So…it’s come to this.
Tonight’s episode is the last big controversial important episode in the series’ run. Rizzle Kicks, who were amusing enough on their last time on, are HOSTING. On the panel tonight are Paul Foot, finally back again, American Southern-Alt-Rock singer Lissie, Irish model and presenter Laura Whitmore, and…yeah…Huey Morgan, from the Fun-Loving Criminals. This is going to be very, very interesting. Because Huey is about to have the absolute worst day of his life. Let’s watch together.
Among the implications of Phill’s Content Advisory round: Tina Turner sang “I don’t really wanna fuck no more”; and, most hilariously, “BOB THE BUILDER- CAN HE FUCK IT?”
Paul asks if Scissor Sisters are a successful group: “I thought they should have been censored for being excessively camp.”
There’s this big bit Paul does about lesbians getting shot out of cannons, that leads to the Cern collider smashing lesbians together, that’s so bizarre that I’m not gonna write it down verbatim.
THE FIRST SIGN OF CONFLICT
Huey talks about not getting kicked off of a plane: “Even in really bad shape, like my hair was messed up and-”
Jordan: “Hair messed up?”
Huey, pointing to his short hair: ‘My hair GROWS…”
Jordan: “A Green Day is a term for a day that’s spent by doing nothing but smoking marijuana.”
Harley: “For example, the Fun Lovin Criminals are in the middle of a Green DECADE.”
Huey, after a glare: “…son, we’re in our SECOND decade…”
Among the implications in Noel’s round: Marc Cohn allegedly wrote ‘Wanking in Memphis’; Katy Perry’s ‘You’re Gonna Fuck Me Raw’, which does work a ton better if you’re British; and a random wang in Olivia Newton John’s ‘Physical’ video.
Noel: “Paul, d’you know any of these people?”
Paul: “I’ve always wondered this…is Olivia Newton John related to Elton John?”
Noel: “Yeah, he’s her auntie…”
Paul says he’s never seen Grease.
Noel: “Well, we’ll have to grab some snacks and watch Grease…”
Harley: “Can we come?”
Noel, after the laughter passes: “Sorry, Rizzle Kicks…no lesbians…”
Lissie, summing up the entire post Mark Lamarr era of Buzzcocks: “Like I said, I feel like I know what the answer is, but it doesn’t seem like that’s the point of the show, so…”
Laura, pre-intros: “I just wanna say that this is my favorite round, and I always get mad when people don’t get the intros because they’re really easy…and now I’m shitting myself.”
Again, at this point, Huey seems to be in a fine mood, and he and Phill do a nice rendition of Foster the People’s Pumped Up Kicks.
Laura and Lissie share a nice moment.
Laura: “Lot of stress, isn’t it?”
Lissie: “I have to do it in a moment, so I feel you…”
Now I think the monotony kicks in- Huey just lumbers over towards Rizzle Kicks and points to them as Phill and Huey do their intro- he’s not pleased, because it’s just about them.
Paul, trying to guess: “Lots of songs sound like sex and love, but that didn’t sound like it. Sounded more like…….’Let’s Mend that Dove-Cot.”
Harley: “The Dove-Cot?”
Paul: “Yeah, where the doves go. The home of the doves.”
Lissie: “What, like a little bed that it lays on?”
Paul: “They would have a bed in there, obviously…of course, they’ve got beds, they’ve got teas, they’ve even got a Corby trouser press- THAT’S HARDLY THE POINT, LOVE!”
Paul, still going: “It’s named after where the doves live.”
Jordan: “Like a dove cottage?”
Paul: “Dove-cottaging is a different thing…”
Lissie: “This one I may or may not remember how it goes…”
Paul: “Would it help if i did a bit with you?”
Sure enough, Paul and Lissie do it for Noel, who already knows it. Paul just keeps making weird noises and such, which cracks up Lissie.
Paul wonders aloud why #1 in the ID Parade doesn’t have shoelaces.
Huey: “Maybe the producers thought it’d be a suicide risk. I understand why…now…at this point in the fuckin’ show, but…”
Pre-Next Lines, Huey’s still in an okay enough mood, even after Paul’s ID Parade shenangians, which…I’m not gonna write down all of, but like last time it was pretty fucking great. Huey’s not, like angry. So what happens next is kind of a shock.
The first time Huey gets one of his own lines…he sighs, looks up at the ceiling, and recites it. Kind of like his first time on, but less funny.
Jordan: “JUNGLE IS MASSIVE! JUNGLE IS MASSIVE!”
Huey: “…I don’t fuckin’ know…”
Phill: “So big that thousands of animals can hide within it…”
After the umpteenth Huey lyric, which he delivers even more pissed off.
Huey: “i’m fine, I just thought you guys would do something different for a change…not give me my own lyrics over and over…”
Jordan has to explain that this is what they do on the show, for a laugh- to his credit, he’s got an awful nice way of talking him down.
Huey: “I’ve been on the show, like, NINE TIMES…”
Then, right after Rizzle Kicks announce the answer for Cavanagh, Huey smashes his mug on the ground and yells ‘WHO’S THAT??”, freaking the fuck out of Noel’s panel, mildly startling Phill, and causing a few folks in the audience to go ‘EYYY!’
After trying, and failing, to calm down Huey, Jordan actually has a good line here: “…Cavanagh, man, that’s some dangerous music…”
The rest of how Jordan responds, by just mocking Huey, throwing in the ‘you won’t like me when I’m angry’, and sticking the shard of mug in his hair, is basically just baiting him. I mean, on one hand, Huey may not have been in the right to get agitated over Next Lines, but on the other…Jordan was kind of being an asshole.
Harley: “Noel’s team, you need 5 points to win, but I’d maybe suggest…not winning…”
Of course, then Paul and Noel spend their entire Next Lines round pushing over Noel’s mug, just in parody.
Jordan, trying to wrap the show in a bow: “Tonights winners- well, tonight’s real winner…is music.”
This gets no response.
Jordan: “…no, alright TONIGHT’S WINNERS-”
Phill absolutely loses it here. Huey would, but he’s still pissed.
Huey storms off before Jordan and Harley get a chance to fully sign off. Phill’s just sitting there, kinda traumatized. And that’s the note we end the bloody show, man.
Overall: Good show, had great moments…but I can’t completely like it without thinking about the Huey incident- it kind of overshadows what was already a ‘good enough’ show. Paul had some nice moments, Lissie and Laura played well, and Huey had some good lines pre-smash, but…that last bit was hard to watch. Then it becomes a blame game, on whether it was Huey’s mental state or Rizzle Kicks being fucking assholes to him that caused it. Look, Rizzle Kicks didn’t have the greatest day, but I’m gonna bring them down a peg or two for how they handled that. A guy has an anxiety attack on your show, and what do you do? You make fun of him? Regardless of who caused the incident, the way Rizzle Kicks handled it was horrible, and I may have to side with Huey because of it, even if I’m not 100% agreeing with his tactics either. Just a strange show, one I’m not sure how to think of.
Guest Host Rating: 7/10
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Paul
Best Runner: Paul and the lesbians.