Nevermind Watchdown: S25E09, or Now the BEARS are gonna come..

Onto another Buzzcocks. This one I’m not as sure about, as our guest host is rapper Tinie Tempah, but Phill’s panel was Mock the Week’s Chris Ramsey and Example, who did well enough last time. Pixie Lott’s a pop singer-songwriter, and Joey Page is a ‘requisite comedian’ who hadn’t really done anything before this episode.

There’s no cold open, but everyone in the audience, including the panelists, are holding up Tinie Tempah masks.

Noel: “Is no one gonna comment on the weirdness of that beginning?”
Example: “I’m gonna keep this, I think, it might actually sell more records…”
Tinie: “It’s the first time I’ve seen an all-black audience on Nevermind the Buzzcocks…”

Example, on the Mariah dogs question: “Do the dogs have to be a certain temperature? Do they have to be, like, 36 degrees?”
Phill: “How are you gonna find out the dog’s temperature?”
Example: “…you stick your finger up its bum.”
Phill: “…I’M FAIRLY SURE, EXAMPLE, that you put a thermometer up, but if you’ve got that ability…”
Noel: “Knowing Mariah Carey, it would have been small dogs, so you could put five in and keep ’em as gloves…”
Screen Shot 2016-12-30 at 3.15.58 PM.png

They end up wrong, as Lou Reed did a gig for dogs.
Tinie: “The crowd were licking their bollocks, sniffing each other’s asses, shagging everything that moves and shitting everywhere…it was very much reminiscent of an N-Dubz gig.”
Not only does that kill the panel, but Tinie’s delivery was pretty polished on it. Example even goes “can you SAY THAT?” to Tinie. In response, Tinie, laughing it off, goes “I’ll be alright…”

Noel: “Dappy does sound a bit like a dog. I once gauged his temperature.” [mimes finger thing]
Phill: “I imagine if you do that to Dappy, the hat comes off…”

Screen Shot 2016-12-30 at 3.20.07 PM.png
Noel: “I’m a goth, I quite fancy that…she looks as if she’s lost a contact lens. It came out when I measured her temperature…”
Example: “Is it Kesha, but they forgot to blend it with anyone…”

Tinie: “Who are the two people?”
Noel, matter-of-factly: “…Marilyn Manson and Kesha.”
Tinie: “So why didn’t you say that at the beginning?”
Chris: “Tinie, have you gotta be somewhere?”

The question is which one wears their full placenta around their neck
Joey: “The whole thing? Because I’ve had a baby, and it’s quite big…”
Noel: “It’s basically a deflated spacehopper…”

Pixie: “I think we should go by photo evidence, and say there might be something hanging at the end of that chain…”
Joey: “Do you work for the FBI?”

Great moment: Chris asks what placenta looks like, and Tinie produces a bag of it, and throws it at Pixie…and they proceed to horrifiedly throw the bag around the panel. It’s a hell of a spectacle.
Phill: “WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU KIDS ABOUT THROWING OFF ALL AROUND THE STUDIO? NOW THE *BEARS* ARE GONNA COME…”

Tinie makes a joke about Chris’ accent before Intros.
Chris: “…he’d been doing this all day, it’s unbelievable…”
Phill: “You have a lovely, relaxing accent, Chris, you have to let people enjoy it, it’s like putting on your FEEEVRATE COORDEGAN…”

Tinie: “Keshia from the Sugababes shocked people in an interview by saying she’d never heard of The Doors. This was rectified in 2009, when Keshia was shown one with an exit sign above it…”
Tinie’s jokes tonight are killing it- it’s a combination of good writing and his autocue reading being chill enough

After a very confusing intro by Phill and Example.
Chris: “…can I just shoot off?”
Phill, clutching his heart: “I think I just did…”

Pixie tries getting a hint out of Phill’s team after Chris can’t get it.
Phill: “You think you’re gonna sit there like a sexy panda and bat your little eyelashes at us…and we’re gonna tell you that it’s Halo by Beyonce, WELL WE’RE NOT GONNA…”
Pixie: “…it’s not Halo by Beyonce-”
Tinie: “YES, CORRECT!”

Noel and Pixie’s ‘surround sound’ intro for Kiss’ ‘I was Made for Lovin’ You’ is a pretty great one. Even Tinie has to say ‘that was pretty good, though…’

Tinie: “Gene Simmons has the longest tongue in the music industry, apart from the one Louis Walsh has up Simon Cowell’s ass…”
ANOTHER ONE HITS!

Noel: “The reason that I am dressed like this is because I’m babysitting for Tim Burton’s kids later…”
Screen Shot 2016-12-30 at 3.46.00 PM.png

On Noel and Pixie’s ‘Barbara Streisand’ intro
Joey: “If I don’t get this, I’m gonna sleep in the dog’s house tonight…”
Phill: “AND WHERE WILL THE DOG SLEEP?”
Example holds up a finger.

Tinie: “Barbara Streisand thanks Liza Minnelli for her big break, as she convinced her to ignore criticisms that she looked funny. So chin up, Example, things are gonna be alright…”

Before the clip ends for Phill’s ID Parade, the audience, and Tinie start laughing, and we don’t know why…until we see:
Screen Shot 2016-12-30 at 3.51.15 PM.png
“#1, desperate but not so serious…”

Screen Shot 2016-12-30 at 3.52.32 PM.png“#5, the Mayor of Scunthorpe…”

Example, to Joey: “What number are you?”
Joey: “I’m the answer…”

They actually allow the Mayor to talk, and give some nice lines, though it does seem a bit too artificial given Tinie’s ‘I’ve never been to Scunthorpe’ runner.
Noel: “Are you free to host the show next week?”

Joey: “Three of them have got flip-flips on…that is not acceptable.”
Noel: “They must have worn flip-flips onstage, otherwise, why would they be in flip-flops…”
Phill: “ATHLETES’S FOOT.”

No Next Lines this week, but they at least do a round where, given a line from a musical autobiography, they have to guess whose it is. It’s like the Charles Dance round from the Big Fat Quizzes, just…without Charles Dance.

Overall: Middle of the road show, but still pretty funny. Tinie was a great host, and had some great autocue reads, even if he wasn’t perfect. Very minimalistic panel, with Example and Joey having some great nights, Chris having a few great lines, and Pixie having a smaller but still pretty fun night. The ‘Scunthorpe’ gimmick was amusing, but took a bit too much away from the show.

Guest Host Rating: 8.5/10
Best Regular: Noel
Best Guest: Example
Best Runner: Finger up the bum

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