Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S04E22, or Have You Read My Headlines?

From one Kathy show from a heralded taping to another. This one comes from the same taping as Episodes 2 (where Kathy didn’t say anything) and Episode 6 (where Kathy says things and Colin grabs everyone’s privates).

Drew highlights a headline he got from ‘Desert TV News’, which is a front page newspaper insert from some west coast paper, that’s a BIG photo of Colin, saying “zany host of the clear, clever and witty British game show WL”, which catches Colin off-guard. Obviously they got some details wrong, and Drew’s just screwing with their exposure. Also kind of a fun portrait of the era.

Questions Only: Tensions rise in the cottage where Snow White and the Seven Dwarves live

Drew, introing the first game, has to leaf through nine different cards on his desk looking for the right one, finally getting to ‘Questions Only’

Wayne: “You using my toothbrush?”
Kathy: “Aren’t you supposed to be HAPPY?”
Kathy has been growing on me lately

After Kathy has a crude remark
Wayne: “Have you ever had your butt kicked by 6 other dwarves?”
And then Wayne just stacks the rest of them up, which is a very fun visual

Wayne, after another Kathy line: “do you WANT an apple stuffed in your trachea?”
Kathy: “What are you, some kind of witch?”
Wayne, saving himself after a few seconds: “…did you know…La Bruja is witch in Spanish?”
Kathy, nearly losing it herself: “…are you being condescending?”
Wayne: “was that ALMOST a question?”
Kathy: “…damn!”
That was some awesome back-and-forth. Wayne fives the six stacked dwarves, which is a fun touch

Wayne listing off a bunch of rejected dwarves [“…pegleg…hairlip”] before realizing he’s not doing a question is still pretty funny

Ryan has a fun move in naming Colin ‘Groupie’, in the spirit of other dwarves
Colin: “d’you know anyone else who can get a band together like THAT?”
Ryan, perfectly delivered: “…YOU’RE *THAT* GROUPIE?”
Colin, back to the opening: “…have you read my headlines?”

Colin: “Why are you so insulting to me?”
Ryan: “…why are you asking so many questions?”
Colin: “Do I have to teach  you a lesson?”
Ryan: “Would you?”
Colin: “do we have the same idea in mind?”
Ryan: “…heh heh heh…”

Obviously an extra round of this was cut, but this was STRONG, man. Wayne and Kathy were awesome together, and Ryan and Colin were awesome together. Just funny, impressive stuff

Hollywood Director: A 1950s teenage couple, Kathy and Ryan, are kissing passionately in their car, motorcycle cop Wayne rides in because he suspects they’re dangerous criminals who are carrying concealed weapons

Drew: “…NOW…let’s go onto-”
Ryan, under him, in a very deep voice: “AND NOWWWW…”
My god, we’re so goofy in this episode. I love it.

Drew: “And they’re kissing passionately in their car…cause they’re both married and they wanna cheat on TV.”
Ryan: [pops a mint]

Ryan, as Wayne pulls up: “…quick, I’ve had a Coke, get behind the wheel.”

Wayne has a clever blocking move as Kathy steps out of the car, which is right near where he pulled up, going “…don’t hit the bike.”

Wayne, in the trunk: “Well, look what we got here. We got ourselves a Coca-Cola!”
Screen Shot 2020-01-30 at 6.09.07 PM.png
PERFECT. Like a Wayne’s World moment

Ryan: “It’s hard for me to get the reality of the scene. Unlike you, I wasn’t alive in the 50s.”
Colin just…stares at him. Doesn’t say anything. Then, finally, mutters “good one.”

Colin: “We need something that appeals to the masses.”
Ryan: “YES!”
Colin: “…don’t agree with me.”
Wayne, smirking: “NO.”

The AFV style is very similar to the Paul Merton slapstick routine, with various things hitting all 3. Wayne pops the trunk and it hits him in the face, which got a nice reaction from me


For the Peckinpah style, I love the reveal of Kathy unhooking from Ryan’s braces to find that he’s slumped over dead.

The slow-mo action that Kathy and Wayne do is pretty great, too

Kathy and Ryan trying to kiss while numb from novocaine is a very silly visual

And Ryan’s novocaine mumbling is always gonna make me laugh

The ending is even funnier with mushmouths- Wayne puts up the Coke, and instead of just him turning to the camera, ALL THREE OF THEM DO, WITH MUMBLING. It’s so damn goofy
Screen Shot 2020-01-30 at 6.16.38 PM.png

Very funny HD. I got a lot from all of the styles, and it feels like Colin’s becoming more confident in this role.

Drew: “1000 points to everyone, especially you, Colin.”
Ryan: “He’s the best host we’ve ever had!”

Song Styles: Wayne sings to Joe, the pool guy, as Eminem

Wayne does a very strong rap, and I do like that it’s not 100% Eminem, mostly because Eminem is kinda bad. His flow is pretty nice though, and his lyrics are smart enough to keep things going.

Wayne: “And when he’s finished, man don’t break it
Joe takes off and swims butt-naked”

Wayne even has the audience help him out on the chorus, which is the sign of a strong performer. Surprised he hasn’t needed them too much lately

A very fun number, and some strong stuff from Wayne

Number of Words: From Titanic, Colin is Jack and Kathy is Rose and they’re making out on the deck when Wayne, her horrified fiancee, and Ryan, the ship’s captain, come to tell them that the boat has hit an iceberg
Colin – 5 words
Kathy – 2 words
Wayne – 4 words
Ryan – 3 words

Kathy: “Oh, Jack”
Colin, being very literal: “ROSE ROSE ROSE ROSE ROSE.”

