Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S06E03, or Hey, Tony, it’s only a bit of fun..

The third of three Colin-Ryan-Steve-Tony episodes this series, and the third of the five of them across the entire run. Dan Patterson and co kept using this arrangement because, well, it worked. All four are funny, especially together.

Questions Only: In an Army Recruitment Office

Steve: “Is this the Army Recruitment Office?”
Tony: “HAVEN’T YOU GOT EYES?”

Tony’s using this ridiculous, over-the-top characterization for this, which Clive eventually buzzes him out for. “I’m sorry, it’s just too high-pitched.”

Colin: “Can you climb that rope?”
Ryan: “D’you think that’s TOO HIGH FOR MEEE??”
Colin: “…is Cilla Black?”
Ryan: “…is Barry White?”

Ryan: “Can I come…RIGHT BEHIND YOU?”
Colin: “D’you think this is the Navy?”

Quick game, but excelled mostly by the Colin-Ryan quickfire round.

Film and Theatre Styles: Ryan and Colin (parachute jumper and instructor)

Right when they get the Dirty Dancing style, they start silly-like dancing up against each other.
Then, as Ryan goes on, Colin waves the sides of his hair around. Clive catches this and cracks up.
Colin: “My hair! Blowing in the wind!”
Clive: “I remember..”

Shakespeare
Ryan: “The sky…the sky beyond the door is BLUUUE…”
Colin: “Aye, it is blue.”
Ryan, with absolutely no idea where to take the scene, smirks while coming upstage.
Clive, buzzing: “That’s the worst Shakespeare I’ve ever heard.”
Ryan, playfully, does a brief ‘kiss my ass’ motion, though he knows Clive’s right.

Ryan, for Japanese Noh Theatre, does a full, physical motion of parachuting with a Japanese accent.
Colin, stealing an old Tony joke under the applause: “…No…”

Ghost film
Ryan: “Alright, I’m going to go, but…first, I’m gonna make a clay pot…”
Clive buzzes before Colin can even come over there, though he does make it over with some motions.

Very silly ending, but still a great F&TS scene, with enough great work from both performers to keep it going.

Clive: “Fifteen points there, with a contract for the Royal Shakespeare company to you…”
Ryan, mockingly: “The skyyyy is BLUUUUEE…”

Film Dub: Tony and Steve are angry about the state of the flat

Steve spends the first 30 seconds of the scene absolutely reaming out Tony
Tony: “Look, I just dropped a couple of tabs and I’m not sure where I am…”

Steve: “Look, my names on all the eggs in the fridge, every last one of them-”
Tony, finally agreeing to take the scene somewhere: “Look, we’ve been lovers for ten years now…don’t you think I love you even though I’m completely out of my head?”
Steve, taking a pause with the character: “……YES!”

Steve, as Tony gets up: “Are those your real legs, or somebody else’s?”
Tony: “…OH, THEY’RE *MINE!*”

Another great Film Dub scene, though not as good as the last one Steve and Tony did.

Song Titles: Steve, Ryan and Colin are in a garden center

Ryan: “NUMBER NINE…NUMBER NINE…”
Steve: “…all right now…”

Steve: “GET BACK!”
Ryan: “That’s the way, uh huh uh huh, I like it!”
Steve: “REMEMBER, you’re a womble!”

And then, restating the classic from last time:
Colin: “Where have all the flowers gone?”
Steve AND Ryan: “Oklahoma…”

Better than the last few, but still would improve once it was given the Questions Only treatment

Stand Sit Lie: Ryan, Colin and Tony in a POW Camp escape committee meeting

Ryan, first line of the game: “Annnnd that’s why the French don’t wash…”
This gets SEVERAL seconds of applause

Tony and Ryan treat this as a spectator sport of Don’t Let Colin Get The Table. Every time The table opens up, Colin needs to be blocked. One point, Colin’s about to lie down on it but Ryan, at the last second, blocks him by laying down upside down.

