Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S06E10, or HE SHOOTS! HE SCORES!

The first of two compilations to end the strong and steady Series 6, this one seems to feature a general smattering of shows, and it looks to include pretty much everyone that participated in a show this series (whose name isn’t Chip Esten).

Film and Theatre Styles: Ryan and Colin (businessmen playing squash)
From E6

Clive, after a particularly raucous round of suggestions: “Biblical Comedy? Well, on the third day he fell over. What sort of…”

Ryan and Colin trying to do Ninja Turtles style is amusing, since neither has watched the cartoon, so they try playing squash AS turtles, just burrowing back into their shells. Clive giggles afterwards.
Clive: “…looks perfectly ordinary to me…”

Clive: “Agatha Christie.”
Ryan: “…where…is the ball?”
Colin: “My god, it rolled under that body!”

Ryan hands Colin the ball, saying something’s written in greek letters ‘and you read greek letters, don’t you?”
Colin, after several seconds of silence: “…it says ‘I’m a ball’.”

Film Noir
Colin: “…he was as tall as a post, and twice as thick…”

The film noir style is great, because Ryan and Colin just turn it into a game of narrate.
Colin: “I had nothing to say.”
Ryan: “/…he had nothing to say.”
Clive: “…well, we better move on then.”

Ryan and Colin in biblical epic style are so silly that Tony starts cracking up in the background, shielding his eyes.

Very fun game, though rather basic, still having more material than a lot of recent F&TS

News Report: A Nicaraguan broadcast of Adam and Eve: Greg and Ryan in the studio, Tony and Mike in the field
From: E4

A dispatch from the Neon Love Chicken episode. I find it odd that Ryan’s in the studio rather than Tony, but Mike and Ryan are both usually being interviewed, so I think it’s better that it’s Mike in this case.

Clive gives them ‘Nicaragewa’, “a spanish speaking country as I recall”
Greg: “Or as we say in the states, NicarA-gwa”
Clive: “Oh, do you?”
Greg: “Yes, we don’t pronounce every single letter.”
Clive smiles at this one.
Greg: “We’re having an embargo.”
Clive: “Let’s make it Cuban so you won’t get in it at all.”
Greg: “…and your name’s Cliv.”
Clive, with the comeback of the century: “…and yours is Wally over here, BUT ANYWAY…”
Greg, after the applause has died down: “HE SHOOTS HE SCOOORES!”

Sadly, due to the banter, we don’t get one of the world-famous ‘what are they doing in the studio as the music kicks in’ intros. Oh well.

Greg: “Good Evening. I’m Bulge Temptingly.”

Screen Shot 2018-03-10 at 1.47.35 AM

Greg names Ryan’s character Dr. Jose Offerman, which is the name of a major league baseball player who, at the time, was playing for the Los Angeles Dodgers, a cross-state rival of Greg’s hometown San Francisco Giants. I know none of you care about American sports. I’m just doing this for me.

Ryan, in a Spanish accent, starts going on and on about Eve’s private parts, even after Greg cuts him off with “I’d like to have you to go on, but I can’t.”
As Greg turns it over to Snack Whipley in the field, Ryan is still perseverating about Eve’s hips and body parts.

Tony and Mike have a good first bit, with Mike as the serpent, who “represents the Reptile Liberation Front down here in Nicaragua’. It works because both are doing accents as well as jerky motions, not especially staying still.

Tony, summing up: “So, that’s the latest- Adam and Eve made de sin because of a BIG LOVE SNAKE.”

Screen Shot 2018-03-10 at 1.53.47 AM

Ryan once again goes on about Eve’s body, and sexual details.
Greg: “I’d like to let you continue…but I’m bulging even as we speak.”
Even Clive enjoys this one.

Tony: “I am now with Eve, and she has quite a pair of hooters.”
Mike: “I’d like to say that they were made by God, but I got some help from Frederick’s of Van Nuys…”

Then, as Greg asks Ryan for a final thought…AGAIN, HE GOES ON ABOUT EVE’S LOOKS. It’s the kind of runner that actually doesn’t wear itself out.

An incredibly funny News Report. I think the only reason this didn’t make it to air is the fact that it was literally one big sex joke, from top to bottom. It’s still insanely funny, and with great work from everyone, but I don’t think this would have passed through the censors easily.

