After a few…horrifying but still worthwhile experiences, onto someone who can definitely host a killer panel show, and that’s David O’Doherty, tonight’s Guest Host. Even better, he’s presiding over people like Mel B, who hasn’t been on in quite a while, and dour comedian Joe Wilkinson. Also, Olly Murs is a pop singer, and Peter Jones is a businessman and one of the last remaining regulars on Dragon’s Den.
This is great- they set this episode up as having Shakira hosting, and have a very dramatic build, so that by the time they pull in and it’s just David, the applause is there but the tone is just ‘eh, this’ll have to do’. Of course, immediately he commands the stage, putting the audience on his side and saying ‘Let’s Nevermind These Buzzcocks!’
The first ‘Wanna be Starting Something’ round concerns the offstage antics of Buzzcocks Champion Dappy…which means we may find out why he’s not anymore after last season.
David, to Olly: “What do you do in the X Factor house, anyway?”
Olly: “Sleep, rehearse, look after the Jedward twins…”
This is great. As Peter’s on the show, David produces a white-board hat for them to bid on. Joe even says he’ll put 25K in if Peter does the other half. Peter just starts shifting around, not sure whether or not they’re serious, which cracks up Noel.
Peter talks about a band he pulled funding from because he didn’t like the name.
Noel: “I think I can come up with a better band name in 4 seconds.”
Noel: “The Mothpopes.”
Peter’s giving an answer to the Dappy question, speculating.
Olly: “I know what it is!”
Noel: “Shoosh! Now Peter…”
Peter: “What do they sing, anyway?”
Olly: “Number onnne…I don’t understaand…”
Noel, sarcastically: “I love that one…”
Olly: “Yeah, they’re really cool.”
Noel: “You must be out of your fucking mind…”
David: “Any feeling for N-Dubz over here?”
Mel: “I’ve no idea, and I don’t care.”
The audience: “EEYYY!”
Noel: “I think that he went on a roller coaster, the upside down one, he had loads of coins in his pocket, a pound coin fell out, and, uh, paralyzed the duck.”
David: “THAT IS THE CORRECT ANSW-no…”
David: “Olly seems to have some idea…”
David: “How did a portaloo get Bob Dylan in trouble?”
Phill: “He sounds like he’s in a porta-loo all the time. EEHHHHHH…UEEEGHHH…PHHHWOAAAR…”
Mel: “…hahahaha…oh, that’s funny…”
Phill points to her, as if to say “SEE?”
After Joe ponders if he’d want to photograph Bob Dylan’s poo
Olly: “Isn’t there a website called rate my poo dot com?”
Noel: “What, rape my poo?”
Olly: “Yeah, RAPE my poo, haha-”
Phill: “GET OFF THIS QUIZ! DIRTY BOY!”
David: “It seems strange that he has an outside toilet, but then Mel B’s from Leeds, and she was 32 before she had an indoor shit…”
Mel B: “WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?”
David: “I’m so sorry…LOOK, THESE ARE FOR SHAKIRA!”
Peter: “What’s beatboxing?”
Phill: “Don’t tell him, sell it to him!”
They make it completely like Dragon’s den, Noel sitting down, going “I’ll be Bannatyne, the grumpy Scottish one.”
David, trying to give Peter a clue for Scissor Sisters: “Two ladies, and…something they do.”
Mel: “OH MY GOD”
Noel: “…when they like each other.”
David: “What, it’s a good clue!”
Mel: “That is a REALLY good clue if you’re a lesbian.”
Noel: “You weren’t a lesbian in the Spice Girls, were you?”
Mel: “Maybe…little bit…”
Phill, Northern accent: “WHOSE TEEEURN IS IT TA BE A LESBIAN TUHDEEEA?”
After Phill’s 1st intro, Joe: “Is that good?”
David: “Yeah, that was a really good one.”
Joe: “ohhhh, shit…”
SO HANG ON A MINUTE…They did Manda Rin from Bis in the ID Parade two seasons ago, back when Simon was there! Of course, this was the episode where Russell Brand was there, and it probably hadn’t aired yet by this point, so I doubt many people cried foul back in the day, but…Manda Rin has BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE. I already know who it is.
Olly: “#4’s wearing a different colour dress, maybe it’s her…”
Noel: “…alright, Columbo…”
David asks Mel if she had a horrible job.
Mel: “I worked at Pizza Hut, but that was nice, they had good pizza…”
Noel: “Was that before or after you joined the Spice Girls?”
On the Iron Maiden ID Parade:
Phill: “I don’t think #4 was in Iron Maiden, I think he just came out of a defrosted iceberg.”
David: “What have I done for you?”
David: “No, slightly embarrassing. ‘To sex me up a lot’, Mel B and Missy Elliott.”
Mel: “…OH, FUCK!”
Overall: While this did have some nice moments, I felt like the gimmick sort of ruined it. Yes, the whole Shakira runner was great and the writers spent a ton of time with David on it, but it infringed too much onto the show and made the overall episode feel less fun, even with Mel, Olly and Joe having nice nights, as well as Noel being, as per usual this season, in peak form. David tried, but a little too hard at times, too, and I prefer him being a panelist.
Guest Host Rating: 8/10. The failed runner pushes this down a few pegs, sadly.
Best Regular: Noel
Best Guest: Mel
Best Runner: Shakira