Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S07E11, or but then…I’m Just a Canadian…

Fuck it, I loved that episode so much that I’m going right to the compilation, especially considering that this is a rather good comp.

Also, note that everybody who appeared in an episode this series, even Niall Ashdown, is represented tonight…..except for Eddie Izzard.

Film and Theatre Styles: Colin and Ryan (Two Lumberjacks arguing)
From: E4

Clive mentions the ‘arguing over something’ bit: “…Ryan’s shirt, for one thing…”

Colin: “I’ll do it by MYSELF, I’m part beaver, anyway…”
Ryan: [looks behind Colin]

Clive: “Hugh Grant”
Ryan: “…there’s, uh, good things and there’s bad things. I guess I just did a bad thing…”
This, needless to say, is exactly what the audience was hoping to hear.
Clive: “Let’s leave it there…which I think is what he said to the officer…”

It’s even funnier when two North Americans have to do Carry On film.
Colin, going with the only thing he knows from a Carry On film: “ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK!”
Colin looks at Ryan to say something. He shrugs, motioning ‘do I look like I have a fucking clue what that is?’
Ryan: “…right…”
Colin: “PENIS REFERENCE! ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK!”
Ryan: “Oy, that tree’s got big tits, innit?”
BUZZ
Ryan’s shaking his head, and Colin’s facepalming away from the camera.

A very silly scene, but not without its highlights, like a Hugh Grant joke and Ryan having no idea what the Carry On films are.

Questions Only: Caroline, Ryan, Colin and Josie are at a nudist camp
From: E9

Caroline, immediately: “Is that a penis?”
Colin: “…doesn’t it look like one?”

Ryan, taking Caroline’s place: “…are you Jewish?”

Josie, pointing: “Does that upset you?”
Ryan: “Does it excite YOU?”
Josie, chuckling: “What do YOU think?”

Ryan has a nice streak, but it ends as the game does. Pretty inoffensive one, but still funny enough.

Bartender: Mike
Ryan: in love with his television set
From: E2

Well, for some reason, Greg and Tony’s verses aren’t here, so we just have Ryan’s.

Ryan, quite smartly, sings about ‘getting caught having unprotected sex with my tv’, which is a great twist. And, “before I knew it, I was yanking on his big TV love cable.”

Mike has a really cool extended response verse, which does make me a bit sad he won’t be this excited to be on the show after these comps.

Scene to Music: Ryan and Steve are Jehovah’s witnesses calling at a house
From: E3

Steve: “Listen, when we knock on the door-”
Ryan: “And who’s knocking?”
Steve: “…Jesus is always knocking…”

The music, a courtroom theme, kicks in. Ryan and Steve treat it like a Mission Impossible type theme, and it definitely works. Hell, this could even be a prototype version of Improbable Mission.

The scene ends with Steve and Ryan getting to the customer, with bibles as guns, and Steve yelling “HI…HAVE YOU HEARD THE GOOD NEWS???”

Just silly enough, which seems to be the theme of this show.

Whose Line: Ryan is a gang boss confronting Colin, who betrayed him
From: E6

Colin immediately goes into a stereotypical gangster voice. Ryan tells Colin to shut up.

There’s actually some really good acting here between the two, and it’s definitely well-suited to a lot of the gangster movies of the day.

Colin: “Remember…remember what SHAKESPEARE once said…’wait til you see what I’ve got in my pants.”

A bit lighter than most WL games, but still funny enough, and with some good acting.

World’s Worst: Show Business Routine (Greg, Niall, Ryan and Colin)
From E1

Clive: “…you can do your own one, Greg, if you’d like…”
Greg: “SEE HOW THIN THE LAUGHS WERE ON THAT, CLIVE?”

Greg, with the payback: “Hello, we’re microscopic explorers on Clive Anderson’s head.”
BUZZ
Greg: “We’re looking for hair follicles.”
BUZZ
Greg: “No luck so far-”
Clive, knowing where he’s going: “..yeah..”
Greg: “But we’ll be back in an hour…”

Ryan: “….A. Apple. B. Brontosaurus. C. Cookie. D. Dicky. E. Elephant.”
Then, as he knows exactly where he’s about to go with the next letter, he looks directly at Clive to try and get him out of it.
Ryan: “F…”
BUZZ
Ryan, under his breath: “…fuck…”

Greg: “Hello, I’m Sylvester Stallone, I’d like to read a soliloquy from Hamlet by William Shakespeare…”

Ryan, swallowing all of these objects: “A little flour…some eggs…some sugar…BLEH! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOU…”
The audience recoils, but I love this one.

A strange WW, with some out-of-the-box ones from Ryan

Props: Colin and Ryan vs. Steve and Tony
From E3

Screen Shot 2018-04-23 at 12.48.35 PM.pngTony: “Well, Mr. Johnson, your sperm count’s very low, BUT THE ONE YOU’VE GOT IS JUST…”

A fairly basic round. Ryan and Colin were doing easy ones, while Tony and Steve’s were more hit-miss.

Narrate: Colin and Ryan are in a laundromat
From: E6

Clive does his usual ‘do you have a laundromat in America’ type thing, settling on ‘wherever you do your washing.”
Ryan, caveman voice: “Oh, stream! We call STREAM. ON ROCKS, WE BEAT ON ROCKS, IT STREAM.”

Colin: “…he had legs like a stork…and a brain to match.”