Superheroes: Trapped in the fridge
Colin: Rubber Band Boy
Ryan: Mesmerized by Arm Movement Man
Tony: Suicide Guy
Steve: Laughing Nymphomaniac Woman
From: E3

After a few seconds of Colin yelling for help, Ryan opens the fridge, grabs a beer, and closes it.

Tony has a moment’s lapse and forgets he’s supposed to name Steve (which is probably why this didn’t make the episode. Steve has to point to himself, smiling, for Tony to finally get it.

And then Steve, as Laughing Nymphomaniac Woman, starts laughing and humping Tony, which is why this one DEFINITELY didn’t make the episode.

Clive has to end the game before everyone leaves because Steve’s been humping everyone while Colin solves the problem himself. This was a very messy, very short, very crazy Superheroes, which almost failed completely…hence the comp space.

Remote Control: Chicken Rearing
Josie: Coronation Street
Rory: Question Time
Tony: GMTV
Mike: The Muppet Show
From: E7

A very S2-era game, with some very S2-era panelists. How fitting.

Tony, hearing what he’s supposed to be doing in this game, mimes wanting to puke.

Tony: “But now it’s off to Mr. Motivator who’s got a chicken at the front of his lycra tights!”

Josie, after doing a back and forth conversation about courting a chicken, chuckles and goes, under her breath, “I can’t do this…”

Rory screws up by doing a character from Corry rather than someone from Question Time, and doesn’t realize it until he’s already done the joke, backing off embarrassedly.

Rory, finally back on the right channel: ‘So remember…don’t be a chicken for the next few weeks. Be a chicken for the rest of your life, by voting liberal democrat.”

An odd game, with Mike getting a short-end edit, Josie losing it, Rory screwing up, and Tony surprisingly keeping things afloat.

Song Styles: Mike sings a grunge song about coal
From: E7

Clive: “Are you up to date on grunge?”
Mike: “GRUNGE?”
Clive: “You’re dressed for it…”

This is the closest we’re ever gonna get to a Nine Inch Nails song on Whose Line, as Richard’s grimy guitar and Mike’s calm yet edgy voice is very reminiscent of something Trent Reznor would produce and Greg would wear a shirt of.

Mike even gets RIGHT UP TO THE CAMERA singing the chorus, which cracks up the back panel, as well as getting some applause from the audience.

A REALLY NICE song, made great by Mike’s energy and surprising knowledge of the style.

Questions Only: Greg, Josie, Mike and Ryan are at circus auditions
From: E2

Clive immediately buzzes Mike out on grounds of doing ‘basically a statement’. Josie’s even surprised as to how strict he is.

Greg: “Why can’t you just do your audition?”
Ryan: “Is…Ted Danson….?”

Ryan: “Can you put it in the bank?”
Greg: “Is there another way?”
Ryan: “D’you know my wife?”

Fun game, but very haphazard and with a lot of strict buzzing on Clive’s part.

Scene to Music: Steve sends his son Tony to get some washing powder
From: E3

Ohhhhhh my. Ohh, we’ve gotten to this game.

Tony, right off the bat: “We’ve run out of buxton mineral water!”
After this, Steve adopts a north country accent, so Tony amusingly gives his character the accent too, despite not having one in the first line.

After some babbling, the heavenly music kicks in, which changes both performers’ moods entirely.
Steve: “…BECAUSE…we need some POW-DAH…”
Tony, kneeling: “We need powder with power that cannot be found on earth.”

They go about this holier-than-thou dialogue about how white it must be, with Tony as the simpleton son, and I swear to God it’s like this was something out of a sketch comedy show. It’s like this was written. It’s timed PERFECTLY.

Tony gets up, as his knees get tired, and he’s about to say something silly about it when Steve goes “and he must go unto Nazareth.”
Tony: “Where?”
Steve: “Nazareth.”
Tony: “Is that near Stockport?”
Steve: “Yes.”

