Nevermind Watchdown: S26E02, or The Filthy Pantomime Horse Joke Show

So, how do we follow an episode of an established comedian DOMINATING Buzzcocks? Let’s get one of the more consistent musician panelists…and get him to host. Uh, for example…uh. Yeah. Example! Get him on!

Also on the panel is the insane combination on Phill’s team of Rufus Hound and Wretch-32, the return of The Choir’s Gareth Gates, and Lianne La Havas, a singer-songwriter who worked with Paloma Faith.

On the Guess Who round:
Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 1.44.17 AM.png
Rufus: “I think, somewhere, Tom Jones is looking at a paternity suit, whoever it is…”

Example steps away from the actual quiz to make sure Gareth and Wretch get to know each other, possibly to set them up together (he even cues in his song ‘AND THE LOVE KICK STARTS AGAIN…’) It’s kind of an odd digression, and even Rufus is saying how horrifying it is.
Rufus: “I don’t want to know what cocktail parties must be like at your house…”

The question, eventually, is which of Will I Am and Chris Martin, has complained that their music has been used to put horses in the mood for sex.
Phill: “I played Coldplay to my cat, and sterilized it.”
Rufus: “Yeah, and last time I heard a Black Eyed Peas track, I wished instead a horse was fucking me in my ear.”

Noel: “Real horses or pantomime horses?”
Example: “Real horses.”
Phill: “D’you think when you’re shagging a pantomime horse, somebody goes ‘BEHIND YOU!”
Rufus: “You ask a pantomime horse for his phone number and he goes [starts stamping out numbers]”
Wretch: “HORSE CODE!”
Noel: “I just picture a pantomime horse cumming and fabric coming out…”
Example: “We should just make the show about this…”
Noel: “Basically we should just change the name to ‘The Filthy Pantomime Horse Joke Show'”
Rufus: “IT SHOULD BE CALLED ‘NEVER MIND THE HORSE COCKS!'”

After Example asks Gareth what music he makes love to:
Phill: “Do you make love to horses?”
Gareth: “…no.”
Noel: “Patti Smith?”
Lianne: “That’s a bit harsh…”
Noel: “…No, her album was called Horses.”
Lianne: “Oh, was it?”

Noel’s question is about whether Nikki Minaj or Jessie J sung a girl out of a coma, and Gareth seems to think it’s Jessie J.
Noel: “What, you’re saying that Minaj would just go ‘THERE’S SOMEBODY IN A COMA WE NEED YOU TO SING NOW!’ ‘I can’t, I’ve just got stuff to do…”

Noel asks Lianne if she’d, hypothetically, sing Noel out of a coma, which she agrees to.
Rufus: “No no. You don’t just start with singing somebody out of a coma, you have to work your way up! Initially you hum someone out of an athsma attack…or whistle someone out of the flu…”
Gareth: “Play the banjo when they’re got herpes, I DON’T KNOW…”
Noel: “He’s better at being me than I am!”

The Phill-Wretch combo in Intros produces two REALLY GOOD intros, one for The Hives’ Main Offender, the other for Lenny Kravitz’ Are You Gonna Go My Way. Just having Wretch, usually a dry presence but kicking back here, helping out is wonderful.

Example: “Lenny Kravitz is half-Jewish, half-black, whereas I look Jewish and wish I were black.”
Wretch even gives him a fist-bump after this one.

Example brings up a bunch of army wives to help Gareth guess his.
Lianne: “It’s like your specialist subject…”
Noel: “…is Rambo porn.”

Rufus: ‘Sorry, are we bothering at any point to justify THIS? We’re all perfectly happy- IN 2012, we’re just gonna have some ladies come out, and- I’m sure you’re all doctors, and rocket surgeons…”
Phill: “ROCKET SURGEONS??? WOW! WHICH ONE OF *YOU* IS A RRROCKET SURGEON?”

Noel: “It is quite Rambo-esque, isn’t it?”
Gareth: “It is. I’m glad the heating’s on…”

ID Parade:
Rufus: “Yeah, I’m pretty certain it’s #2, and the reason I am is because when Example said the geezer’s name, he actually turned round, as if he’d been summoned for a conversation.”
Wretch: ‘TONY!”
#2: [Looks, then sighs, annoyedly]

Screen Shot 2017-02-14 at 9.12.37 PM.pngRufus: “I can make this slightly easier for you, because #5 is actually my dad-”
Example: “YOUR DAD IS HULK HOGAN???”

By the third ‘AND THE LOVE KICK STARTS AGAIN’ segment, Gareth is literally banging his head on the desk in frustration…like most viewers, I imagine.

This bit has Gareth and Wretch give each other stupid nicknames.
Wretch: “BE VERY CAREFUL…”
Noel: “…yeah, nothing stupid, like Wretch 32…”

Wretch says he’s never slept with a groupie.
Example: “What about you, Gareth. Any soldier’s wives?”
Gareth: “NO. NO. NO.”
Example: “Look, their husbands are all away in Afghanistan…”
Gareth: “And they’ve got GUNS…AND HELICOPTERS…and they know where I live. NO…..wasn’t me.”

The final round, instead of Next Lines, is…okay, I’ll admit it, an intriguing twist. Example introduces a category, such as ‘Worst X-Factor winners’, and if a team matches an answer with one on Example’s card, they get a point. It’s actually a nice idea.

Example: “Give me an Example of an overly-muscular pop star.”
Phill: “[chuckles]- THAT WOULD BE MADONNA…”

Example: “Give me an example of the most annoying member of Jedward.”
Noel: “The one on the right!”
Example: “…we would have accepted ‘Jed’ or ‘Ward’…”

Overall: Another really nice episode, despite Example not being an outstanding guest host. Look, he had good reads, good moments, but on the whole he was a bit too unmemorable to truly make an impact. Plus, the whole ‘love kick’ runner with Gareth and Wretch felt a bit forced, and never truly got off the ground. THAT BEING SAID…Rufus, Gareth and Wretch all had really nice nights, and even if Lianne was quieter, she still had some great moments. So panel-wise, as well as moment wise, this was still a pretty nice one.

Guest Host Rating: 8/10- not perfect, but passable.
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Rufus
Best Runner: Pantomime Horses.

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