Wayne, entering: “Rose…what the hell?”
Colin: “Oh, no, your disgruntled fiance.”

Ryan: “I’M SO DRUNK.”
How is Ryan taking the passé character and making THAT funny?

Colin: “SHE WANTS TO BE WITH…” [points to self]

Colin: “Riches don’t matter to her.”
Kathy, choosing Wayne: “…oh yeah.”
They all dance to avoid the rats. So goofy

Wayne, making the most of his allotment: “QUICKLY, ROSE…..TO BOATS.”

Ryan: “Captain goes first.”
Colin: “Captain goes down with ship!”
Ryan: “…who says so?”
Colin: “…the Captain’s book right here…”
Ryan: “…don’t follow that!”

Colin, distracting Wayne: “LOOK BEHIND YOU, A BIG ELEPHANT.”
[…counts on fingers]

Ryan, without a better ending: “…I’m so drunk.”
Okay, so in lieu of a better ending line, the editors definitely went back to the FIRST TIME he said that and used a different angle. Which is kinda lazy

A bit clumsy, but still a fun round of this.

Helping Hands: Kathy is a frustrated customer trying to get through the express line at a supermarket, Ryan, hands by Colin, is the loud-mouthed, busybody checker

Ryan, almost immediately, into his mic: “PRICE CHECK ON PEACH PLEASE.”

I like that Kathy and Ryan are establishing a backstory and characters in the midst of the obvious food uses.

Ryan, with twinkies: “I would never be caught dead eating any of these [smirk]…but just to prove a point…”

Ryan: “Hmm, they’re better than I thought, they have a soft, creamy filling.”
Ryan: [eats more]

Ryan, mouth full: “OH. I’M PHORRY. I’M EATING YOUR FOOD.”
and…he spits it out

An  ID Dispute leads to Ryan shaking up a can of beer, knowing full well what’s going  to happen
Wayne and Drew:
Screen Shot 2020-01-30 at 7.13.53 PM.png
Screen Shot 2020-01-30 at 7.14.12 PM.png
Screen Shot 2020-01-30 at 7.14.40 PM.png

The eventual fizz is light, but the foam spills all over the floor towards Kathy

Ryan has a sip from the beer…and then spits it into the paper bag

Ryan has a very nice suggestive look at Kathy once he pulls out the cucumber. He snaps it in half, and Colin just rubs the ends on his shirt, which is a fun move

Colin has a grab at Kathy’s shirt which makes Ryan crack up, as he’s perhaps flashing back to Party Quirks.

Ryan: “my mouth is so dry…I COULD USE ANOTHER TASTY BEER.”

We end on the visual of Ryan trying to brush his teeth using only Colin’s finger.

A pretty fun Helping Hands. A lot more substantial in terms of character, and with some fun stuff from Kathy in support, but man, Ryan went through the ringer. Colin’s finger, too.

Props: Wayne & Colin vs. Ryan & Drew

Colin, prop on head: “I see a tall, dark stranger…”
Wayne: “dude, that’s ME.”

I love Drew’s goofy yell after being caught in a bear trap

Screen Shot 2020-01-30 at 7.34.20 PM.pngColin: “I am your MOTHER, Luke Skywalker”
I laughed my ass off at this one as a kid

Screen Shot 2020-01-30 at 7.35.21 PM.pngColin: “What causes impotence? Let’s go to the model…”

A pretty good props round, though the better ideas came from Colin and Wayne

Overall: I really liked this one. It wasn’t too showy, and it was just a strong assortment of games from a group that seemed really on all night. Questions Only, Director and Helping Hands were my favorites, but there was enough charm in the rest of it as well, especially minor stuff like Number of Words and Song Styles. I also like that, again, we’re seeing more of Kathy, and she’s having more cool moments in Questions, Director and HH. Wayne also had a big night, coming in huge during the first half.

Show Winner: Kathy
Best Performer: Wayne barely squeezes by Ryan and Colin just for how good he was in Director and Song Styles.
Worst Performer: I’m giving it to Kathy only because the other 3 were deadlocked for first.
Best Game: Director. I nearly gave it to Questions, but Director was really fully-formed tonight.
Worst Game: Props, by default.

COMING UP NEXT: A new Greg taping appears, which is nice, because he did 3 tapings this season and so far we’ve only seen one of them. This one is a prelude to a much more famous episode coming in 7 shows, but it still has some fun moments.

3 thoughts on “Whose Watchdown is it Anyway: S04E22, or Have You Read My Headlines?

  1. Eagle-eyed viewers will spot Samantha from 4×02 in the audience shot during Wayne’s song to Joe; she really got into that song as well!

    By the way, after 12Medbe uploaded the clip of Joe’s song to YouTube back in 2009, Joe himself uploaded a brief clip to the site complimenting Wayne and thanking the fans:

  2. This episode’s Helping Hands is one of my favorites. Kathy plays a great straight role to Ryan’s atrocious (but hilarious) behavior as the supermarket clerk. If someone in real life called a customer a “loose woman”, implied a customer was using a cucumber for a masturbation aid, and sampled all their groceries, they’d be fired so fast, and that’s not even getting into that Ryan’s holding up a hypothetical line by doing all that. Also loved the amusing moment when Kathy briefly breaks character as Colin’s arm reaches for her chest- she chuckles but gets back into character: “Hey what are you grabbing at?!”

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