWN PORTRAIT WALKS INTO THE ROOM. I am not making this up.
QUIZ TIME! At the same time, I’m figuring out who know the least AND who’d make a great finale. i’m pretty sure that Alan’s the mole, so it’ll probably be him. Linda had a fantastic episode, but I’m not sure if she’s gonna make it to the finale or not. Abby’s probably going on.
Who do I think is going home? Linda, sadly. Or Jan. I’m hoping for a Jan-Abby-Alan Final 3. That’d just be fun.
The Exemption Results:
JAN: GREEN. Even Jan is shocked. She’s made it to the finale. The kook bag has made it to the finale. Which means…now I want her to win.
ALAN: GREEN. Firstly, his new hair still cracks me up. Secondly, yeah, I didn’t think he was going home anyway.
LINDA: RED. Yepp…
This one saddens me, because Linda was a smart player who also became a very fun player over the course of the game, and it flat-out blows that she’s leaving before the end. It makes sense, as it’d be too obvious if she went all the way, but still sad.
Overall: Fantastic episode, which was not only high-tension but also a ton of fun, and gave us equal distribution on all of our really nice characters, and a fitting sendoff for Linda.
Best Gameplayer: Abby, for nailing her challenges and playing pretty damn well.
Best Character: Jan, especially on her reaction to the hair dye.
Who do I think is the mole? Alan. Definitely.