As we are somehow more than HALFWAY through this surprisingly well-rounded season of Buzzcocks, we move onto an episode guest-hosted by journalist and morning show host Richard Madeley, who’s still probably only going to be the 2nd-best Richard to host the show this series. At least we have Seann ‘Anal Danger’ Walsh on the panel, as well as Maverick Sabre. Also, Heidi Range was with the Sugababes, and Andrew O’Neill is our ‘requisite comedian’, as well as a transvestite. Eddie Izzard wasn’t in town evidently.
Also, this was…somehow the 250TH BUZZCOCKS EVER AIRED. WOW. They pulled out some stops, as Noel and Phill spin the WHEEL OF HOSTS to figure out who’s gonna do it, and while there are some pretty nice choices in there (including Miss Piggy, Lenny Henry, David Beckham, Tom Hanks, Cher, Daniel Radcliffe and Bobby Davro) before landing on Richard Madeley, who makes a nice entrance.
Noel: “Flying lessons would be a pretty good present..”
Seann: “On a plane, right? Not…” [flaps]
Noel: “Not from a duck..”
Heidi admits she takes valium on flights.
Richard: “What’s it do to you?”
Heidi: “It makes me happy…”
Richard: “Are you on some now?”
Richard attempts to play the miniature piano, but it’s insanely out of tune, so it doesn’t work.
Noel: “Do you play the piano?”
Richard: “Yeah, by ear…though usually with my hands.”
Richard’s thing is he knows exactly who he is, and he’s just trying to have a good time, which is nice.
Seann puts the pilot’s hat on
Richard: “He looks like that guy from Independence Day, doesn’t he?”
Seann: “Yeah, I look exactly like Will Smith…”
Richard: “No, the one who took it up the ass from the aliens.”
Seann: [throws helmet off]
Phill, on the P. Diddy seafood option: “I mean, projectile vomiting at a P. Diddy is normally something- well, you’d book in. You’d organize that…”
Andrew: “I just read a biography on P. Diddy, and he’s part-clam. Not the bits you can see, the back half…”
Noel’s gotta be impressed by this guy…
Phill also throws in that “his mortal enemy are the Klu Klux Clams.”, which garners a high-five from Andrew.
Seann, post-clam jokes: “What’s going on?”
Phill: “Pay attention, Walsh. P. Diddy’s half-clam.”
Noel: “look at the lion, he’s half-lion…”
Phill: “Seann, do this for me: ‘PUT ‘EM UPPP, PUT ‘EM UPPP…”
Once they get the right answer, Andrew prompts a dramatic pose:
After a standup where Richard says to Diddy, who says they’re an art to sexting, that “you only need three emojis- smiley-face, cum-face, sleepy-face.”
Seann: “I just heard Richard Madeley say ‘cum-face’…”
Noel: “I’m still drinking that in…”
Phill’s second intro, he even says ‘there’s no pride in guessing this one’
Richard: ‘Andrew, d’you want it again?”
Phill: “We don’t want it again. No one would want this again.”
Richard: “…let’s have it again…”
Phill: “…lucky Judy…”
Noel: “I think Seann’ll know it..”
Seann: “Is it ‘Maybe on my Birthday’ by Anal Danger?”
YES! So glad he brought this back…
There’s a running gag where Seann just starts thrashing his head to the Marilyn Manson song, then stops and wonders why nobody else was doing it. The second they play in the Simply Red song, Seann starts banging his head again.
Richard has a great, Lamarr-esque line with “Simply Red have not released an album in 5 years, to great acclaim. In fact, the decision for them not to release an album in 5 years has gotten them nominated for a Brit.”
Richard: “I don’t wanna spread rumours and innuendo, but there’s a rumour going around that Marilyn Manson got a rib remove so that he could perform oral sex on himself. If that’s true, he’s wasted a lot of time and money, because all you have to do is fall backwards into a wheely-bin.”
Phill, after the laughter subsides: “…I’m gonna need counseling after this show…”
Andrew: “Is that what that woman was doing for that cat? Doing him a favor?”
Phill: “Cause, to be honest, I’ve SEEN cats, they can already do it…”
Richard: “Marilyn’s ex-wife-”
Phill, still going: “They never do it to me, I never know how much cat food to put on it…”
Noel, to Seann: “As a lion, are you offended by that?”
Seann: “That’s my MUM you’re talking about!”
Seann: “I think it’d be brilliant if towards the end of this episode Judy came out from under that desk…”
Richard, peeking under for a moment: “…she’s not finished yet.”
The whole panel explodes. Phill just starts screaming, going “MY EYES!!!”
Sean even goes one step further:
Seann, guessing Noel and Heidi’s first intro: “Is it someone chasing a bus and then stepping on a cat?”
Noel: “What do lions listen to?”
Seann, trying to imitate the song from Lion King: “BGAAAAAAAA NIPEENGAAAAAA…”
Richard: “How about the other team? Any thoughts?”
Phill: “Yeah, I’d like to be on a different quiz, please, Richard…”
The gimmick for Intros is that both of them had appeared on the lineup back in Series 1.
Maverick: “#4 looks like a Soviet spy…”
Andrew: “#5’s got kind eyes like Paul McCartney. I’d want him to be my dad…however, that position’s taken, so he’d have to kill my dad first…”
Phill: “#4 could kill him…”
Richard: “D’you remember what he looked like?”
Phill: “Yeah, I remember everything with CRYSTAL CLARITY, Richard, I’ve got 100% total recall…”
Richard: “So which one is it?”
Phill: “….i don’t fucking know…”
Noel: ‘Why are they called the Bandit Beatles?”
Phill: “They only do gigs in Mexico. [Mexican accent]: OH JES, AFTER WE DO THE CONCERT WE PLAY HEY JUDE, DEN WE HIT DE BANK. Den there will be hordes of TEQUILA. Den we have to play Ticket to RRRIDE…”
Andrew: “Hey, GRINGO!”
Phill: [completely loses it laughing]
Phill: “Well one of them’s a Bandit Beatle, but one of the other five has got to get back to Metropolis and make things tricky for Superman…”
And now…wwwait a minute. For Noel’s team…CATHY DENNIS, legendary hitmaker, songwriter and kookbag is on the lineup. Of all the Garlickings in all the world, I never thought Cathy Dennis would end up in the lineup. This is odd. And yes, it’s obviously #2 because she hasn’t changed much in all these years.
Richard even says “she’s written Toxic for Britney Spears, and she’s incredibly rich.”
Noel: “Really? Then why’s she doing this??”
Seann says he ran into #5 on the tube.
Noel: “I think it’s #2…”
Seann: “No, I didn’t run into her on the tube! WHY?”
Noel, gritted teeth: “Cause…a Sugababe told me?”
Only thing is Cathy, the whole time, had gritted teeth and this fixed glare. Granted, the show kind of lampooned her, especially the last time she was on, but still, I’m just surprised she came back.
Instead of Next Lines, there’s a round where both teams get Richard to guess celebrities shown onscreen behind him, which sort of works.
For Chris Martin:
Seann: “UHHH…plays up front for Norwich…”
Overall: A pretty nice retrospective that also doubles as a pretty nice stand-alone episode. Richard did a nice enough job hosting, not going too over the top, but at the same time having some really nice material and demeanor. Seann had a career night, and Andrew had some nice lines, while Maverick was a quieter presence, and Heidi didn’t do anything. Tonight was also a sort of reclamation for Phill, who busted out after a few quieter episodes in a row.
Guest Host Rating: 9/10. Pretty nice stuff, Richard.
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Seann
Best Runner: Seann the lion.