Nevermind Watchdown: S27E09, or I Think You’ve had an Akabusi Attack.

Four episodes of Guest Hosted Buzzcocks to go, and we’re on a bit of a roll. Who’s up next?

UUUUUGGGGHHHHH! WHY DO THEY KEEP INVITING JACK WHITEHALL BACK???

Jack Whitehall has bungled hosting not one…but TWO NMTB episodes. Why? Because he subscribes to the Simon Amstell school of deliciously personal attacks, and is driving the show backwards rather than forwards. He’s also not funny, and he’s just not a great host. This will be his THIRD hosting gig. Let’s hope he’s made at least some improvement.

In terms of the panel, we’ve got The Last Leg’s Alex Brooker, Olympic legend Kriss Akabusi (in place of a preempted Aston Merrygold appearance), Razorlight’s Johnny Borrell, and pop singer Katy B.

Jack, in detailing the search for Kriss, said that the BBC was trying to find anyone around the studio with even the smallest, most tedious link to music, “comedians, presenters, Sugababes- UNTIL FINALLY”
That is actually a nice read…

Jack, starting the round: “Phill, Katy, and Aston Merrygold from JL…we should probably change that…[Kriss], you’re also probably not going to be able to do the bit at the end with the backflip…”

Jack: “I meant to, at this point, have a chat with Aston about JLS’ split…probably not gonna work, but let’s just try it with Kriss…”
Yeah, this is basically a Simon Amstell episode, though Jack is a bit funnier than he’s ever been, so I’ll give him that.

Of course, in Kriss’ hands, it succeeds in being a good bit- Kriss actually knows how to yes-and here, and confirms FOR Aston that JLS is gonna come back, ending the bit by saying ‘SEE YOU AT WEMBLEY!’. So now when Aston DOES come back on (what, next week?), he’s gonna have to denounce Kriss’ stuff.

Jack: “You ever use the JLS-branded condoms?”
Kriss: “…they’re quite small guys, ain’t they?”
Jack: “…not just quick on the track! I am…SO HAPPY Aston Merrygold is ill!”

Jack: “Kriss, you were wrong, because your team didn’t listen to you…”
Noel: “Is it now Kriss’ team?”
Phill: {switches places with Kriss]
Noel: “You know Kriss isn’t stopping at captain…you know he’s gonna be hosting soon…”

Jack, after fouling up a joke: “Gah, so much pressure now, because if I do get it wrong, now I just think Kriss will take my place…”
Then, Jack fouls up the joke again, causing the whole place to go wild.
Noel: “GET OUT OF THE CHAIR!”
Jack: “Kriss, come do the joke for me…”

They do the joke again, with Jack whispering the standup on the prompter into Kriss’ ear. Once he finishes the joke, he immediately gets it, and reacts accordingly.

After Kriss sits back in his own chair.
Phill: “BOOM! …Sorry, this seat’s got some secondary Akabusi on it as well…”

Noel, slowly realizing who one of the Guess Who options are: “…look at those big blue eyes…those Jesus-like eyes…I CAN’T! IT’S THE EYES OF MY NEMESIS! IT’S CHRIS MARTIN! I CAN’T LOOK AT THEM!”
Jack: “…stare a little bit longer…”
Noel: “I CAN’T! THE MEDIOCRITY MIGHT GET ME!”

Jack, to Noel: “You and me were on the same bill as Coldplay, and the whole night, you were avoiding him-”
Noel: “I didn’t avoid him. His roadies wanted to kill me!”
Johnny: “With cups of green tea?”

Jack, to Noel: “What would you sing to your baby?”
Noel: “BREAKIN’ THE LLLAW, BREAKIN’ THE LAAW…”
And he just keeps going, miming screaming into the baby and going mad.
Jack: “I think you’ve had an Akabusi attack…”

After Jack asks Johnny if he has plans to settle down, Alex interjects, saying that Johnny used to date Jack’s sister, all the while Jack’s trying to get him to shut up.
Alex: “I was reading your book on the toilet before…”
Jack: “Why are you talking about reading it on the toilet?”
Alex: “…well, it’s not quite good enough to take on Holiday, is it?”

This is pretty amazing, seeing not only Kriss upstaging Jack, but Alex tearing Jack a new one WHILE HE’S TRYING TO HOST THE SHOW. Maybe it’s because I hate Jack Whitehall, but I’m LOVING this show so far.

Jack makes his first snafu of the night, by revealing the answer to Phill and Katy’s first intro too soon. As the clip plays in-
Noel: “What’you doing? You’re supposed to throw it over…”
Jack: [collapses]
…he;s hosted the show twice before, HE SHOULD KNOW THIS.

He does actually throw it over, after the answer’s been given.
Jack: “Any ideas?”
Noel and Alex: “…errrrmmm…”

Kriss, not knowing: “I’m sorry…[buzzer noise]”
Phill: “…WRONG QUIZ!”

Jack makes his SECOND snafu of the night, giving Alex the point before he’s named the actual song. He says ‘Sister Sledge’, and Jack just reveals the song title. Man, it’s almost like Jack’s the worst guest host ever or something…

After Noel and Johnny don’t know how the 2nd intro goes…and then they bring over Kriss and he goes “oh,…I know the BAND…”
Alex: “I’m not too optimistic at this point…”

Then JACK comes over and all four of them have to do the intro together. As they get ready, Noel goes “we might have to take this group on tour…”

Jack: “Kriss, which of the lineup would you most like to boom.”
Kriss: “WHOOOOOAA…”
Jack: “NO NO NO NO NO! NO! KRISS HAS A WIFE! I mean like [Kriss hand motion] boom boom!”
Kriss, already past it: “No, I mean…”
Jack, still stuck on the audience: “No, YOU SICK BASTARDS, LOOK…KRISS AKABUSI IS ASEXUAL. HE DOESN’T DO THAT-”
Kriss: “I dunno about that, fella…”

Kriss: “Yeah, I like #2, she’s got the whole dancing action going on-”
Jack: “SHE’S STOOD STILL!”

WHITEHALL SNAFU #3:
Jack, Next Lines: “And oh, doesn’t matter how much we cried…if our eyes spat out the night…what i’ve done there, is read out BOTH lines of the song…so you’re gonna have to get the next one…”

Then, of course, Jack does 3 sister-related lines in a row to spite Johnny, like “Dance Little Sister” and “Sister don’t let go…”

Jack: “Sister don’t let go…”
Noel: “Just keep quiet, I can hear Jack coming up the-”
Jack: “SHUT UP!”

Overall: A surprisingly amazing NMTB. Even without Kriss Akabusi, this would still have been funny. Jack, while still not a great host, had more to work with, especially with his pal Kriss on the bill, and with Johnny having dated his sister. Alex had some of the best lines, Katy and Johnny were in great moods, but Kriss was having so much fun, allowed for some of the best moments, and saved this episode from being another crappy Jack Whitehall episode.

Guest Host Rating: 8/10. Slight upgrade.
Best Regular: Phill
Best Guest: Kriss
Best Runner: Johnny and Jack’s sister.

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