Ryan’s first great improv move is, mid-monologue, getting into the dryer, then bobbing around in the dryer for a bit. Genius.

Ryan announces he’s missing a sock, which he probably wanted to lead to an ‘up my ass’ type of joke, but…Colin makes sure it leads somewhere stranger.
Colin: “It was then I noticed the bulge…and then I thought, ‘I wonder where his sock went’.

Colin: “…I didn’t notice the tank until he opened the door. It was a tank! How could you not notice that? Boy…weird, huh?”

Ryan, not even trying to rationalize: “…pretty weird I got a tank in here, huh?”
Colin: “That’s what I thought…but then…[cracks] I’m just a Canadian.”

Then, as Ryan cracks up, Colin, as his next inner monologue, gets into the tank, and comes upstage, not saying anything, but driving the tank around. Clive buzzes, so both can collapse into laughter.

Just a damned funny scene, with nothing going according to plan, but in the best way possible.

EXTRA BITS: 

  • A sound effects playing from E9, where Colin’s driving a car. It suddenly completely runs out of gas. Then, of course, he gets out of the car and it drives off by itself, which is an insanely creative choice by Ryan. Colin has to run after it.
  • They also keep cutting back to a props round from E4, with Ryan and Colin and a big, cornucopia like thing.
    Colin, scooping into the giant cone: “How many scoops?”
    Ryan, stonefaced: “Five hundred.”
  • A F&TS round from E4, where Tony and Caroline do a Thunderbirds scene, which leads to some hands going out of control, and a Tony hand landing on Caroline’s boob. Caroline, unlike Josie, responds by grabbing Tony’s crotch to end the scene.
  • A Hey You Down There round from E1, where Greg narrates Ryan and Colin trying to barbecue. Greg’s HYDT voice is one of my favorites.
    Greg: “THAT’S NOT LIGHTER FLUID, THAT’S GASOLINE. BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU LIGHT THAT!”
    Boom!
  • A round of Picture from…either E2, E5 or E6, as it’s Tony and Mike. Mike’s lying behind Tony, and Tony has a nice gag with “…what’s that poking in the back of my ‘ead?”
  • The Gambling Hoedown, from E6. Colin’s verse, which is classic:
    “I entered the lottery, I bought myself a ticket.
    Watched all the numbers, I saw the people pick it.
    And now I’m very rich…”
    And then his Hoedown voice drops, he stops, and just says, point blank: “Hey, I don’t have to SING. I don’t have to do this. I’M RICH. I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!”
    And with that, he runs around the stage happily, as Tony and Ryan crack.
  • A F&TS round from E3, with Tony and Steve doing a very intense scene from Eastenders, complete with an ‘I SAAAAAID…LEAVE IT.’
  • Back to Hey You Down There
    Greg: “You’re gonna have to use a shovel to get that goat off. Uh oh, it’s stuck to the grill. [And, in a line that cracks me up in how Greg says it] BETTAH GET THE GOAT SCRAPAH!”
    Ryan gets a chainsaw, and shears the goat off, which backfires and hits Colin’s crotch area. Colin leafs around looking for where it went. Ryan picks something up, shrugs, and throws it aside.
  • Screen Shot 2018-04-23 at 1.07.57 PM.pngColin stands there for like 5 seconds without an idea, then he gets one.
    Colin: “….today on Donahue, Anorexic Witches!”

Old Job New Job: Colin and Caroline try to buy a car from Ryan, who used to be a NYC cop
From: E9

Caroline: “…what d’you think?”
Colin: “…it’s a car.”

Ryan, effortlessly mixing both: “UP AGAINST THE CAR, UP AGAINST THE CAR…how’s that feel to ya?”

It’s actually genius- Ryan uses angry cop tactics in order to give them a full car salesman pitch. For some reason this works really well.

There’s this great running gag about Colin being a former ballet dancer, so when Ryan commands him to get on the ground, he does a full flourish beforehand.

Not a ton to it, but mechanically really impressive.

Stand Sit Bend: Ryan, Colin and Tony are in a fortress being attacked by indians
From: E6

Colin: “Let me get that arrow out of your back.”
Ryan, who’s bending, appreciates this rationalization
Tony: “Wait, let’s see if there’s a message attached….’you’re dead.”
All three: “HMMMM…”

Compared to other recent SSLs, there’s not a lot to this one, except for a moment where Colin and Ryan compete to sit down, which cracks Ryan up.

This scene does get going when Ryan does a motion that involves him standing, then bending, then standing, so that the other two have to react to his ever-shifting rationale.

Colin, as Ryan and Tony have an argument while alternating standing and sitting, just leans over and starts shooting people, though he keeps looking back to see if anybody’s letting him stand again.

There are a ton of funny moments in here towards the end, culminating in someone else shooting Colin an arrow to the head.
Ryan: “Wait, there’s another note attached…oh, sorry it’s just your brain.”

A bit less coherent than the last few iterations of this, but still funny.

Hoedown: Ryan, Colin, Caroline and Tony- Biting Nails
From: E4

Not a ton going on here, sad to say, other than a line from Ryan about “now I’m nibblin’ on my wrist”, and some general Tony foolishness.

Best Performer: Ryan Stiles, as per usual this series
Worst Performer: Niall Ashdown, for only doing one joke, and for it not being a successful one.
Best Game: Narrate. Just really, REALLY good, and capable of withstanding its own weirdness.
Worst Game: Hoedown. Ho-hum.

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