Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S06E11, or I can’t describe what I just saw

The last episode of Series 6, and the last compilation. This has the same assortment of cast members as E10, only swap out Rory Bremner for Chip Esten.

Scenes from a Hat: Ryan, Colin, Steve and Tony
From: E6

The last ever broadcast SFAH game until Drew Carey would revive it.

Clive: “Worrying things to be given on a plane.”
Tony: “Hi. Here’s the engine.”
Steve: [dramatic double take]
Ryan, under the applause: “Always double takes. Ohhhhh we’re killin’ tonight…”

Clive: “Life’s big disappointments.”
Steve: “…oh so YOU’RE Tony Slattery…”
Tony: [rolls up sleeves]
Clive: “…well, he’s no more disappointing in real life than he is on the telly…”
Tony: “shut it…”

Clive: “Faux pas at a christening”
Tony: “I name this child Satan- STAN! STAN!”
I always loved that one

Film and Theatre Styles: Steve leads a mutiny on Tony’s ship
From: E3

The first part of the scene is hilarious simply because Steve is doing this half-pirate-half-north-country voice, and Tony’s just doing it in his normal voice. The contrast is already selling it.

Steve: “It’s all those frills you had us put on the sails. We didn’t like them!”
Tony: “..Why not?”
Steve: “Well it sorta slows us down ’round the Cape of Good OOOAAAUURRRHHH.”
Tony: “…Cape of Good What?”
Steve: “YOU HEARD, CAP’N, YOU KNOW!”
Tony: “You’ve been lucky…”
Steve: “THEY DON’T CALL YOU CAPTAIN HORNBLOWER FOR NOTHIN”
Tony: “You swab the bloody decks.”
Steve, confusedly: “…WE’VE FOUND BISCUITS IN THE MAGGOTS!”
Tony: “…I know.”
Tony then looks at Steve with the weirdest possible expression, and both of them struggle to keep it together.
Steve: “THAT AIN’T RIGHT! THAT AIN’T RIGHT AT ALL!”
Tony: “Which county d’you come from, it’s changing….moment to moment.”

Clive: “…I hardly like to interrupt…”
Steve and Tony crack again
Clive: “…but I don’t think I need to change much…”

Clive: “Medieval Mystery Play”
Tony: “Where’s the crew? …I dunno, it’s a mystery.”

Steve goes into a monologue, then mentions ‘if the lord is to be graced in this year of 12 and 22’, and Tony kneels and does sign of the cross, which Steve awkwardly follows…and then seconds later Tony does it again, followed by Steve.

Steve: “The men shall surely take prayer and throw you overboard as you cast adrift.”
Tony: “….bitch.”
BUZZZZZ
Steve, cracking: “THAT’S NOT MEDIEVAL…”
Clive: “Clearly you’ve never seen a medieval mystery play…”

For Hammer Horror, Steve pukes over the side of the boat…only for the puke to go and attack them.

They end on a combination of Jacobean tragedy and Carry On film, which Tony is able to recreate well, though it’s not as memorable as the rest of the scene.

Still, to that point, a RIDICULOUSLY FUNNY scene, going very off-the-rails in only the best possible ways.

Whose Line: Colin and Ryan discuss pre-wedding nerves
E3

Colin: “Well, it’s your pre-wedding, that’s why you’re nervous. If it was after wedding, it’d be post-wedding-”
Ryan: “LOOK…”

Ryan: “I just don’t know if Rebecca’s the right girl.”
Colin: “Well, she’s a bit of a tramp…”
Ryan: “COME ON, MAN…That’s not what I want to hear from you!”
Colin: “Well, I’m sorry, but she’s had more hands up her than the Muppets!”
Not only am I gone here, but Ryan nearly loses it for a moment.

Ryan’s vows are “Rebecca I love you, stay with me always….’on the whole, I prefer a dog.'”
After the laughter, Ryan somehow gets away with the line “OR AT LEAST THAT STYLE, D’YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN???”

Colin: “Oh, how about this. “Rebecca, Rebecca, I love you so much….’can you smell something burning?'”

