Nevermind Watchdown: S28E02, or We Don’t Believe in Time

Yep, Rhod’s got me hooked. Onto another Buzzcocks, this one featuring the immortal, kooky, animal-impersonating pea-brain Stacey Solomon, new-by-2014 standards pop-star Ella Eyre, Harry Koisser from indie-rock-ish band Peace, and Part-time lion and fan of Anal Danger, SEANN WALSH. Nicely balanced panel for ya.

Rhod, to Harry: “I’ve heard that you’ve got this party trick where you play a guitar ’round the back of your head.”
Harry: “I mean, they say the worst thing to do at a party is to pull an acoustic guitar out-”
Rhod, pulling an acoustic guitar out: “YEAH, ‘S TERRIBLE!”

Rhod tries one-upping him by playing invisible bongos…which Ella immediately says looks wrong. Noel goes over to play them.
Ella: “Where is this going?”
Noel: “Where ISN’T it going?”

This week’s new first-round is ‘It Wasn’t Me’…featuring a Rhod-assisted version of the famed Shaggy track, which gets Phill laughing.

After Seann basically says he can’t imagine Noel eating anything.
Noel: “Two things I can’t stand are food and time.”

Noel, to Harry:”Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever weed…”
Harry: “I’m not gonna say who, but a member of my band-”
Rhod, reading the anecdote card: “Hang on…it was Doug.”

Harry eventually reveals that Doug pissed on him when he was in the shower.
Harry: :Yeah, I was on the phone, in the shower.”
Seann: “HOLD ON-”
Noel: “There’s so much wrong with this story…”

Rhod has Seann put on a bald cap, as he’s confusing him with Ella on both hairstyles.
Stacey, to Seann: “SHAKESPEARE! That’s who you look like!”

Harry keeps talking about how he doesn’t have a house, or go shopping, or anything.
Harry, later: ‘Look, later on I’m gonna go back home and just-”

Rhod: “AT THE END OF THAT ROUND…[plays invisible bongos]”

Stacey prefaces Phill and Ella’s intros by saying ‘I’m so sorry, guys, I’m terrible at this…I never get it, my ear doesn’t hear it…”
Noel: “I like how you blamed your ear.”

Stacey just looks absolutely bewildered and confused as Phill and Ella do ‘Waterloo Sunset’.
Rhod: “Can I just interrupt this? Stacey, do you know what’s happening?”

Stacey: “At first I was looking at Phill, then I was looking at the other team, seeing if they knew it, so I was trying to read their lips.”
Rhod: “THAT…is a bold strategy.”
Stacey: “…I’m short-sighted, so it didn’t work very well…”
The panel takes a moment to recover.
Rhod: “so LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. Your EARS don’t work, AND you’re short sighted.”
Stacey: “No, I’m a mute!”
Rhod: “Why don’t you just stand up and feel the two of them for vibrations?”
Stacey: “Will I get sued?”
Rhod: “…depends where you feel them…”

Rhod: “I’ll give you a clue! It’s big and red and always hangs out by the river?”
Stacey: “…IT? You know, that clown, who’s always in the drains?”
Noel’s entire panel loses it. None of them can believe this. Phill has to stop, bend over and compose himself.
Stacey, walking off: “I hate you all.”
Rhod: “OH, IT, THE FILM. Let’s see if you’re right, is it IT, BY STEPHEN KING.”

Stacey: “Well, that was a really bad clue, then.”
Rhod: “It wasn’t a really bad clue, it was a really bad answer!”

Noel says he even had a full IT dress picked out for this episode, but Stacey keeps getting hung up by the whole ‘man in a dress’ thing. Noel has to stop and reiterate several times.
Noel: “What I’m saying is-”
Stacey: “YOU ARE IT!”

Sure enough, during the ‘here’s how it should have sounded’, Noel runs out and throws on his clown dress, and gets a nice applause coming back in with it.

Of course, the very next intro…Stacey gets it in 10 seconds. Our House, by Madness. And everyone’s FLOORED.

Of course, after the applause dies down, Noel throws in: “now, you know whose house it wasn’t?” And points to Harry.

Ella says that Noel looks like a stay at home wife.
Seann: “No, he looks like a stay-at-home wife in the Nightmare Before Christmas…”

Seann doesn’t exactly bring back Anal Danger, but he does guess, for Harry and Noel’s second intro, “Is it ‘Don’t Forget to Lock Me’, by the Backdoors?”

On Phill’s ID Parade:
Seann: “Phill, I know I’m on the other team, but I can help you out. It’s not #4, because i went to SCHOOL WITH HIM…”

This is another one where Phill obviously knows that it’s #2, but the other ones are still a few steps behind, and still on #4 being Seann’s friend.

#2 is given the ‘will he please step forward’…and for 10 seconds, he doesn’t. Rhod eventually has to go over and threaten to push him for him to actually step forward.

Rhod’s spruced up the ID Parade by giving the correct one a wireless mic, so he can ask what they’ve been doing. In Stedman’s case, since he used to be a bricklayer, Rhod goes over and asks what work needs to be done on his house, and Stedman, playing along but honest, gives him a blunt dissertation.

The East 17 ID Parade is done, in the style of their video, on a rotating circular track, all five done up in snow-parkas. Rhod has to wait for #3 to come around to do his intro, ‘TED BUNDY’.

Rhod: “#2’s really got it in for lazy susans. Wait for him to ‘come round- LOOK AT THAT MISERABLE PRICK!”
Noel: “If they got off that now, would they all fall over?”

After #4, Jon, is revealed.
Rhod: “Jon, what ‘you up to?”
Jon: “…spinning ’round?”

Jon mentions he’s been doing roofing.
Rhod, coming back up with his phone ‘WELL LISTEN…’

Rhod gets on the track to talk to Jon about the roof, and the lazy susan starts up again, making it even funnier, and interlaying the disgruntled other three in there as Rhod and Jon talk in the background.

Rhod plays out the round by playing the invisible bongos.
Rhod: “I know what you’re thinking- can I do it one-handed?”
VO: …..
Rhod: “…no.”

Rhod, to Noel’s team: “Your time starts now-”
Seann, harkening back to Noel’s earlier conversation: “We don’t believe in time…”

Rhod: “In the summertime, when the weather is hot.”
Noel: “…you can sleep outside, or live in a drain…”

Overall: SMASHING SUCCESS. It helped that the panel was on, but there were a number of great runners, like Harry’s houselessness, Stacey’s inability to get intros, Noel’s clown dress, the concept of time, Seann’s friend from school, and Rhod’s contracting. Seann probably had the best day off everyone, but literally everyone had nice moments. Stacey was a great sport, Ella and Harry had great lines, and Rhod improved on an already-great E1.

Best Regular: Noel
Best Guest: Seann
Best Runner: Rhod’s invisible bongos.


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