After a down episode we soldier on, with an episode hosted by…uh, Ne-Yo?
I know Ne-Yo best as the guy who sang the melody on Pitbull’s Give me Everything. He backs people up for a living. What’s he doing hosting?
Good news is we have two time-tested panelists on the bill: David O’Doherty, going back to just being an astonishing panel presence, and Stacey Solomon, the famed beautiful pea-brain. Also here tonight are insanely young singer-songwriter Delilah and X-Factor favorite Aiden Grimshaw.
There’s actually a clever open here, as NeYo ascends the audience stairs, and in the process dances with a fan, takes a selfie with another, completes a chess move, resuscitates an injured audience member, and flat-out relishes the applause, and the moment, all while ‘Let me Love You’ plays. So, if that’s how we’re starting…this better be a good show.
Early on Ne-Yo’s teleprompter reads are a bit wooden, but hopefully he’ll warm up.
The Sorry No Refunds question about Kings of Leon being attacked by shitting pigeons has, I believe, already been asked on this show.
David, with the pigeon prop: “This isn’t a stuffed pigeon, I’m just really good with animals.”
Delilah, picking up the megaphone prop: “STEP AWAY FROM THE PIGEON.”
After Noel’s first bizarre story, this one involving a cat, a milk bottle, fire, and his nan, NeYo goes, slightly alarmed, “ohhh, this is gonna be fun…”
David tucks some of the fireworks into his jacket
Phill: “What kind of hellish suicide-bomber are you?”
David: “I’M THE MOST FUN KIND OF SUICIDE BOMBER!”
After NeYo polishes off a punchline with a Kerry Katona slam (most likely ghostwritten by Frankie Boyle, he leans over and goes “uhh…what’s a Kerry Katona?”
David, through the megaphone: “YOU DON’T…NEED…TO KNOW.”
I also know the answer to the U2 ‘No Refunds’ question- a Giant lemon trapped them inside during the PopMart tour. Still, it’s amusing as hell that they brought an actual old lady as one of the options.
Stacey: “Or…what if the lady pooed on ’em all…”
NeYo throws in a ‘where have American rap artists been shot’ round, because…personalization worked so well last episode!
NeYo: “Where on the body has 50 Cent been shot?”
Phill: “We’re gonna go with leg.”
NeYo: “Which leg?”
Noel: “The one closest to the gun!”
NeYo reveals that Fiddy was shot 9 times in front of his grandmother’s house.
Phill: “That serves him right for forgetting his grandmother’s birthday!”
NeYo: “Lil Wayne wasn’t shot, but he claims he was stabbed…where?”
David: “Oh, in the integrity.”
Oh, how I missed him…
Noel knows about the U2 lemon incident: “I know this sounds like one of my jokes, but this really happened…”
Great moment. Phill and Delilah’s first intro is NeYo’s song, so he realizes, and smiles to the camera, and the audience.
Phill: “Let’s do it one more time…NEYO…”
David: “Is it one of Ne-Yo’s songs?”
Delilah and Phill: “NO! NO! NO!”
Phill: “Whatever gave you that impression, David?”
David: “Ne-Yo, honey I’m so sorry, but I’ve got loads of songs, and you wouldn’t know any of them either…”
For Jumping Jack Flash, David knows it, and clutches his head, trying to think.
Noel: “David, don’t cover your ears…that won’t help…”
NeYo tells another joke involving the Rolling Stones being on Tony Robinson’s Time Team.
NeYo: “…who is Tony Robinson and what is Time Team?”
Noel: “Tony Robinson…is a dick…No, he’s so not a dick, he’s the nicest man in the world…No, I love Tony Robinson! I’m gonna meet him now, and he’s gonna punch me in the face with a jug!”
Stacey spends the whole round clutching the ‘good luck’ lemon prop.
David: “It’ll be so ironic if Stacey dies of scurvy next year…”
I would like to point out that Stacey Solomon, who is notoriously awful at intros, DOES get the intro to Grease by Frankie Avalon (and company). So yeah. Hell froze over.
For Noel’s ID Parade, Ne-Yo plays in “possibly the worst pop music I have ever heard, something called a Jedward…”
Noel talks about being on a plane with Kasabian and Jedward. “All we kept thinking is if this plane goes down…they’re fucking front page…and at best, we’re just gonna get a tiny picture in the corner.”
Noel: “I can imagine them being quite organized, actually, doing a nice-”
Phill: “Oh, gimme a break. The buffet would have been 400 packets of crisps.”
Noel suggests that Stacey ask the couples some actual questions ‘instead of talking about politics…’
Stacey: “I don’t need to know about Stalin and things like that…”
The panel takes a second to recover from the ridiculousness here.
Noel: “WELL…if I wanted to know about Stalin, obviously I’d phone Jedward first…”
The couple explain that their wedding rings, thanks to Jedward’s officiation, say ‘Jedward forever’
Stacey: “Is it real gold? Melt it down and make a necklace out of it…”
A surprisingly smart idea from…well, Stacey Solomon.
Next Lines: “Don’t wanna be an American idiot.”
Phill’s entire panel: [DOES GUITAR RIFF]
Delilah gets her own lyrics…and can’t remember the next lines.
Phill: “QUICKLY, WE DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME!”
Delilah: “I can’t, you’re stressing me out!”
Phill, with the megaphone: “WHAT ARE THE WORDS. WHAT ARE THE WORDS.”
Overall: The opposite of last episode- great panel, less-than-great guest host. NeYo tried his best, but took a more relaxed approach, and it definitely showed. Meanwhile, David had a career day, Stacey had some nice lines, Delilah had some nice rapport with Noel, and Aiden had a few good moments. The dynamic was way closer than last episode, even if Neyo wasn’t all the way there. Plus, Noel’s presence proved that the last episode’s failure was also kind of his fault.
Guest Host Rating: 7/10. Eh.
Best Regular: Noel
Best Guest: David
Best Runner: The Megaphone