There are five episodes left (ALREADY!) of Series 24 of Buzzcocks, and after a tumultuous and imperfect road, I can say I’m looking forward to all of them. This one, in fact, has the least amount of reasons to watch of all five, so we might as well get it out of the way.
The Guest Host, unlike *cough* LAST SHOW…is someone who’s perfectly capable of commanding an audience AND a panel show, and that’s Lee Mack. He’ll be great. Also on the panel is Jon “Winds of Change by the Scorpions” Richardson, and Irwin Sparkes, last on the program back in Series 21, on the Miquita Oliver show.
Andrew Stone was a reality star, on Pineapple Dance Studio (gee, wonder if he’s straight). Diana Vickers was a finalist on X-Factor.
Already, I’m impressed with Lee’s stage presence and autocue readings, although after an episode of Tim Westwood, literally anyone’s looks good.
Lee tells a story about working with horses, and how an erect horse penis smashed in a wing-mirror of a car.
Phill: “That’s a phone call to the insurance agency I’d have loved to see!”
Irwin: “We’ve gone from mums to horse cocks in, like, two minutes.”
Noel: “WE JUST GO STRAIGHT IN…”
Lee’s reading that Andrew’s danced with Kylie Minogue, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.
Lee: “But it’s not just women, is it? You’ve also danced with Tina Turner…”
Andrew says that Starman’s next album will be a Christmas release.
Noel: “Is there gonna be a snowman in the video?”
Andrew: “D’you wanna be in it?”
Noel: “I’ll be the snowman!”
Lee: “You’d be the most terrifying snowman in the world, Noel…”
Noel: “Just standing at the back, with an icy erection…”
Lee: ‘Did we get to an answer?”
Andrew: “Let’s go with A”
Noel: “WHOA WHOA WHOA WAIT A SECOND…I’m the captain here! Don’t get all DANCEY on my ass…”
Andrew: “If Madonna did do [the airplane safety instructions], what would she wear?”
Lee: “She’d have to wear the regulation uniform, otherwise she won’t be taken seriously…she’s not an idiot. People going ‘you better watch this!’ ‘Nah, it’s only Madonna, and she’s not in the regulation uniform…”
Jon: “I’ve got a pun that the audience could potentially hate…”
Lee: “Oh, shit pun comin’ up…”
Jon: “So if Madonna did do the announcement, d’you think she’d do it on EasyJet, or, like, uh Virgin?”
One of the options for the Rolling Stones is that before every gig the entire band and crew sit down together and watch Homes Under the Hammer.
Phill, doing his Keith impression: “That house is never worth that, NO WAY that house is worth that…Guy’s MENTAL…HAAAHHH…”
Lee hosting also works because he and Noel used to room together back in the day. Noel talks about Lee walking into a room with music playing, him saying ‘is this jazz’, and Noel saying ‘no, classical, Lee…”
Noel: “You heard a Spandau Ballet record and said ‘it’s not gonna get any better than this’..”
Lee, after an audible audience reaction: “‘s that funny to you?”
Andrew describes a triple threat as ‘someone who can sing, dance and act, and is comin’ for you.”
Lee: “I wouldn’t like to be in a fight with one. ‘D’you wanna fight with me? Fight with my mate Andrew. ‘I CAN THING, I CAN DANCE, AND I CAN ACT!’ I think ‘I’m coming for you’ is the biggest threat.”
Andrew: “…or over you…”
The audience groans at this one.
Lee: “You’ve let yourself down, you’ve let the audience down, you’ve let Noel’s mum down…Though I’ve let Noel’s mum down a few times.”
Lee: “I’M SORRY. I’M SO SORRY, MRS. FIELDING!”
Noel: “MY MOM’S *IN*! THAT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY!”
Lee: “I KNOW SHE’S IN, THAT’S WHY I’M SAYING IT! Is yer dad in?”
Noel: “Yeah, he’s next to her!”
Lee: “He’s gonna be coming at me singing, dancing and acting after the show… ‘WHAT DID YA SAY ABOUT MYYYYY WIIIIIIFEEE…”
I know that Jedward already have the ‘Most Annoying’ slot all wrapped up, but Andrew’s intro for ‘Gimme Gimme Gimme’ by ABBA may be one of the most annoying things i’ve ever heard. Even Noel’s cracking up.
Diana, getting up for Intros: “I’m very excited…”
Lee: “What, about standing? ‘Ah’m a simple Northern girl with simple wishes. Ah wish ah could go ta London and STANNND.’ Well, tonight, your dream’s come true!”
Phill’s 2nd Intro is a sort of descending ‘Doo-doo-doo-doo’, so Lee chimes in with ‘BATMAAAAN’ the second he can.
Phill: “You gonna do that again?”
Lee: “Listen, as the referee- when he does that…DON’T DO IT AGAIN. THE SAME APPLIES TO YOU, AUDIENCE.”
Phill, continuing: “doodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoo-”
LEE AND THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE: “BATMAAAAAN!”
Lee: “I’m so sorry…that’s definitely it, now. If I did it again now, it’d be childish. I’m not an idiot. You get a laugh twice, but three times would be pushing it…”
The third time, Phill does his first bit, looks over at Lee, and the entire room is silent. Lee shrugs- he’s not doing it. The silence looms.
Right as Phill’s about to get back into it, ONE LONE BLOKE FROM THE AUDIENCE JUST GOES “……batmaaan!”
I completely lost it at that, and Lee came pretty close to breaking as well.
Lee, to Phill: “That’s your fault for pausing, then…”
Noel: “Lee, that was my fault, I put the Riddler on the guest list…”
Jon: “Blur with…Country House?”
Lee: “AH, SO CLOSE! It’s Blur with ‘Batman!'”
I don’t like making comments for this, but the original intro-clip for Noel’s ID Parade guy, the Irish indie guitarist, looks like Stuart from MadTV.
This is another one of those occasions where, for Dawn Penn, Phill knows exactly who it is and won’t take anyone else’s word for an answer.
Lee: “Diana, what do you think-”
Phill: “Don’t ask Diana, she doesn’t know. IT’S #2.”
After Phill’s WILLED THE TEAM to pick 2
Lee: “More than any other show I’ve ever watched in the history of british television, do I want this to be wrong.”
Overall: Now this series is back into the swing of things, because that was a pretty great one. Lee Mack was probably the best Guest Host we’ve had all season, even better than Terry Wogan, and he kept the game structured and clean, while also being very high-energy and funny. I will say that because Lee was pretty powerful, the panel was lighter, but Andrew had the best stuff, followed by Jon and Irwin. Diana was good for Lee screwing with her, but didn’t do a lot herself. Just a very, very funny show, and probably one of the funniest ones of the series so far.
Guest Host Rating: 10/10. Absolutely phenomenal, Lee.
Best Regular: Noel
Best Guest: Andrew
Best Runner: Noel’s mom.