Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S08E10, or IT SMELLS LIKE BERNARD!

After a hiatus, here’s the last episode of S8 in regulation, before repeat tapings and compilations. Here, we have the combination of Steve Frost and Josie Lawrence, sure to be a nice one, alongside Colin and Ryan.

Questions Only: Red Alert on a Space Station

Ryan has a great faux pas to start the game. He goes over to his usual right-side step, only to realize that they want him on the other step, so he makes a big stride in the other direction, just as Steve is heading to that step. They meet in the middle, and attempt to get around each other.

Screen Shot 2018-06-21 at 4.36.40 PM.pngScreen Shot 2018-06-21 at 4.36.50 PM.png
Screen Shot 2018-06-21 at 4.37.17 PM.png

Ryan and Steve are still laughing as the scene gets underway

Josie, cutting off Clive still explaining: “WAS THAT THE RED ALERT -oh, sorry…”
Clive: “No, you’ve beaten ME out there…”

Ryan: “What’s with the green thing coming out of your chest?”
Colin: “Didn’t you get one?”
Ryan: “They were handing them out?”
Colin: [leaves]

Steve, pointing towards Ryan’s crotch area: “Is that a cling-on?”
[HA!]
Ryan: “…you noticed?”

This is a bit more quickfire than usual, as Josie takes a bit to figure out how to keep saying questions past her second go-around.

Ryan: “D’you miss your wife?”
Colin: “…You’ve been seeing her, haven’t you?”
Ryan: “D’you smell her cologne?”
Colin: “…was that cologne?”
Ryan: “…was it YOU?”
Colin, once again out-sillied by Ryan, leaves

Again, I feel like this round was very haphazard and not together whenever Colin and Ryan weren’t together onstage. Josie and Steve were very silly and not great at keeping the scene going, but Ryan and Colin’s scenes together were great.

Film and Theatre Styles: Josie and Ryan (telling the boyfriend that she’s pregnant)

Josie: “Been to the shops today, darling…I bought a shirt, for you, you need a new one…”
Cut to Ryan, wearing a light plaid shirt, stifling a reaction

Josie shows Ryan the little baby booties she bought. Ryan, thinking they’re for him, attempts to try them on.

Clive: “The Muppets”
Ryan, in a perfect Kermit voice: “Pink?”
Josie, doing a just as good Miss Piggy: “YES! YES! I’M GOING TO HAVE A LITTLE PIGGY-FROGGY BABY!”
Ryan: “…you mean something’s gonna come out of THERE?”

James Bond:
Ryan: “…apparently that pen could do more things than write…”

The James Bond style is pretty good, nailing the tone of the films, and the double entendres. Josie polishes it off my saying “you’re going to have a 0-0-3 and a half.”
Ryan: “…I’m shaken, but not stirred!”

Clive: “1950s Health….well…”
Josie: “HOW DID WE HAVE THIS BABY IN THE FIRST PLACE? Ryan?”
Ryan, caught off guard: “well…FIRST…I became…AROUSED.”
The audience is eating this whole part up

Then, as Ryan explains everything, Josie does little demonstrations with her hands, which the audience also loves. As Ryan explains foreplay, Josie holds up a finger and sticks out her tongue, leading Clive to mercy-kill the game.

Still a great F&TS game, as expected from these two. I do think it’s their last one together (unless there’s one coming up in a comp or in late S9), but it proves how great their scene chemistry was.

Mission Impossible: Steve instructs Ryan and Colin to clean the toilet

Finally we get a simple 2-person Mission Impossible game, with the storied Ryan-Colin combo

Steve: “Gentlemen…welcome…”
Ryan and Colin: [brief murmur]
Steve: “…I can’t hear you.”
Ryan and Colin: [louder murmur]

Steve: “Should you choose to accept it, then…you should…do it.”
Colin: “Let’s fast-forward to the good part!”
Steve: “…repete…apre moi…”
Ryan: “No, no, go back…”
[The first of many iterations of this joke]

Steve: “But, gentlemen, there’s one small catch…[the toilet]’s just been used by Bernard Manning. So it’s very, very dangerous up there. SO GOOD LUCK. THIS TAPE WILL oh, it already has…”

You can tell that, like the burnoose, Ryan and Colin don’t really know who Bernard Manning is (and yet Ryan knows who Cilla Black is???).
Colin: “I’m gonna ring up Bernard Manning on the computer.”
Ryan: “…any idea?”
Colin, purposely taking the other route: “…yeah, he was there.”
Ryan smirks, still having no idea who Bernard Manning is.

Ryan: “i’m gonna rub myself down with cooking oil….just cause it feels good…”

There’s a great moment where Colin’s furiously climbing the stairs. Ryan, not wanting to put up with this, sighs, and uses the elevator as Colin keeps heading up the stairs.

Colin uses ‘suction pads’, and gets himself “OVER THE TOILET”, which gets a nice reaction out of Clive, who was probably expecting him to clean the ‘bathroom’ rather than just the toilet.

Ryan: “I’m over the toilet.”
Colin: “Good, get the brush?”
Ryan: “….brush?”
Colin: “YOU DIDN’T BRING THE BRUSH?”
Ryan: “I thought YOU were the brush guy…”
Colin: “Alright….we’re gonna have to use your head.”
[And here begins the tradition of Ryan and Colin screwing with each other in this game]

Ryan, before he has to stick his head in the toilet bowl, looks at Colin and cracks a bit.