Colin, helping Ryan go through with it: “Remember the first…date ya had? All those many years ago?”
Ryan: “You were there in the backseat, I remember that…”
Colin: “…well, I had the video camera.”
Ryan: “YOU WOULDN’T SHUT UP! Over and over again, you yellin’ out…”
Colin: “Well, I hope it’s on the wedding cake. Remember, I used to yell…’does it usually throb like that'”
IMMEDIATELY RYAN REACTS, struggling to keep it in. Clive’s even cracking up as he ends the game.

A really nice, very cute Ryan-Colin Whose Line. On par with some of the ones this season.

Song Titles: Steve, Josie, Ryan and Tony are on a boat
From: E5

Josie: “…we are sailing.”
Steve: ‘I WAS GONNA DO THAT ONE!”
Clive: “…I was gonna do that one, is that a song title?”

A very silly scene, one that got a bit more frenzied as more people came in. Proves that this game is better the less people there are in it.

Foreign Film Dub: The Italian film Farewell My Porcupine, starring Ryan and Tony, translated by Colin and Steve
E1

Tony, not leaving anything to the imagination: “E un pico enorme.”
Steve, subverting: “…it’s got a lot of pricks.”
Colin: “And so does my porcupine.”

Tony: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
Steve, master of playing with length in this game: “Ho.”

Ryan does a line that vaguely resembles Swedish, which he follows, cracking, with “I don’t know.”
Colin: “I found this porcupine in Sweden where I studied for a long time.”

Then, Ryan says a very long, exaggerated sentence, which Colin translates as ‘you’re right’. Already this game’s top joke strategies were being illuminated.

The humor in this scene does come from Tony and Ryan’s inability to keep these accents on- Tony keeps dropping other words like ‘Pizza’ and ‘the chef from the Muppets’, and Ryan’s italian keeps shifting into swedish. After a while, the translation takes a backseat to the accent wars at hand.

The game ends with Colin translating a long Ryan sentence as ‘HUH’, and Clive putting the game out of its misery. Very funny, but, like a lot of Comp 1’s games, succeeds due to breaking improv rules.

Song Styles: Josie sings a lounge jazz ballad about a mop
From: E2

Josie immediately laughs at the specificity of the particular style.

Very cute song, though nothing that really stands out above the barrage of Josie songs throughout the years.

Props: Greg and Tony vs. Ryan and Chip
From: E8

AT LAST, CHIP ESTEN LIVES!

I have to say that Tony and Greg had the more creative ideas, like Tony simulating an acid trip, or Greg delivering pizza on a stick. I feel like Ryan and Chip didn’t have as many good ideas.

Film Trailer: REVENGE OF THE SHEEP-SHEARER! Greg narrates, Tony, Colin and Ryan act out.
From: E9

(Oh dear. This one.)

Clive: “So, can somebody suggest an imaginary film title?”
A very meek-sounding audience member: “sheep cutting.”
Clive: “….sheep CUTTING?”
[I always found something very odd about that exchange]

Clive presents the idea to the group as ‘Revenge of the Sheep Shearer.’
Greg: “THAT’S NOT WHAT *HE* SAID!”
Clive: “I know, but I’m turning it into a film title! Don’t quibble!”
Greg, smirking: “I shan’t quibble Mr. Anderson. Pray, let us move on. Comedy awaits!”
Screen Shot 2018-03-12 at 9.33.24 PM

Clive: “…it’s been awaiting for some time, Greg…”

Right before the music starts, Greg looks like he’s about to say something else to Clive, but instead goes right into the trailer intro: “FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU SHEEP CUTTING, IT’S REVENGE OF THE SHEEP SHEARER!”

The visual of Ryan picking up a sheep and biting its testicles off is one of the more grotesque yet inspired visuals the show’s ever seen.

