Nevermind Watchdown: S23E05, or You’re Getting Taller Every Minute

This season was going so well until Jack Whitehall showed up. Quick, we need someone legitimately funny who’s been known to rule this show in the past!

WONDERFUL! Frank Skinner’s here! That’ll make a nice enough show!

The panel doesn’t look too shabby either. Future 8 out of 10 standout Jon Richardson is here, alongside pop producer and remixer Calvin Harris, ubiquitous presenter Fearne Cotton, and rapper Tinchy Stryder

Already, just from Frank’s opening standup, he proves he can host a show, be funny and be fresh enough given the previous talent. 0/3 Whitehall.

Phill does a fantastic impression of Mika trying to round up a bunch of pigs, just as this incredibly gay guy running after pigs. The dynamic on Phill’s side is already nice, esp with Jon and Phill

Frank: “I had a friend once who had a fully-physical relationship with a donut.”
Phill: “I hesitate to ask, Frank, but ring or jam?”
Frank: “Well…for three weeks, it was ring…”
The audience takes 10 seconds to respond. Phill’s already gone- you can see he loves having Frank around. Fearne’s just trying to expunge it from her memory.

Noel: “You saw Bono once, right?”
Fearne: “Only in a magazine! No, I-”
Frank: “That’s not a very good anecdote, is it?”

Tinchy’s great. Noel and Fearne are talking about Bono and stuff, and Tinchy goes “I dunno how you’re talking about U2 when Shakira’s right there…”

Frank reports that Tinchy’s had so many knickers thrown at him during shows that, quoting him, “I could open a shop.”
Noel: “What’d you do with ’em, Tinchy?”
Tinchy, in his accent: “de knickaz?”
NoeL: “Yeah, d’you try any of ’em on?”

Tinchy: “I really think it’s U2, but I wanna pick Shakira.”
Noel: “…you ever played a quiz before?”

Frank, on Bono and the Edge writing songs for the Spiderman Musical: “Bono himself can relate to the story of Peter Parker: when he was younger, he was bitten by a radioactive twat.”
THAT is why I love Frank Skinner.

Jon says he loves Phill and Calvin’s intro, but he has no idea what instruments they were trying. So, Phill and Calvin do an INCREDIBLY SARCASTIC version, with Phill sarcastically strumming guitar notes, and Calvin slowly pounding on a keyboard.

After Frank brings up Tinchy’s height again.
Frank: “Is there such a thing as height-ist comedy? Like, if you were a registered dwarf we wouldn’t even mention it. It’s only because you’re borderline…”

Tinchy: “Shall I drum out on the table?”
Noel: “Tinchy, you can use anything you want. Use Frank’s face if you’d like.”
Screen Shot 2016-10-27 at 12.59.23 AM.png

Frank: “D’you want to use my face? You know, I never thought I’d be asking Tinchy Stryder that.”

Tinchy: “It’s alright, I’ll use this. Your face is alright.”
Frank: “I really appreciate that. You’re getting taller every minute.”

Noel: “Actually, first time I ever saw your name on a poster, I thought “Wow, Tinchy Stryder, what kind of super-powers does he got?”

On the accusation that Calvin only drinks Red Bull.
Phill: “He was hovering three feet above the ground earlier…before Tinchy pulled him down.”
Calvin: “He tried pulling’ me down, but he was only…”
Tinchy recoils into his hood.
Noel: “The thing is…someone calls you short, the best idea wouldn’t be to put your hood up, because then the whole hobbit thing comes up…”
(I also like the fact that Noel continues Bill’s trend of mentioning Lord of the Rings.)

Next Lines:
Frank: “Like a virgin.”
Jon: “Touched for the very first time.”
Frank: “Right, Madonna. Finished with my woman.”
Jon: “…touched for the very last time.”

Perhaps the greatest culmination of a gag in Buzzcocks history. Throughout all of Intros, all Jon is able to guess for songs is ‘Winds of Change’, by The Scorpions- as if it’s all he knows. And it’s always wrong, whenever he guesses.
So, in Next Lines, the very last one they give to Phill’s team is, in fact, a line from Winds of Change…AND JON GETS IT WRONG. He collapses in absolute defeat and everything.

Overall: Not perfect, but a nice show. kind of quiet considering the panel, but at least some nice moments came from Tinchy and Jon. Frank was a wonderful guest host, perhaps the best one so far, and he was great at keeping the game, and conversations, going, in the spirit of Mark Lamarr.

Guest Host Rating: 9/10. Frank should be commended.
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Jon
Best Runner: Winds of Change.


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