The unpleasantness train keeps on rolling in Series 24.
Not only is Terry Wogan (not necessarily a favorite of mine) the guest host this evening, but James Blunt, noted enemy of Simon Amstell and…most comedians really, is one of the panelists. So…hopefully it’ll be tolerable.
Already Terry’s in a sarcastically playful mood, saying he’s only here for ‘the most degenerate experience on television’. Again, he means well, so I just have problems with his lack of shutting up.
Rufus Hound is a comedian and TV personality. Imelda May was a young Irish singer “trying to repair the irreparable damage caused by Jedward”. Edith Bowman’s a Radio One DJ who was apparently on back in Series 9 (with Terry Hall), according to Terry ‘modeled herself after Tony Blackburn…and in the dark with the light behind her, she’s not unlike him…”
WOW. Uhhh…hello Barbara…
Terry’s autocue reading is, somehow for a veteran presenter, a bit too plummy, and he trips over his words, even calling Bono ‘Bonnie-O’. Though he does have a good line in calling the Jackson 5 “Michael, Tito, Marlon…and two others whose names escape me…”
Phill compares Bono to a Bond villain
Rufus: “He turns around in the chair “I’ve been expecting you.” “Well, I bloody hope so, Bono, I spent 60 quid a ticket for this…”
Terry: “Now, James…you’re a notorious playboy…”
James, confused: “This is a note from my mother…”
Terry: “What is your secret to success with women.”
James: “…I’m a lesbian.”
Wow, he’s actually really funny on this show so far. Maybe I misjudged him as a singer.
Rufus: “I’ve done quite a few panel shows with different sorts of hosts, and and normally when they have a go at you, you wanna fight back. But when Terry says anything I’m sitting here going “you’re right, Terry, I *AM* a twat…”
Noel has an anecdote about the time Bono rang him up, and he thought it was one of his mates so he completely blew off BONO.
Phill, trying to bring it back to the question: “Did he by any chance say “Noel, I’m writin’ a foreward to the Bible…”
Terry: “Little known fact, Bono actually appears in the famed painting of the Last Supper. He’s there, on the end…sitting on The Edge.”
Imelda talks about dueting with Lou Reed, and his gigantic golden microphone.
Rufus: “Wonder if C-3PO looks at Lou Reed with his golden microphone and says “…looks like he’s givin’ me a blowie…”
Terry: “D’you know I had no idea when I met you…the depths of your depravity?”Terry, to Imelda: “D’you have any tips, as an Irish woman, on getting on here [in England]”
Noel: “Yeah, cause you’re really struggling, Terry…”
Noel tries to get it back: “All I keep thinking about is Lou Reed singing into C-3PO’s penis…that’s all I can think of…”
Rufus: “R2 would be next to him going [approving noise]”
Phill, C3PO impression: “OH, MR. REED! YOU JUST KEEP ME HANGING ON!”
Rufus: “Of course, king of the robot blowies…Henry…”
Imelda, bluntly: “Do you live on your own?”
Terry, veering the show back on course: “ENOUGH OF THIS SOCIETY ENTERTAINMENT!”
(in response to this, Phill starts laughing for ten seconds, and this is peak level Jupitus giggling.)
Bottom line is by the 1/3 mark, everybody’s laughing and giggling, and Terry’s having a wonderful time. At least Noel and Phill had a ton of respect for him, and at least he’s owning up to that.
Terry: “I have a message from Linda, in Crane, asking if we’re gonna have another round….[looks around panicking] Are we?”
Phill completely bursts again. This is a Biggins-level laughing day for Phill
Rufus just raps and beats over Phill’s first intro, so he just stares him down, lunging at him for 30 seconds in a stare.
Phill: “Edith knows it so much she’s been dancing to it…I’ve got the military behind me now, and…”
James: “There’s a certain amount of pressure to get this right very soon.”
Rufus: “Come on, James, tell me he’s beautiful!”
For Phill and James’ 2nd intro, Baba O’Riley, James gets on Phill’s back (slapping his ass on the way), and proceeds to do the intro from there, occasionally slapping his ass for percussion, which is an amusing sight, as well as one that signifies that James is all in tonight.
Terry, giving a Mark-style joke with his ever-so-delicate read: “Pete Townshend suffers from tenetus, a annoying, monotonous buzzing that sounds as if it’s coming from the base of your skull. If you want to know what that sounds like, tune in to Chris Evans on Radio One…”
Edith’s not very good at intros. For her 2nd one, which is Ziggy Stardust, Noel and Imelda are just trapped doing the melody over and over because she doesn’t know the title. Meanwhile, PHILL’S ENTIRE PANEL joins in, doing the same melody, trying to help…FOLLOWED BY TERRY…and the AUDIENCE. This is pretty momentous, actually.
Rufus: “I’ll tell you something, Terry, they didn’t used to get audience participation when Amstell was in the chair…he HATED people…”
Terry: “…after this show, I’m not that keen on them myself…”
ID Parade is Eurovision-themed, and sadly this leads to another Garlicking, as Cheryl Baker, who was on the Eurovision special herself, is among the ID Parade. Sad, but knowing Terry he probably brought her along. Of course, Terry, over the course of introing the 5, basically says “oh no, it’s #2…”
Edith: “Oh, it’s #2, she’s laughing…”
Rufus: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘IT’S #2, SHE’S LAUGHING?’ What, you mean the one that looks EXACTLY LIKE CHERYL BAKER???”
Phill: “People who haven’t got HDTV are looking at the lineup thinking the Nolans are back together!”
Terry: “THEY ARE!!!”
Imelda: “I think it’s #2, they all look-”
Rufus, still outraged from across the studio: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU *THINK* IT’S #2?!?!? IT’S NUMBER TWO! THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE CHERYL BAKER, THAT *IN HIS INTRODUCTION*, TERRY SAID IT WAS!!!”
Terry: ‘ZIGGY PLAYED GUITAR!’
Edith: “Oh, not again…”
Edith: “It’d be brilliant if David Bowie presented Blankety Blank.”
Noel: “Not presented, just if he was on it. Nobody but Terry should present it…”
Phill: “ZIGGY PLAAAAYED…..blank.”
Terry: “You’re answering questions that I’ve not yet been asked.”
Noel, channeling David Bowie [going back to a joke about a bad interview Terry had with him]: “…it was a shit interview, Terry…afterwards you called me a prick!”
Terry signs off, knowing the show’s completely drained him, with “I used to be Terry Wogan. Goodnight.”
Overall: Completely outdid my expectations, and was not only a fun show but an extremely well-balanced one. Terry, though his delivery isn’t always my favorite, managed to keep the show going as well as keep everyone in a fantastic mood. James Blunt, even if he was a weeeee bit overshadowed, put in a pretty solid performance, and Edith and Imelda did a lot of good stuff with Noel. Rufus Hound gets a special mention for bringing up the energy and having the kind of lines a Mark-era panelist would kill for. Phill was giggly, Noel was in full connector mode, and the dynamic was just there.
Guest Host Rating: 9/10
Best Regular: Noel
Best Guest: Rufus
Best Runner: David Bowie interview.