Greg: “He was a fascistic Spanish colonel who would get his way no matter what.”
Colin: “…I want my way…”

Greg: “See the thrilling chase through the mountains with daisy the wonder-sheep.”
Ryan, onstage and without a choice: “…baaaah, baaaah…”
AND THEN THE OTHER RYAN CHARACTER BITES THE TESTICLES OFF IT

So, and this is a pretty nice point- by the time Greg’s announcing the actors, the scene’s been fucked up. Ryan comes down for Colin’s part, and realizes the error immediately, yet they keep going. So they all know this game probably isn’t gonna make it to air because of the little faux pas. Nevertheless, they persevere:

Greg: “CARL NIBBLEY AS VERONICA. HEAR HER HEAVE, FRETFULLY…”
Tony, genuine: “…I’ve split my pants, look!”
Screen Shot 2018-03-12 at 9.39.15 PM.png

Then, when Colin does his line [“man, this sheep’s oughta hit the fan”], Tony exposes the rip again, scaring the audience and keeping Ryan on edge.

Right when the scene ends, Ryan immediately goes to Tony ‘did you really split your pants’. Tony, of course, shows him the hole. Then, as he’s back at the seat, he’s still figuring out a way to work with it.

Clive: “Tony, you deliberately split your trousers there to get some cheap laughs-”
Tony: “I DID NOT!”
Clive: “And you get double points for that, well done.”

This Film Trailer game was…very haphazard, and close to being a failure until Tony noticed the hole in his pants. Other than the banter and ‘I want my way’, it was listless to that point, so thank god for the rip in the trousers.

The ‘game’ doesn’t even end there- Colin and Ryan go upstage for Moving People, as Tony stays back at the seats. While Clive’s explaining the game, Tony tries fixing things.
Clive: “…leave yourself alone, Tony…”
Tony: “IT’S BAAAD!”
Clive: “Time enough for that later.”

As Clive continues to explain, Tony stands up and readjusts.
Greg, seeing WAY MORE THAN HE INTENDED TO: “OH JESUS! JEEEESUS!”
Ryan: [runs away panicking]
HELL, RICHARD VRANCH EVEN GOES IN FOR A LOOK! THIS IS HYSTERICAL.
Greg: “I can’t describe what I just saw.”

Extra Bits:

  • An excerpt, or rather the first half, of an unaired game of News Report from E9, with Greg and Tony in the studio reporting on David and Goliath in Bolivia. Greg’s reporter name is ‘Deliciously Huge’, which makes Tony smile.
    Tony presents David and Goliath’s vacation photos, which makes Greg exclaim ‘GOOD GOD! HE’S NOT AS SMALL AS HE LOOKS, IS HE DOCTOR?”
    Colin, as the camera cuts to him, is explaining to Ryan “and then you sautĂ© the carrots, and then OH!”
    Hell, the round ends with David whipping out his gigantic penis, so while it’s sad that we never see the second half of this…I can only imagine it was just as blue.
  • Funeral from E3, for John the Trainspotter.
    “JOOOHHHHN WAAAAAS SPOOOOTTTTING TRAAAAAINS THAAAAT DAAAY…
    THEEEEEN AAAAA LOOOOOOCOOOOOMOOOOOOTIIIIIIIVE CAAAAAME AAAALOOOONNGGG…
    IIIIIIIIIT WAAAASN’T”
    Then Colin, without any options, falls ill.
  • A Film and Theatre Styles round from E4, where Clive’s getting audience suggestions. He asks for a ‘real wacky one’. Someone shouts out Zig and Zag.
    Screen Shot 2018-03-12 at 9.52.33 PM.pngScreen Shot 2018-03-12 at 9.52.46 PM.png
    Then Tony rushes up to the camera, angrily, yelling “IIII DOOOOOON’T KNOOOOW ITTTT!!!!!”
    Clive: “Whooooa, whoaa…that’s premature improvisation…”
  • Ryan goes up for a World’s Worst round in E3, and immediately expects to get buzzed. He doesn’t and Clive keeps making him go on with this suggestion, both knowing it’s not funny, until Ryan can barely breathe anymore. Ryan just does this pseudo-Channing voice about how these trees look like two women’s legs ‘spead wiiiiiide open’. FINALLY Clive does buzz, prompting a ‘thank you’ from Ryan.
  • Clive: “We go onto a game called old kno- new….”
    The panel: [cracks]
    Clive: “Old job new job was what I was trying to say…”
    Tony: “What was the first one that you said, then?”
    Clive: “It could have been Old Knob New Knob, I think…I was just thinking of my appointment tomorrow.”
  • A Party Quirks game from E3…that DIDN’T end in disaster for Tony, but one where Steve was a dodgems operator, and kept mounting and groping Tony as he went around.
  • A Foreign Film Dub Round from E5, with this classic moment. Ryan, for Josie, gives this whole, verbose monologue about wanting Tony like no one else has ever been wanted, going on for around 30 seconds [from Josie just saying a few words]. Tony’s just patiently waiting for the translation to end.
    Tony: “…okay.”
    Steve, translating: “PARDON?”