Tony: “And what will I find when I get there, father? Will it be WHIIITE? Will it be FLUUFAAAY? Will it be PEOPLE PLAYING ON CLOUDS?”
Steve: “Follow the supermarket neon light.”
Tony, amusingly.” “OOOH.”
[Tony cracks up at that]

Tony: “But will it wash my sins away as well as my underpants?”
Tony struggles to keep composure, as Colin and Ryan are cracking up in the back.
Tony, at the verge of laughter: “You’ve…you’ve turned into Richard Burton!”
Steve, gone: “YES!”
Tony: “HIIIIII!”
Steve: “GO!”
Tony, mood shift: “…Alright, don’t shout!”
Steve: “Before it is too late, and my clothes become smitten with smut.”
Tony, attempting to pick up the serious tone again: “I will come back…and if not…then [breaks]…then you won’t see me!”

Uh…that may be one of the funniest games in the show’s history, solely because of how 100% into it Steve Frost was, even to the point where he was struggling to keep Tony in it with him. Tony was trying SO HARD not to crack, and he had no choice after a while. But it’s just really funny. In its crux, it feels like a Monty Python sketch. Well done to both performers.

Film Dub: Ryan talks to telephone sex line addict Steve
From: E5

This isn’t a very good one, even if Ryan does more of his sex talking from News Report. It’s just very stop-start, and it’s not really a terribly funny scene, as much as they try. I honestly blame the scene description.

Helping Hands: Ryan (ft. Colin’s hands) interrogates police suspect Tony
From: E1

Ryan’s first move is to try and take pictures of Tony, but the camera won’t work. So Colin turns it around so that when Ryan inspects it, the light would be right in his eyes if it did go off. Thankfully Ryan catches this.
Ryan: “Why don’t you take that yourself?”
Tony: “…I can’t…”

Then, Ryan prompts Colin to put the hat on his head, which he does, and:
Screen Shot 2018-03-10 at 12.25.51 PM

Then, as Tony’s about to say something, the camera RANDOMLY GOES OFF, leaving Tony to turn, absolutely bewildered, towards it. Clive belly-laughs at that.

Tony, grabbing the gun off the table: “NOW WHO’S IN CHARGE, MISTER COP???”
Ryan, grabbing the gun out of Tony’s hand: “…ME!”

Then, Ryan has to get himself some coffee while nearly spilling over the coffee container, and struggling to grab a cup at the other end of the table.

Then, as Tony grabs the gun again, Ryan takes a sip of the ‘really hot coffee’, which is also not the best decision, as it’s still very hot.

Then, finally, Ryan distracts Tony with the donut, so Tony puts down the gun, and Ryan goes ‘HA-HA’…then Colin has to figure out which of the things on the table is the gun. He picks up several things first, as well as tipping the coffee container over, before FINALLY grabbing the gun and ending the game.

A really funny Helping Hands round, one of the few from this Compilation that actually worked all the way through, or wasn’t too dirty for television. Just some great stuff, and better than most of the HH playings this series.

Stand Sit Lean: Ryan, Tony and Greg are cowboys on the range
From: E4

Surprisingly without a table for this playing, with the usual two stools instead.

Greg, bending over with his ass to the audience: “How are my fans in sector R?”
He then turns towards the back corner of the audience, getting some applause from them.
Clive: “…that was sector R, was it?”
Greg: “Yes, babe, doesn’t- nevermind, we don’t really have time.”
Clive: “Always time for you…in that position…”
Screen Shot 2018-03-10 at 12.33.31 PM.png

This is a particularly silly, haphazard version of the game, with a lot of ‘wait, we should probably change positions’ moments, leading to Ryan leaning on Greg or Tony a lot. I think these guys were getting used to having the table, too.

Then Tony goes and leans on Greg’s legs, which he can’t do without cracking up.

Silly enough, and a good enough ender for the compilation.

A few overall notes: You’ll notice that a lot of these games feature some Greg-Clive banter that didn’t make it into the show. Mostly from Episode 4, which ALREADY featured some Clive slamming from Mike and Greg. Hell, the ones that were left out of E4 may have helped buttress the already-strong show, especially News Report. There were also a lot of really racy and sex-themed games that Dan didn’t want to go out during regulation, as well as a lot of games that quite frankly didn’t have great improv. Still, we managed to get News Report, Song Styles, Scene to Music and Helping Hands out of this show, so I think they did something right.

Best Performer: Greg Proops, edging out Ryan for having a few more biting moments, as well as taking on Clive for most of the games on here.
Worst Performer: Rory Bremner by default, for screwing up in his only game of the night.
Best Game: Scene to Music. An easy favorite, but it’s just really damned good.
Worst Game: Film Dub


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