Nevermind Watchdown: S24E09, or Somebody Stop This Before I Cut My Penis Off AND EAT IT!

Bit of an interesting show tonight. Vic Reeves is back on the panel, after a few years’ absence, and hopefully he’ll be fantastic as usual. Nick Grimshaw was last here when Vic’s other half, Bob Mortimer, was here, so he’s getting the other half tonight. Also here are former Pussycat Doll Kimberly Wyatt and Theo Hutchcraft of ‘synth-pop duo Hurts’. The Guest Host is…1990’s Breakout Actress Juliette Lewis, for some reason.

So far Juliette’s auto-cue reading is alright, and she’s doing her best with what the writers have given her, but it’s coming off slightly awkward so far. Hopefully she’ll get loose over the next 30.

Even after reading off something from the prompter she doesn’t completely get, Juliette goes: “I’m sorry, I’m merely the puppeteer…oh, no, I’m the puppet.”
Vic: “You are the puppeteer, AND WE ARE MERELY YOUR PUPPETS.”
Juliette: “…okay, I’ll try to think that way…”

I think the best way of breaking in a clearly-in-over-her-head Juliette Lewis was having her try and decipher some of the most outlandish, surreal concepts that Noel and Vic start the Elton John round in coming up with. They keep cutting back to her, trying to grasp the concepts, but it’s Noel Fielding AND Vic Reeves. Not even most BRITS can translate them.

Yeah, Juliette’s a mess. The whole team’s split on whether it’s A, B or C, and Juliette just gives the point to Vic for getting it instead of making them decide. Her hosting skills aren’t great so far.

Juliette, to Theo: “How did you guys GET Kylie, because she’s incredible..”
Phill: “She’s tiny, they put a glass over her…then got a postcard…”

Juliette reveals that the coolest person she’s ever dueted with was Lemmy from Motorhead, when she sand backup on ‘Killed by Death'”
Phill: “And the wart? Real, or is it play-doh?”
Noel: “No, that’s Kylie, crouching…”
(Jupitus giggling…)

Phill, knowing that it broke her last time, commands his team to do a similar A-B-C stalemate.
Juliette, looking around: “Is there a commander of this ship?”
Noel and Vic: “IT’S YOU!!!”

Juliette: “That dog [of Mariah’s] is so pampered. I feel bad for the guy that has to come in and lick its balls…”
Noel: “That was me!”

Noel and Kim do a really nice version of London Calling, which Vic can’t seem to get.
Juliette: “It’s a little fast- it’s like the normal song, if it was on, like, crystal meth. I dunno, d’you guys have that out here?”
(The audience is baffled by this)
Vic: “I DUNNO…”
Noel: “We’re phasing it out…”

Phill, on Vic’s fake teeth: “It’s like a timelord dating site- “LOOKING FOR SINGLES FROM THE 1930’S?”

Screen Shot 2016-12-02 at 1.48.12 AM.png

Absolutely priceless

Theo: “Freshly off the register, Harold is looking for a new soulmate…”

Screen Shot 2016-12-02 at 1.49.16 AM.png

dear god, Vic, I’m dying here…

Noel and Kim’s 2nd intro is just this wild, out-of-control one that has lots of sounds in it, and Vic has no idea about. Noel, even part of it, goes “Somebody stop this before I cut my penis off AND EAT IT!”

Juliette: “I’ll give you a clue- it’s a female singer, and she’s a badass.”

The drummer from Kid Creole and the Coconuts (great get, BTW), is in Noel’s ID Parade, and Vic talks about seeing them in a tentground and stealing his bongos, all while #2, the guy, is staring him down, probably in retribution.

Theo, on his ID Parade: “It’s like a meeting of dinner ladies.”
Audible OOOOHHHH Audience Reaction
Theo, backtracking: “WHICH IS A NICE THING…CAUSE ONE OF YOU ISN’T. We’re gonna pick the one that’s not.”
Theo: “But one of them’s been staring at me so bad-”

Screen Shot 2016-12-02 at 2.03.49 AM.png

We’ve actually seen #2 before, back when she grappled with Bill Bailey, but she’s taken the same approach at just hatefully staring out Theo, which is making him uncomfortable.

After Juliette has another miscue
Nick: “You’d be perfect for Children in Need, y’now…”
Juliette: “I do get that this show is like the blind leading the blind…”
Vic: “It looks like it, dunnit?”

Great moment- Juliette gives Noel’s team a next line for Dizzy- Vic just comes up with some random gibberish while Noel gives the actual line.

Noel: “I think you’re doing really well…”
Juliette: “Thank you, Noel.”
Vic: “I’m quite liking your performance-”
Juliette: “OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT? This just went from encouraging to creepy…”

Juliette: “He’s got a story to tell, and it won’t take long.”
Phill: “Show me on the puppet what he did wrong.”

Juliette’s signoff line sums up the whole show: “This has been Nevermind the Buzzcocks. What the fuck did I just do? GOODNIGHT!”

Overall: A very strange show. Juliette was, obviously, the wrong fit for this show. The panel knew it. The audience knew it. Juliette Lewis knew it. But damn if she didn’t give it her fucking all. She was disorganized, and she was a bit boozy, but she did her best, and she was certainly likable and funny, though not always intentionally. Luckily, the panel saved this show from being immediately written off as a failure- Vic Reeves was on a career high, false teeth and all. Nick Grimshaw and Theo Hutchcraft gave some really funny lines and moments. There was enough happening in this show to keep the ship from sinking when it had every reason to. Not a bad show, but it came very close.

Guest Host Rating: 5/10. Juliette tried, but she wasn’t a very good fit.
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Vic
Best Runner: Vic’s teeth


3 thoughts on “Nevermind Watchdown: S24E09, or Somebody Stop This Before I Cut My Penis Off AND EAT IT!

  1. “Never Mind The Buzzcocks! I LOVED doing this show!!! It was totally nuts.”
    -Juliette Lewis, Twitter, 17th December 2010

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