Hoedown: Greg, Mike, Ryan and Tony sing about Scuba Diving
From: E4

Clive: “Have you assembled yourself in the correct order for this particular game?”
Greg: “Yes we have, Mr. Anderson.”
Mike: “AND WE’RE NOT KEEN TO DO IT, SIR!”

You can tell this was supposed to be the last in the E4 taping, not only because everyone seems really tired, but also because Greg mentions an inflatable pig in his verse, which means this had to come after Bartender in the schedule, putting this after the last game of the original episode. So man, they must be fried.

Ryan ends his rather crafty verse with ‘where the hell when you need him is David Hasselhoff’, which certainly dates this taping.

A pretty okay Hoedown, though you could tell the best stuff had been spent earlier in the show, and none of them wanted to do this game…like, more than usual.

In terms of this compilation:
Best Performer: Greg Proops yet again, for narrowly edging out Colin for most ‘won’ games.
Worst Performer: Sadly Chip Esten for not contributing a great deal.
Best Game: Whose Line. Insanely funny all the way through, and a little more consistent than Film and Theatre Styles
Worst Game: Props.

SERIES 6 SUPERLATIVES (be prepared for a ton of writing as I loved this series):

Best Episode: Episode 6, with the immortal Ryan-Colin-Steve-Tony matchup, featuring some goldmine games of Whose Line, Stand Sit Lie and Old Job New Job, the beginning of the working Colin-Ryan SFX model, and Colin’s first ‘pulling a Colin’ in a Hoedown. Fantastic stuff all around.
2nd Best Episode: Episode 9, with a truly ferocious Questions Only game, a landmark World’s Worst, Ryan as a firework display, a ton of Clive slams from Greg, and some of the most insane energy going through the whole show.
3rd Best Episode: Episode 4. Don’t mess with the neon love chicken. That aside, there was one of the most infamous Superheroes rounds at the time, with Greg and Clive nearly sparring for suggestions, a very silly Film Dub, Mike having fun with Song Styles, just some great work from Mike and Greg all around right up until that fateful game of Bartender.
Worst Episode: Episode 8. Okay in a season of greats. Chip Esten was woefully underused, and Tony Slattery was woefully blissed out, leaving Ryan and Greg to try and hold the show up.
Best Regular: Ryan Stiles, for showing more mental stability than his counterpart Tony Slattery, and also for having great moments while knowing when to NOT dominate shows.
Best Recurring Guest: Greg Proops, for stepping up in a bigger way than S5 in quarreling with Clive and boosting his material tenfold. This was a looser, funnier Greg than we’ve seen, and one that the producers would bank on several times over the next few seasons.
Best Unlikely Duo: Tony Slattery and Steve Frost. This pairing SOARED in this season, as putting a blue comic with a northern clean comic was an excellent decision- so many great Steve and Tony games this year…which were mostly relegated to the fucking compilations, BUT NEVERTHELESS.
Performer We Wish Wasn’t Done After This Series: Chip Esten. And I also wish the producers had given him more airtime as well.
Best Runner: Neon Love Chicken, E4. Narrowly edging out Tony’s horrid jacket from E8. Just funny all the way through.

That was a fantastic series. I mean it. Now we go onto S7 and lose two of the best improvisers on the show to some controversy. Fun fun fun.

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