Nevermind Watchdown: S26E03

Well, we’ve had two really nice episodes. Who’s the next guest host?

….ah, shit. REALLY?

Jack Whitehall, after not having a great first-run as guest host…IS BACK AGAIN FOR SOME REASON. Well, great.

At least there’s a nice-looking panel, featuring Paul Foot, Danny Jones from McFly, MENA SUVARI FOR SOME REASON (I mean, she was fantastic in American Beauty, but…still an odd choice), and ‘Requisite Comedian’ Celia Pacquola.

Jack, in the introclip: “Say what you will about the Jonas Brothers, but if you ask me, they make McFly look like fucking Nirvana…”

Jack, explaining the Jonas’ purity rings to Celia: “It’s a thing you put on…and then you don’t have sex. It’s like a wedding ring.”
Okay…so far, I’ve cracked a smile or two at Jack. This is odd.

Jack, to Mena: “You ever get any weird stuff from fans?”
Mena: “I did get a letter from prison once…”
Phill: “Yeah, well we’ve all got a terrible uncle…”

Again, the problems I had with Jack last time are sort of the same here. He’s basically Simon Amstell 2.0, and he’s doing a bit too much cheeky digression. The main thing is he’s making the quiz show about himself…when it should be about, you know, the quiz show.

The options for what was left on Dolly Parton’s doorstep are a baby, a cowboy, or a baby cow. The baby cow, which Paul unveils, is just a plate of veal. He’s saddened by this.

Mena: “That is an ugly baby.”
Noel: “If I had a child like that, I’d leave it on Dolly Parton’s doorstep. Go ‘aaaah, you’re beautiful- RIGHT, ON THE STEP!”

Noel relents and tries putting the baby in the cowboy boots.
Jack: “Someone from Social Services is gonna be watching this and have a heart attack…”

Paul: “I mean, you couldn’t leave a live calf, that’d be against the law, wouldn’t it?”
Mena: “…versus a baby?”
Jack: “Yeah, leaving a baby is PRETTY BAD…”
Paul: “NOT IF IT’S DEAD! You can leave a DEAD baby there…”
The audience reacts accordingly.
Paul: “Obviously it’s against the law, but it’s not gonna cause any inconvenience to anyone, is it?”

It makes me happy that this show’s come a ton from its origin. Series 1 they were doing Oasis and the Prodigy in Intros. This episode, Phill and Danny do ‘Gold on the Ceiling’, by the Black Keys.

At least a silver lining to this episode is Paul is still atrocious at intros. Jack even plays in the actual song, and he still doesn’t get it.

Jack, before the second intro: “Look, they’ve been famous for a long time, and they’re famous now.”
Noel, to Mena: “What, should we just wing it?”
Jack: “…fuck it. IT’S COLDPLAY. You just need to get the song.”
Noel, shaking his head: “I can’t believe they’re making me do this…”
Paul: “Is Coldplay the one with James Blunt?”

Jack: “Why don’t we play in the song, then have you guess? Hell, WHY DON’T WE WRITE IT OUT LIKE HANGMAN AS WELL…”

Screen Shot 2017-02-19 at 11.26.01 PM.pngJack: “PAUL! PAUL! THERE’S YOUR CLUE!”

Because Phill honestly doesn’t want to know who did a kiss-and-tell with both Eminem and Robbie Williams, he and the other two panelists all decide to draw a cat.
Jack: “Danny from McFly…drawing a pussy from memory. What a legend.”

Sure enough, Danny gets the wrong idea and draws a vagina, all while Phill’s drawn a happy cat with cream, and Celia’s drawn a Phill cat. Danny eventually shows it, and Jack reams him out: “OH, YOU SICK BASTARD! THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW!”

On Phill’s ID Parade
Paul: “I think I know which one it is…”
Jack: “…just from behind?”

Paul does eventually go up to the Take That ID Parade.
Noel: “He looks like he’s about to hit you…”
Paul: “He can’t hit me, I’ve got show business immunity.”

Overall: Not good, folks. Not good at all. Jack’s cheeky manner made this episode a slog, even with Paul Foot was there to save it, even in his run-in with a legitimate gangster in ID Parade (which I didn’t write down). The panel was dead, and Jack’s bashing of Danny and Mena didn’t work. Mena just seemed alarmed by the whole ordeal. Celia did nothing. A noticeable failure, one that derailed what was looking like a pretty nice series of Buzzcocks.

Guest Host Rating: 4/10. Ugh.
Best Regular: Noel
Best Guest: Paul
Best Runner: Paul and the Gangster.


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