Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S03E34, or Hello, Police Chief Colin

Considering how many S4 shows are made up of S3 tapings, I don’t know why the producers chose to flash back so many times in S3, although picking Kathy’s S2 taping for another show was a wise one, as there was still some material left to pick from.

Let’s Make a Date: Kathy must choose from Wayne, a pro-wrestler, Colin, turning into a frisky rabbit, and Ryan, a caveman slowly defrosting

Ryan has the most elaborate reaction to a LMAD quirk I’ve seen- he throws down the card and mouths “COME ON.”

Kathy’s great at subtle reactions- I love her confused, unnervedness when Wayne threatens to “bring the pain”

Colin’s is entirely great facial expression work, and the minimal moves slowly become full-fledged faces. Of course, the audience loves this

Ryan….oh, Ryan…
Screen Shot 2019-12-26 at 2.37.43 PM.png
…I friggin love this one

And slowly his finger just starts wiggling. Ryan is doing a great job at holding that expression
I also love Kathy just rescinding the question in response to Ryan’s silence

The image of Wayne trying to pull wrestling moves on an oblivious Colin is one that…honestly should have been in S2

Then, Colin starts hopping around and narrowly avoiding all of Wayne’s hits. After which he has like 10 kids.

Ryan’s second round is perfect- he grunts, stands up…and goes over and takes a very, very long piss.

Right after Drew buzzes, Ryan turns around, looks at Colin, and starts nervously laughing, not believing what he just had to do

Kathy doesn’t seem to get WHO Ryan is, and he keeps doing faces, then beating Colin with a club.

Very fun LMAD. I liked everybody’s but Ryan’s was a classic.

Drew: “I dunno HOW you got the wrestler one…”
Wayne, smirking: “Because I try to be SUBTLE with my clues…”

Film, TV & Theater Styles: Police chief Colin arrives at the academy shooting range and discovers his wife, Kathy, getting very cozy with maverick shooting instructor Ryan

Drew: “Police Chief Colin…heh, that’s what they call him. ‘HI, I’M POLICE CHIEF COLIN'”
At least Drew’s having fun

Ryan: “See you gotta hold it real tightly…cause when you squeeze it, it’s gonna kick back on ya…”
Kathy, grinning: “…Oh, the GUN!”
That line did NOT get enough laughs

Then, as Colin enters, Ryan keeps it going: “…well…hello, Police Chief Colin…”

Three’s Company:
Ryan: “Hey, I don’t belong in this academy at all, only reason I’m in here is cause I’m pretending I’m gay…”
Ryan watched more Three’s Company than I would have pegged him for.

Ryan, realizing the other two maybe haven’t seen it: “…does that make sense at all?”
Colin: “No, I thought you were REALLY gay” [turns and laughs at camera]

The Teletubbies style is kind of a crapshoot, but Ryan does have a good gag as he says to Kathy “stay away from [Colin]. He’s the purple one…”

Kathy has a good line in Western, saying “I’m tired of you telling me what guns I can handle…”
Colin: “I took you from being a lowly schoolmarm into being…Police Chief Colin’s wife…”

Ryan’s accent swerves more towards Nashville than a western: “I’m the Elvis Cowboy, I guess…”

A little haphazard, but I laughed at some of it, especially the Police Chief Colin lines.

Motown Group: Ryan, Colin and Wayne ‘Feed the Dog’

I love Wayne and Ryan trying to do a little ‘secret handshake high-five’, and Ryan getting so wrapped up in it that he nearly falls off the step

Wayne gives this one a left hook, with the line “I go over to my neighbor cause I’m a cannibal, and then I kill ’em…”, before adding later “it’s 10 times cheaper than a can of Alpo…”

Colin’s, in lieu of a verse, is just a high pitched “FE-E-E-E-E-E-E-EEE-D THE DOG”. This must have been an early playing. And then whatever he said after those first two lines was edited out. W-w…what?

Ryan’s is funny, as he feeds his dog, and realizes “Oh my god, he’s been dead for a week!”

A pretty alright Motown Group. Oddly edited though.

Party Quirks: Kathy hosts
Wayne – Great baseball fielding moments in slow motion
Colin – Crazed hairdresser desperate to restyle everyone’s hair
Ryan – A spider that slips into an emptying bathtub

Wayne is doing great with his, but to catch one he goes onto Drew’s desk, and:
Screen Shot 2019-12-26 at 3.03.36 PM.png

Colin, after fixing Wayne and Kathy, comes over to Drew: “OOHHH, CHALLENGE.”
Screen Shot 2019-12-26 at 3.04.25 PM.png

Then, he looks into the audience, and exclaims an immediate “AIIGH”

Ryan’s physicality is fantastic, as he’s being yanked all over the stage, and does the quirk in every facet. I do love Kathy’s concerned “…Ryan?” as he gets yanked around

Drew gives Kathy the hint that Ryan has 8 legs
Kathy: “Ooh, you poor little squid..”
Ryan: [cracks further]

Ryan gets mad that Drew gives it to Kathy on the spider and not the bathtub part, and Ryan just sighs back to the seats
Ryan: “No, it was so easy I didn’t want to give it away at FIRST. [rolls eyes]”

A pretty alright PQ. Kathy had done better games of this, as we’ll see in like 4 episodes.