Tony: “QUICK, HERE COME THE DOGS, ACT NATURAL!”
Screen Shot 2018-02-18 at 1.50.57 PM.png

Then, at the last second, Colin SNEAKS ONTO THE TABLE FINALLY, when Ryan and Tony are distracted. The audience even applauds this.

Then, as Colin stands up and Ryan sits on the edge of the table, Tony has to knock over one of the stools in order to get onto the table.

Then, after a moment where Tony leaps onto the table in order to satisfy the title, Colin faints, and lies on the floor, while Ryan and Tony have to help.

Phenomenal game, with so much going on, and so many really funny moments.

Sound Effects: Colin is a cook at a fish restaurant, Ryan provides Sound Effects

Relatively solid game of SFX, with the highlights being Colin flipping a fish and it not landing, and then him scraping it off the ceiling, pouring some sauce on a fish, drinking from the bottle then spitting it onto the grill, then Ryan, in the midst of a fire, doing ambulance noises as the buzzer went off.

Props: Ryan and Colin vs. Tony and Steve

Screen Shot 2018-02-18 at 3.03.33 PM.png

Ryan: “You distract Gulliver, and I’ll slap on the cuffs…”

Tony, pulling the rubber prop up his hand: “Your first time through customs, eh?”

Solid round of props, with silly stuff coming from all directions.

Moving People: Ryan is being fitted for a suit by Colin

The first game to actually use audience members onstage, and the debut of an improv staple.

Screen Shot 2018-02-18 at 3.06.41 PM.png

Ryan: “I think these pants might be a little too large.”
Colin: “Are they? I wish I could help, but, uh, my arm’s broken.”

This also leads to the ‘wait until I do this motion, HERE I AM ABOUT TO DO THIS MOTION, AUDIENCE MEMBER’ sort of thing, where Colin says he’s going to point to his tie, and keeps saying this until the audience member gets the point.
Ryan: “I can see it right from here.”
Colin: “Okay, then I won’t point.”

Ryan, staring directly at Colin’s chest: “Tell me something. You’re not a hispanic man, are you?”
Colin: “Why don’t you look into my eyes.”
Ryan, as the audience member FINALLY moves his neck up: “Because I can’t-OH MY GOD.”

Colin, looking right down at Ryan’s crotch: “This is a very fine material.”
Ryan: “Thank you, it’s suede.”
Colin, his mind elsewhere: “It certainly is…”
Ryan, as nobody’s moving them: “…I COULD STAY LIKE THIS ALL DAY!”
BUZZZZ

Great game, as Ryan and Colin were already pros at prompting an audience, even if these particular members weren’t as receptive.

Party Quirks: Tony hosts
Steve: Mentions a body part in every sentence
Colin: experiencing too much gravity
Ryan: jockey in a race

Annnnnnd here we go…Tony is gonna have one hell of a time tonight…

Colin nails the physicality of the quirk immediately, landing on the floor within 5 seconds.

Then, as Ryan starts running around on the horse, the nervous laughter comes in from Tony. He’s already a bit overwhelmed, because he couldn’t guess people as they came in, and now all three are interacting, giving him some major anxiety.

Steve keeps trying to help him as Tony keeps getting wrong.
Steve: ‘You’re making a right tit of yourself…”

Tony guesses Ryan, but Steve asks which leg of the party we’re on.
Tony: “Ohhhhhhh…WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?”

Colin, who’s been silent for sometime, pounding across the stage: “WHERE’S YOUR BATHROOM!”
Tony breaks once again.

Tony guesses wrong again, and Clive buzzes in, exclaiming “IT’S THE WORST GAME OF PARTY QUIRKS EVER!!!”

Clive has to explain both the quirks to Tony, and after he explains Steve’s, which may have been the trickiest quirk anyone’s ever had to guess, Tony, immortally, yells “….OH, WELL FUCK OFF!
The entire place comes crashing down. Everyone’s in hysterics, including Clive.