Ryan, with his head in the bowl: “IT SMELLS LIKE BERNARD!”
[I don’t know why, but that line has always stuck with me]

Ryan, stuck: “QUICK! PUT THE JETPACK ON!”
Colin, flying around on the jetpack: “…ON YOU OR ME?”

The first of many incredibly funny games of Mission Impossible, made great by Steve’s silliness on the tape, the back-and-forth between Ryan and Colin, and the eventual use of outlandish gadgets that would eventually become a staple of the game (see “my fax is ruined!”). Fantastic showing from all 3

Props: Colin and Ryan vs. Josie and Steve

Screen Shot 2018-06-21 at 5.07.06 PM.pngColin: “…boy, the house fell on a really big witch…”

Screen Shot 2018-06-21 at 5.08.25 PM.pngRyan: “Ah, see? Don’t tell me there’s no Loch Ness Monster…”

Josie and Steve were a lot less put together in this one, mostly because their props were worse, but also they took more time to think of some, even when the camera was back on them.

Still a nice enough Props, especially from Colin and Ryan

Foreign Film Dub – Josie and Colin act out the Spanish film “Jack and the Cucumber,” translated be Steve and Ryan.

Ryan, on Colin and Josie’s cucumber: “We shall peel it, and raise it as our own”
Josie: [in tears]
Steve: “Oh, that’s really funny!”

Ryan does another one of his trademark ‘talking for 25 minutes after Colin does only a sentence or two’ ones.

Josie: “Jack…Jack…”
Steve: “JIMMY. JIMMY.”

Very silly, but not one of the better playings of this.

Party Quirks: Steve hosts
Josie: thinks Steve is a wild horse
Colin: wins lottery then loses ticket
Ryan: goes through puberty in 15 seconds

Josie, as usual, is fantastic with this quirk, in the way she talks to Steve, and motions things. Sadly, Steve does guess this in 10 seconds, but it’s very warranted.

Colin starts energetically looking on the floor
Steve: “What, what have you lost?”
Colin: “JUST MY DREAMS! MY HOPES!”

Steve cannot for the life of him guess Colin’s, even when he’s trying his damnedest, and Clive, in the background, yells “SOUNDS LIKE…OTTERY TICKET!” His final guess is “…YOU’RE A VIETNAM VET!”

Psychiatrist: Josie
Steve: thinks he’s a peanut in France
Colin: scared of psychiatrists in Germany
Ryan: in love with as nurse in Mexico

Richard comes in with accordion music for the first one, which Steve, bringing back memories of Jim Sweeney, gives him a look for.

Steve surprisingly does well in this singing game, giving a simple but still charming enough verse about doubt, and, well, peanuts.

Josie, with the genius line: “You obviously need to come out of your shell.”

Josie ends by saying that Steve’s better than his adversaries, because “at least you are dry-roasted…”

Immediately on starting his, Colin scooches to the side of the chair, barely hanging on, frightened out of his mind.

His verse is…classic. He sings entirely in German, scared shitless, barely looking at Josie, and nearly yelling his lines. Of course, his final line, after the German, is “I’M…SCARED OF PSYCHIATRISTS.”
The whole house comes down. It’s the first time Colin would through random bilingualism into a scene

There’s a fluid motion that I have always loved this game, as Josie sings her reply verse:

Screen Shot 2018-06-21 at 5.26.31 PM.pngScreen Shot 2018-06-21 at 5.26.39 PM.pngScreen Shot 2018-06-21 at 5.26.49 PM.pngScreen Shot 2018-06-21 at 5.26.56 PM.png

And then, as Josie sings closer and closer, as she does…
Screen Shot 2018-06-21 at 5.27.54 PM.pngScreen Shot 2018-06-21 at 5.28.01 PM.png

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It’s so indicative of both of their acting personas- Josie is so touchy-feely, and Colin is so neurotic. It’s absolutely perfect.

Colin leaves the table with this incredible smile on his face (and possibly the weirdest boner he’s ever had), and as he turns back to Ryan and Steve, still smiling, Steve absolutely loses it.

Right as they turn Ryan’s mic back on, he’s still cracking up, probably at what Steve just said in response to Colin’s scene. Not sure what Steve said, though. I’m also 90% sure that, after Colin’s round, he knows he’s not gonna compare, so he literally gives himself the sign of the cross.

Ryan’s is pretty basic for this type of game
“She’s the kind of girl that makes people scoff
But I love it when she grabs me by the testicles and says cough”
[The audience loves this one, though]

Josie ends her verse with “and she knows where to bump her thermostat”, which makes Ryan visibly react, and has him going “OW” as he’s heading back to the seats.

Overall: Three great games and a lot of meh. Not a bad episode, but subscribes to the ‘just okay’ tone of several of this season’s episodes. Not really anyone’s fault, though in several games it seemed tough for Steve and Josie to keep up with Ryan and Colin, but it still had some great moments, especially in Film and Theatre Styles, Mission Impossible and Psychiatrist. This was very much a Ryan and Colin show, as they dominated the games, despite some occasional nice work from Steve in Mission Impossible, or Josie in Psychiatrist. Perhaps the imbalance came from Steve and Josie realizing that it wasn’t exactly their show anymore.

Show Winner: Steve and Josie
Best Performer: Colin, for having the best funny moments, as per usual this season
Worst Performer: Steve Frost, keeping his streak going from the last few episodes in terms of not-great improv moves
Best Game: Psychiatrist. Almost went with Mission Impossible, but Psychiatrist was more consistent all the way through, had all 4 in good form, and had a better ending than Mission Impossible. Plus, it had Colin’s verse, which is a classic
Worst Game: Foreign Film Dub. Not enough to it.

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