Three Headed Broadway Star: Wayne, Ryan and Colin sing ‘I Lost My Leg-Warmers’ from the musical Memorabilia.

Colin starts this game getting laughs already just by looking around oddly. If they think THAT’s funny…

“They freeze away my
Colin: “HAIRS”

The first part of this is pretty alright, nothing fun yet…then…AND I’m gonna detail the rest of this:

Ryan: “Leeeeg”
Colin: “WARMERS:
Wayne: “I”
Ryan: “miss”
Colin: “YOUU” [1]
Wayne: “Where”
Ryan: “are”
Colin: “YOOUU” [2]
Wayne: “I”
Ryan: “NEED”
Colin, more passionate than ever: “YOOOOUU” [3]
Wayne: “To.” [and then the melody changes]
Ryan: “…why”
Colin, deciding now he can’t stop it: “…yooou…” [4]
Wayne: “LEAVE”
Ryan: “me?”
Colin: “…yooou” [5]
Wayne: “leave”
Ryan: “me.”
Colin, back: ‘YOOOOU” [6]
Wayne: “LEAVE”
Ryan, trying not to crack: “ME”
Colin: “YOOUU” [7]
Wayne: “LEAVE”
Ryan, having enough: “MEEEEE” [and he just doesn’t end it, so they can end this sentence.
Colin, behind him, does another “YOU” [8]

Colin, after a beat goes by: “…YOU” [9]
And from here they go back, as Colin surprises them next by going “TODAY!”, doing regular words again

Colin, back: “YOU!” [10]
Wayne: “NEED”
Ryan: “Me”
Colin: “To”
Wayne: “Hold”
Ryan, taking his shot: “yyyEWah.”
Screen Shot 2019-12-26 at 3.17.01 PM.png

From here, they do one last refrain of the title [Ryan finally smiles, cracking a bit], then Wayne lets out a commanding note.
Ryan: ‘…OW.”
Colin: “…that…”
All 3: “…smaaaarts…”

Right after it ends, Ryan says something to Colin and Wayne: “Did I do something wrong???” Perhaps referring to taking Colin’s ‘YOU’

Oh man. Not wholly funny, but that entire run where Colin keeps going ‘YOU’ is one of the most dedicated comedy bits in this show’s history. He could have stopped at any time, and he knew exactly when to, when to bring it back. It’s like a music motif. That was masterful.

90 Second Alphabet: Ryan, Colin and Drew are on a camping trip when panicky Colin gets bitten by a rattlesnake, starting with J.

Downside of an old S2 taping? This is our Drew game.

Drew grabs Colin’s shoulder
Colin: “Like THAT’s where it bit me.”
Drew, sighing: “…Marty, you know I’m not gonna suck it out of there.”

Drew: “Quit fighting, you’re ruining the whole trip!”
Ryan: “Right, we don’t want the trip ruined WITH ME DYING AND EVERYTHING…”
Ryan: “SSSSSS” [stomps]

Colin can’t think of a V. So he just takes a second, and goes “…Vuueeeghhh..”
I died at this. As does Drew

They do get a little frenzied as they get close to 25/15 seconds, but they get around to J and Colin goes “JUST HELP ME. SUCK! SUCK!” And…I guess that’s our ending.

A little clumsy, but better than these usually are.

Overall: Like last show, you can define this one by a single game and leave out the rest, although this one was a little more even than last show. You still had LMAD, 90-second Alphabet and Party Quirks that you can enjoy, even if there are better playings. But Three-Headed is still the classic, and it’s pretty damn funny. Overall, Kathy had some nice little well-improvised moments that didn’t get audience recognition, which is sad, but she felt less stiff in this show than she did in other shows from this taping. So…fine enough show, but boosted by having a highlight.

Show Winners: Ryan & Colin
Best Performer: Colin, continuing his streak this season of being dominant in everything.
Worst Performer: Kathy didn’t have much to do.
Best Game: YOU!
Worst Game: Nothing I hated here, so…Film and Theater Styles did the least for me.

COMING UP NEXT: A more contemporary Kathy episode, from the taping that gave us the solid 3×27. A new game debuts, and it’s one that most of the whosers at this point had been waiting…IMPATIENTLY…to see on TV.

One thought on “Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S03E34, or Hello, Police Chief Colin

  1. You missed Colin’s “Pika-chuuu!” from F&TS. Thought that was cute. Lots of nice subtle moves and lines from Kathy that sadly are only noticed by the devout improv fans who don’t leave comments on YouTube like “DUUUH SHES NOT FUNNY BRING BACK [insert name of past performer here like, I dunno, John Sessions or Archie Hahn]!”

    3HBS here is legendary and rightly so!

    Next Up…
    Kathy: Hey, Hunky Pool Boy!

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