Tony gets back to the seat, shaking his head, still a bit shaken. Ryan’s still laughing.
Clive: ‘Hey, Tony…it’s only a bit of fun!…Don’t take it seriously, it’s only your living…”

Clive: “Let’s go on…having robbed Tony of all his points he’d ever won in the game…for swearing on air…”
Tony’s still going over to Colin and going “What WERE you?”

Not a bad Party Quirks scene, but obviously a classic because of Tony’s exclamation, and of the way everyone reacted to it.

Helping Hands: Tony’s attending a barbecue held by Ryan (ft. Colin’s hands)

Tony asks for a lager right off the bat, so Ryan, ever the smartass, has Colin flail it around for a while until it’s all shaken.

Tony: “Ryan…I’ll have a sausage.”
Ryan: “Okay, then I’ll have a lager myself.”
The can spurts slightly, but enough to hit Ryan in the face a little.

After some cracker discourse, Ryan starts doing impressions with pickles, which is a very Ryan Stiles sort of set-up.

Ryan, realizing the jar’s on tight: “could you get this open for me?”
Tony, still emotionally fried, but still wanting to see Ryan suffer: “…no.”

Tony does eventually open the jar, as Ryan’s growing more and more manic, and Tony eventually spills the pickle juice all over the table.

Ryan, finally with the pickle: “My impression of…the channel.”
[spits out pickle]

A step up from last Helping Hands, solely because Tony, even after a catastrophic Party Quirks, was so great at screwing with Ryan in this game, as well as the pickle thing not going as well as planned.

Hoedown: Vasectomies 

Steve, still sucking at Hoedowns: “I went to the doctor, and he said to me…
WHAT YOU NEED IS A VAAAASECTOMY..
Gonna cut your balls off, and put em in a jar
[BREAKS] THEN HE TOOK HIS HEAD OFF and went ‘HA HA HA HA HA'”
At least this one landed mostly on the ground

Colin, going from the firefighting suggestion: “I fight fires in Germany, they really are the worst. I will now sing German, in my next verse.”
And, true to his word, Colin sings about an exploding mansion and rescue by trampoline, all in German. Clive loses it at this.

Ryan: “Everybody thinks that it’s a job that really stinks, but I save up all the spare parts and I make up cuff-links.”

Tony’s is dirty, but surprisingly the weakest of the four, despite an ending line about ‘shooting blanks’.

Overall: Third really solid show in a row, despite Tony having a mental breakdown in Party Quirks, and a bit of a boilerplate SFX game. Everything tonight was really nice, from physical games like Stand Sit Lie, to new games like Moving People, to games that have usually sucked this series like Hoedown and Film Dub. It was very much a Ryan and Colin show, as Steve was a bit underedited, and Tony was beginning to wane, though he did give some really good material throughout the night. Heading into a landmark, series-defining show, this one certainly wasn’t bad.

Show Winners: Ryan and Colin
Best Performer: Ryan, for giving Grade A material in his games, though Colin did come very close
Worst Performer: Steve Frost, who we didn’t see a ton of throughout the night, and got less showcases than a startled-but-still-funny Tony Slattery
Best Game: Stand Sit Lie over Moving People, for being ridiculously funny all the way through, and for Ryan and Tony’s plot to keep Colin away from the table.
Worst Game: Sound Effects.

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One thought on “Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S06E03, or Hey, Tony, it’s only a bit of fun..

  1. There’s a classic F&TS game with Tony & Steve that we’ll see in the second end-of-series compilation. “We found biscuits in the maggots!”

    In Helping Hands, Ryan does an impression of the Chunnel – it’s a horrible portmanteau of Channel Tunnel. Hate those words, like chillax and mansplaining. Charlie Brooker said it best – “Anyone who runs two words together is a funt.”

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